Chapter Twenty-Four - Progress

  The feeling of a potion bleeding through her very being and into her spirit was a strange one. Instead of warmth, it was like a wave of soothing gel slipped over her wounds. It prickled and itched more than it ached. Monitoring the effects, she saw it sink into the area without seemingly doing…anything.

  But she felt it. The charred chunk of spirit flesh seemed to pulse, and slowly bits of black flaked off like ashes from the surface and edges. The angry irritation calmed slightly, leeching some of the constant heat she hadn’t even realized was coming from it. Had that stupid dragon left actual flames buried in her flesh, or was her spirit just still burning off the remains like charcoal?

  She couldn’t be sure how long the process lasted, but when it finished, she realized that…she wasn’t fixed. The wound was better, but not gone as she’d hoped. More like she’d spread aloe vera on a third-degree burn. It calmed and removed the worst of the heat, and she thought it might have even healed some of the very edges. And by that, she meant only so far as a layer of skin.

  Moving her arm gingerly, it felt slightly easier than before. She realized that’s what it had done. It removed most of the inflammation and swelling she was experiencing. One step taken on the process to healing, but nowhere near finished. The flesh felt slightly more alive and less like flambe steak, but that was all.

  Opening her eyes with a sigh, she saw a fleck of ash float away from her skin into the flowing water, her disappointment palpable. She’d thought with the god’s interference, maybe she’d found the answer.

  The truth stared her in the face and told her the arduous journey back to full health had just begun. Unlike the rest of the injuries received here, this wasn’t going to go away instantly like she’d gotten used to. She couldn’t just send a burst of magic and have everything be fine.

  Tears slipped down her face as she patted the vines holding her so they would release, and she slid into the water. She could feel Oakley there, ready to grab her out at a moment’s notice, but she stayed beneath the blue surface, letting the flood of her eyes dissipate into the stream.

  She’d made all that fuss, and it hadn’t even fully worked. The confidence that came because the goddess intervened… Despite the heavens themselves interfering…her situation was only slightly alleviated. Once she stopped leaking liquid against her will, she pulled herself out, flicking the water back into the stream as she redressed slowly.

  Her little ones lined up on Oakley’s roots, watching her avidly. “Mommy, are you okay?” Carl radiated concern. She might not have screamed in pain, but they could feel her depression and the hopelessness with which she viewed her situation.

  Settling down into the root hammock, she felt them flit over and join her, sending her their unconditional love as she explained, “I think I’m just sad and frustrated right now. I was really hoping this would work.” She couldn’t stop the spare thought that she’d rather just die than be constantly dying. She had enough of that. She was sick of doctors being unable to do anything for her. She’d finally escaped that life, only to fall right back into it because of what? A disgruntled guardsman she’d risked her life to help? It angered her more than she thought that a low-life scum was able to bring her to this point after his plan to hurt her was thwarted once.

  It rankled her heart that she hadn’t even been the one who killed him. She’d been sleeping when he came after her. He was the one who did bad things by trying to kidnap her after she’d just used up all her energy defending the city against monsters! Not that she wanted to blame Stephen and Eric, but if they’d just captured the group instead of killing them, maybe this whole thing could have been avoided.

  Who needed the dark one to tear them apart? Humans were perfectly capable of self-destructing on their own. Her thoughts flew down a darker path as she began to question why she even tried. What she did was never enough for them. She’d saved Tisha from the mesmer, but the girl couldn’t even be happy for her siblings’ bonding and instead demanded living beings like they were toys.

  Her thoughts were interrupted by images. Memories sent by her fellacai. She saw a guard standing tall against an invisible foe, determined to protect his companions. The gratitude of a new mother as she delivered her baby safely. She saw the different friends and guardians lifting and carrying her in moments of weakness. Hunter supporting her, even when he was exhausted and scared.

  Countless images of life and happiness, of friendship and family flashed by, reliving the many miraculous moments she’d experienced since coming to this world. Finally, they ended with Tisha and Hayden coming into the enclosure today, bringing her a load of candy and treats just because she thought it would make her smile.

  Her eyes were leaking again, but this time there was a soft smile on her face as she stroked each of her companions, giving them gentle scritches as she breathed softly, “Thank you. I needed that reminder.”

  There might be darkness, but there was so much good worth saving, and people were not one-dimensional. Everyone was going through their own issues, and despite how she sometimes felt, the world did not revolve around her. It was times like this that she actually missed her therapists and psychological counselors. Even the religious dudes.

  She couldn’t say she’d internalized a ton of what they taught her, but they’d left snippets that stuck out. It at least made her want to try to be a better person.

  Her eyes closed, the warmth of the roots cradling her as her head dropped to the side, her breathing deepening as she fell asleep in the fading sunshine, thinking of the world she’d left behind.

  ***

  “Jade, are you still here?” Cami’s voice echoed through the space as she called out near the door. “Does anyone see her?” The words were quieter as they hovered near the door.

  Rubbing her eyes, she carefully sat up, but realized her little ones had long taken flight while she was sleeping. With a yawn, she called out, “I’m here. You can come in.” She was on the opposite side of Oakley still, so it wasn’t a surprise they couldn’t spot her.

  Using their helpfully placed roots, Jade stood up, taking inventory before they got to her. The nap had done her good, and she felt more settled, but the constant burn in her shoulder was gone. She hadn’t even realized she’d just been…ignoring it.

  As she rounded Oakley, she realized why he’d been so quiet. Victor and Camille were the only ones there. She gave them a small smile before yawning again, patting Oakley. “It’s okay. He’s a friend too. Victor, meet Oakley.”

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  Clearly Camille prepped him before coming, because he bowed to the oak tree respectfully and said, “It’s a pleasure to meet the great machran, Oakley.” The tree started waving his branches in response, and the air seemed to soften again. It was hard to see his face in the growing darkness, and that’s when she realized she hadn’t put any lights out.

  The pile of glass balls she’d created in class would have been perfect…if she’d taken any. As a stop-gap, she created a floating ball of light and had it sit above her, lighting the place up like a miniature sun. There was a visible shift in their shoulders that signified relief, and she realized the darkening enclosure made them nervous.

  Victor turned, looking in awe at the trees and flowers she planted, watching a few fellacai flit between them. They were mostly quiet now, roosting for the night, but a few of them came out to greet the royals, swirling around them before heading back to the trees. The presence of Gaara and Rasu on their shoulders might have contributed to that. She imagined Camille was sharing the weight because she was unused to it and tired after the long day.

  While he observed the enclosure, Cami was studying her. With a small, sad smile, she asked, “Did it not work?” At Jade’s questioning look, the princess took a few steps closer, reaching out to touch her hair as she said, “Your hair is sticking up and looks like it went through the wringer without you touching it. So it probably got wet, and you dried it without dealing with it. You have tear stains on your cheeks, and it looks like you cried yourself to sleep. If it worked, you’d have been ecstatic.”

  Oh. She’d forgotten about her hair earlier, but Camille guessed things accurately. With a sigh, she used a bit of water and healing magic to fix her face, then pulled out a brush.

  “Here, let me.” Camille reached for it, and she silently handed it over while Oakley raised a helpful root for her to sit on. Settling onto it, she felt the princess’ hands parting a small section of her hair, letting the brush fall rhythmically as she asked softly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Jade sighed, feeling Victor come around her and sit against Oakley, watching them without judgement. “First of all, I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have just left like that, but I was…”

  “Raw.” Cami interjected smoothly. “Tisha didn’t understand what you were going through, unfortunately. She thought you were okay. By the time she arrived, you’d already talked through most of your struggles with me, and she wasn’t there for any of the problems that came after. From her perspective, all she saw was you giving us our bonds and creating this wonderful place, then eating and leaving her to play with potions. To her, you were acting normal…until you weren’t.”

  Her fingers smoothed Jade’s hair down as she thought about what she’d just been told. Tisha missed all her bad spots this morning, only coming in when she was starting to feel a bit more hope because she’d found a potential alternative. Yes, Tisha saw her break down last night, but she’d been pretty sparse on the details.

  Closing her eyes, she agreed, “You’re right. I hadn’t even considered that.”

  Brushing calmly, Camille replied, “Don’t get too down on yourself. You’re only human, too, and it’s been a rough day. I didn’t tell her much, but she understands now that there were a lot of outside stressors too, and that she was acting entitled.”

  She winced slightly. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean…”

  “From what I heard, she needed that lesson.” Victor paused, then said softly, “I don’t think anyone has said no to her since she got back. We’ve been walking on eggshells around her, trying to make her happy.” Geeze. She hadn’t even taken into account the girl was going through her own PTSD. They were trying to make her feel better and just making it worse.

  Pinching the bridge of her nose, she nodded carefully so as to not disturb the brushing. “Regardless, I’ll apologize when I see her next. I should not have snapped at her because I was feeling stressed.”

  “You should at least talk, yes. But we’ve sent her back to the castle with Will and the boys to reflect. They weren’t innocent either, and we have been going easy on them.”

  Shrugging slightly, Jade replied, “I think that’s pretty normal, after everything that’s happened.”

  “Perhaps, but it’s better to fix it now before it becomes a real problem later.” Victor asserted. He paused, then asked in a much quieter tone, “Camille said you made a potion?”

  She slumped on her root-chair, causing a small jerk of hair when Camille pulled, but the princess quickly corrected and bopped her head slightly as she said, “Stop moving so much.”

  Grumbling softly, she finally explained, “It worked, but it also didn’t. I was hoping it’d just fix me right up, since a god interfered and all. There was apparently some remnant flame or heat…something. Imagine making charcoal. The wood got burned by outside sources and made it turn black. But then it also left a remnant flame inside that was still burning, barely.”

  Sighing, she said softly, “It turns out I probably was still dying. And this time, I’m really not! The potion put out whatever flame was still causing problems and soothed a lot of the irritation it was causing. Still really important, but not a full restore.”

  Silence reigned as they all considered the implications, and finally she looked at Victor and asked, “Do you guys know if the gods have rules?”

  His head tilted as he replied, “I don’t think I understand what you’re asking.”

  “Do they have rules they have to follow? Call me crazy, but it reminds me of this book I read where even the gods had to follow certain regulations. There’s a whole pantheon that keeps each other in check, and one of those things is limited interference points. They’re not really allowed to just randomly mess with the world, so they have to do it through their avatars.” She pointed to herself. “Calling travelers is probably using up most of their juice, but they’re allowed to sometimes message or direct their chosen, which is why they might’ve changed or empowered my potion’s direction. They probably knew I was still burning, even if I didn’t connect the dots.”

  The siblings exchanged looks over her head, and finally Victor conceded slowly, “That…sounds plausible.” She could tell they were uncomfortable with the idea that their gods weren’t all-powerful and had their own limitations. Camille’s hands had briefly stilled before going back to skillfully combing her hair back into a tamed mass.

  Saving them from their awkwardly and slightly blasphemous thoughts, she asked, “So, the kiddos have gone back to the castle for tonight. What are your plans?”

  Taking that as his cue, Victor almost jumped up, looking around for a spot as he said, “I almost forgot that we brought dinner!” Oh yeah. Aside from her unplanned trip to the Saibreh delegation, they’d wanted her to stay out of sight. Honestly, they gave her enough food this morning that she would in no way starve if they didn’t bring her more, but it was always nice to keep her reserves, just in case.

  Pointing over to the grassy area, she said, “How about we set it up over there and do picnic style?” She paused, then added, “And after?” He still hadn’t actually answered her question.

  Shrugging he said, “I’ve got a few books to read. I’m happy to take a break here if you want to stay.”

  “So you’re planning to stick to me.” She stated with a grin.

  He smiled back, “Until you kick us out.” His face took on a slightly more serious look as he said, “Being honest, we don’t want to leave you alone. Too much has happened, and it’ll make everyone feel better if you’ve got at least one person with you. It doesn’t have to be us.”

  Smiling as Camille finished up her hair, tying it into a neat braid she’d taught her, she replied, “No, that’s fine. I’m happy to have your company. I think I am content to stay here, however. I’ve got a bunch of seeds to mess with, and with Oakley and the fellacai here, it’s the safest spot to do it.”

  Pausing, she added, “I think I can grow better ingredients. I made that potion using cherries, which aren’t exactly known for being prime potion material. It proved that it can help. Maybe I’m not going to get one that fixes everything at once, but I think if I’m persistent about it, I can at least get incremental improvements.”

  “That sounds like a plan to me.” Camille handed the brush back to her as she came around and continued, “Remember what Duke Telemar said today. Any progress is a step in the right direction, no matter how small.”

  “You’re paraphrasing, but you’re right.” Jade said with a grin, leading the two of them back over the grass, her light staying firmly above her, given that it was still connected to her by a thin string of mana. She needed to create something self-sustaining for the area, but that could be turned on and off. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a lightswitch on a lamppost?

  She’d think about it. For now, there was food and friends.