Chapter Twenty-Three - Kintsugi

  As soon as they stepped out the doors, Camille was greeted by Gaara and Rasu landing on her shoulders. The birds anxiously combed through Camille’s hair, and they reminded her of little aunties checking to make sure she was in one piece. Which, to be fair, given they’d probably felt her excursion to the loo and then had to wait nearly two hours to see her, was probably a sufficient amount of time to make them worry.

  That wasn’t even considering that they were still getting used to each other, so being separated for nearly four hours was maybe not the greatest decision she’d ever made. Although it had been Cami’s, so it wasn’t actually hers and therefore her guilt over the matter significantly lessened.

  For her part, Willow flew up to greet the other fellacai as they gathered from the garden wilds. She felt the echoes of their greetings through their connection and smiled softly. They weren’t as worried, mostly because A) her reaction wasn’t as bad, B) Willow was with her, and C) they’d felt her excitement through the bond. Between the divine interference potion and the gifts, she’d been in a rather good mood.

  Still, they greeted her with enthusiasm, and she luxuriated in the kiss of their wings against her skin as they landed. There really was nothing quite like being reunited with her family and the love they showered her in.

  The two girls spent a minute communing with their companions while the other royals appeared with their guards from wherever they’d been staying. She slowly walked to meet them halfway, stopping by a stalk of batambu to make it grow a small shoot that she collected into her ring. She mentally reaffirmed that not giving it to her in the herbal collection was a mere oversight that she was correcting. They’d given her enough of the products, and she wanted the real thing for study. Mostly to see how it differed from the plant she’d only experienced in little pots on a desk.

  It wasn’t like they were about to stop her, and she’d made far more outrageous requests. Camille just smirked, but didn’t say anything, reinforcing her opinion that it was fine. Of course, she could have been sneakier about it, but why add stress when she could just do it openly?

  “About time you were done.” Hunter remarked gratefully. He was protecting Eris from his twin, and she had to wonder what he’d done to warrant the behavior over the last few hours.

  As expected, they weren’t alone. Lars and Ryan kept pace with the royals, looking only mildly bedraggled from entertaining the energetic youngsters. Grinning, Jade asked, “I told you, you didn’t have to wait for me.” The guards, at least, looked in better shape, but she supposed they’d stayed clear of their antics in favor of doing…well, their job.

  He let out a small huff as he replied, “You think these two would have gone anywhere else?” When she raised a mildly confused brow, he added, “They’ll stick to you like glue until you either give them what they want or mom and dad find out.”

  The lightbulb went off, and she smirked as she glanced at the innocent looking Hayden and Tisha, who stared at the batambu as if it was the most fascinating thing. It was apparent they wanted bonds before their parents could tell them no. Ignoring them in favor of the two outsiders, Jade nodded to them respectfully as she addressed them, “Count Debraun, Count MachMannon, thank you for keeping them company. I hope they didn’t cause too much trouble.”

  “It was our pleasure, Duchess.” Lars looked amused as he glanced at Hayden. “Although I’m fairly certain if the baby rooda hadn’t already been bonded, your prince might’ve stolen one.”

  Hayden sighed dramatically as he agreed, “Absolutely. It was a terrible oversight on your part not to bring one for me. Who could resist those little paws?”

  “They grow up quite quickly.” Ryan pointed out with a grin.

  “And then they become large and cuddly. I see no problems.” Hayden quipped back.

  Lars ruffled his hair, obviously far more familiar after the time spent together that afternoon, “I think your parents might disagree.”

  Tisha was silently pouting, until finally she gave in and moved to Jade’s good side to hang onto her arm. “Jade, you’ll find me a bonded, right?”

  She looked at Camille and Hunter, who were pointedly not meeting her eyes, and let out a sigh of her own. “Tish, you know it depends on fate, right? When you find the right bond for you, you’ll know. That’s why I bonded Camille and Hunter. Choosing a companion is not like going to the market. It’s a lifelong decision that should be made with a friend you’ll love and treat as your own family. When you find that, I’ll bond you.” It was a soft promise, but the best she could do, because it’s what she really believed.

  Ryan nodded as a giant rooda came up behind him, nudging him gently for scritches. He laughed as he said, “She’s right, you know. Azoth and I had an instant connection. Without that, you’ll struggle.”

  Lars agreed as his own companion joined them demanding scritches. “Selys says you need to be patient.”

  Pouting, Tisha left her side to go scratch the rooda, leaning into the furry comfort as she said, “I don’t want to be patient. I want what you all have.”

  “Yeah, what she said.” Hayden echoed quietly, and Jade just rolled her eyes at him. She seemed to be doing that a lot today, but it felt appropriate.

  Looking between the two of them, she finally conceded, “Fine. We can go and see the rest of the animals, but I make no promises.” They cheered, and she smiled back at Lars and Ryan, giving a quick pat to their two companions to collect their dots. “While it was lovely to see you, I think I’ll take them away now.”

  “Enjoy that.” Ryan said with a grin, and she beckoned her charges closer. Used to the drill, they crowded into a circle at one side as she gave a last wave to the two delegates before lightening their gravity and using her wind to shoot them into the sky.

  She angled them back for Dracona, beginning her habitual drainage that created a dark spot as they passed over the city. The people below where she passed were either terribly confused or had gotten used to her antics. Then again, she passed quickly enough that the shadow was fleeting. Probably just confusion then. Although it amused her to imagine a child saying ‘look, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s…Jade!’

  When she passed Magnus without stopping, Tisha made noises of protest. Camille tried to silence her sister, but Jade decided to be honest. “Look, I said we’d go, but not when. I have something far more important to do, so you’ll have to wait.”

  She could tell the princess was getting annoyed at being told no so many times today. “But you just said we’d visit. What’s more important? Timing is everything! Once our parents find out, if we haven’t already got a bond, they might say no!” She could see the guards struggling not to say something, but Hunter gave them a look and they pretended they were deaf.

  Instead of staying her course, she immediately brought them down to the ground, gesturing for the princess to step out. “Then be my guest. Go.” Her good humor was rapidly vanishing in the face of petulance. Ugh. Was this how people felt when dealing with her? She was trying to reign it in, but the next words didn’t help.

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  “It’s no use if you’re not there! Why can’t you just take us there first?” Camille’s fingers closed over her sister’s mouth, but too late. She could hear the muffled shouts as she continued yelling at her siblings despite the blockage, “Mwoo dun ka, oo geb ooze rudy!”

  It took only a moment for Jade to interpret the words as ‘You don’t care, you got yours already.’

  Hunter took a step back, not prepared for the anger from the petite blonde. He held Eris protectively, having also figured out what she said and giving his sister a hurt look. Hayden looked torn between agreement and shame.

  Camille sighed, letting go. The damage was done. Looking at the guards, she said softly, “I need you two to…go somewhere else for a bit.”

  “Yes, princess.” They gave her short bows, pointedly not looking at her siblings as they quickly trotted off around the corner of the nearest building, beating a hasty retreat.

  Silently, Jade raised the wind wall back around them, cutting off noise as she turned to the still irate Tisha, who seemed confused by their reactions. Still not realizing the severity of her actions, she continued, “Why do you care? It’s just a few minutes. We waited for you for hours.”

  “Tisha…” Even Hayden seemed appalled at her behavior now.

  Before his twin could say more, Hunter cut in, “You chose to do that. Don’t put that on her.” She felt a tiny bit of warmth at his defense, and took a deep breath to calm herself. She was still trying to hold back before she said something she regretted. Silently, she counted to ten and back, then did it again. Everyone’s emotions were running high.

  As calmly as she could manage, she met the younger girl’s gaze and said softly, “I realize you want a companion. This is not how you get one. And to be clear, my offer to help you is off the table for now. A companion is a responsibility, and right now, I don’t think you’re up for it. You have to consider their needs as much as your own, and I don’t think you’re capable of that at the moment.”

  It was like she’d slapped her. She was about to say something else when Jade held up her good hand and said calmly, “No. Right now I can’t hear it. I think we both need some space to consider things. I’m sorry that we’re not in agreement on priorities, but I have something important to do, and now I think it’s best accomplished alone.”

  “Jade, no. I’m coming with you.” Camille instantly interjected, given that she was the only one who actually knew what was going on.

  Giving her a strained smile, she shook her head. “No, I think Oakley and the swarm will be sufficient guardians. Spend some time with your siblings. I’ll contact you later.”

  Without giving her another chance to object, she retracted her bubble until it was just around her and then left, following the skyway to the zoo. It was an abrupt exit, but necessary for her peace of mind. She needed to cool off and see if she could fix her spirit. Hopefully that would ease some of the tension she knew she was still holding onto.

  Preferably before she permanently ruined any of her relationships by being snippy and self-centered. Because in her heart, she knew that just as much as Tisha wanted to proceed with her agenda, she was being selfish in choosing to do what she considered more important.

  She probably should’ve just explained what was going on. The princess likely would have understood if she’d just…talked to her. She’d been holding off on that because of the guards before Tisha pushed her buttons wrong.

  “Am I just really that terrible with relationships?” She asked rhetorically. Of course she was. The ins and outs of a healthy relationship were all new to her. She didn’t want to be a pushover, but neither did she want to be a bulldozer. The line in between was something she was still trying to find.

  There wasn’t any point in blaming the princess, either. Of course she was jealous her siblings got awesome pets and she didn’t. She understood that completely. Her entire personality had practically been built on envy. It was just frustrating when someone harped on something that she felt like she’d already explained multiple times. Why couldn’t she just understand?

  Because understanding required communication. And right now she was relying on Camille to play peacemaker and relay what was actually going on while she ran away. It wasn’t fair to her either. Dropping through the sky into the zoo, she tried to think of how she should have handled that better. How she could improve in the future. Unfortunately, she was too riled up still to think properly, so as she made her way into the fellacai enclosure, instead of going straight to downing her potion, she made her way to the grass to lay down as she greeted her animated tree tiredly, “Hey Oakley. I need a minute, then I’ll come talk.” She felt the warmth of the tree welcoming her to the small grove.

  Her babies shuffled around as she settled, their flock coming to visit and she became covered in butterfly kisses. She became still as a statue, trying to reach a zen state and be still so she wouldn’t hurt them. They were so delicate that a single wrong move from her could be disastrous.

  She’d thought more than once that relationships were like that. A glass shoe that once dropped, was broken forever. But maybe it was more like a Japanese teacup. She liked the idea of Kintsugi, of treasuring things enough to fix them, even if it was with her hated gold. It was never the same when you fixed it, but hopefully it was stronger, and held its own beauty.

  Even if she had cracked something within them, with time and effort, she could repair it. She would at least try her best.

  For now, it was time to see if she could piece herself together. She’d delayed long enough. “All right, back to the trees. This next part isn’t going to be pretty.” Her voice was soft, and the fellacai took flight, creating a beautiful swirl of color in the air. She watched them with a more genuine smile as she hauled herself up and over to Oakley.

  “Hey, how’re you doing here?” She leaned against the tree, her arm going around its trunk in a partial hug as she communed with nature. She could feel Oakley’s excitement through their bond, as it learned of the world from the fellacai and stretched to enjoy the sunlight. No one else tried to come inside, so it was content studying its friends and helping them grow.

  Wait. Helping them grow? She could see the tree’s roots had stretched to the stream, but hadn’t realized they were actually sending energy to anything else. From Oakley, she got a sense that it knew she liked the grass, so it had been spreading it to create comfy places for her. It was then that she realized on the other side of the tree was something akin to a mossy nest of roots, a cradle for her to relax into while she watched the sky through Oakley’s boughs.

  “That’s very thoughtful of you, thank you, Oakley.” She replied softly, giving the tree a pat as she went to explore what it made. It felt like a cozy reading nook, or a land-based hammock. She knew she’d be spending a significant amount of time there in the future most likely.

  Its presence was calming. Even if she hadn’t meant to create the machran, perhaps it was fate. The gods seemed especially active and interested in her life this week, so maybe they set her on this path. She was still going to give them an earful if this turned out to be some sort of entertainment for them, but maybe they really did just want to help the world, and therefore her. Only time would tell.

  “Oakley, can you create a harness of sorts for me in the stream?” She didn’t know what the effects of the potion would do, but experience taught her it was likely to be messy. Being in the flowing water served two purposes. One, it would carry away any refuse she excreted from her pores before it could stick to her and harden. Two, her wound was a burn, and though it was on her spirit, it just felt appropriate to soothe her body with running water. Maybe it would help. It hurt nothing to try.

  However, she also didn’t want to accidentally drown if she lost control or consciousness in her pain. She studied the stream, noting that it was still too shallow for her needs, so she reached out with earth magic, deepening it in the section below Oakley’s roots. There was a brief pause as the stream paused to refill the flow, but it did so and then continued on uninterrupted. Perfect.

  Stripping down to her underclothes, she stepped into the cool mini pool she’d created. It was literally just large enough for her to sit there and soak comfortably, and as she leaned her head back Oakley’s roots were there, supporting her shoulders and head.

  “Thanks for watching out for me. Just make sure I don’t drown, please.” She felt the agreement from the tree as she slid beneath the surface until only her head remained uncovered.

  Lifting her hand from the water, she flicked the glowing potion out. “Well…here goes.” She thought about taking a smaller dose, but downed the whole thing instead. Putting the crystal decanter back inside her ring once it was empty, she watched and waited as the liquid began to tingle inside her.

  It was time to see if she could remake herself.