After we left the roof, he walked me back to my room, and asked if I was alright. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how I felt - it was a lot of new information to sort through, but I felt better knowing that he knew that part of me, and that he understood what it felt like.

  I changed into a pair of sweats and an old shirt. The nights were getting colder now, and I wondered how we would heat the offices when winter came.

  But when my head hit my pillow, I relaxed, and my mind started to wander. Thinking of Barclay, floors above me, and that I should have asked if he was okay too. But the pull of sleep was too strong, and I closed my eyes and drifted off.

  My breath caught and came in bursts. I couldn’t get enough air, it felt like drowning. But I wasn’t in water.

  There was a bright light above me, and faces I didn’t recognize around me. But then the names came to the surface: I got the notion of “sister”, and “Sharlene”.

  My chest hurt, like a pressure, but the pressure of someone twisting your lungs so tightly you couldn’t inhale. My mouth gaped like a fish trying to breathe air. Everyone around me looked pained and panicked, but I knew there was nothing to be done.

  I grabbed the sister’s hand and held it tight, closing my eyes, willing the pain to stop, until finally, it did.

  Gasping for air, I sat straight up. My hands clutched at the skin over my neck and chest, like they were checking that my lungs were still there. After a moment, I managed to center myself, and to convince my brain that I wasn’t really dying.

  I pulled a sweater over my shirt, and slipped into my running shoes. I wondered if Barclay would be up now too?

  Pulling open the door into the stairwell as quietly as I could, I wasn’t surprised to see Barclay already in the stairwell to the right of the door, sitting with his knees up, leaning against the wall under the banister.

  He looked up at me, his eyes full of concern. I sat down next to him and he put his good arm around me. I tucked my head into his shoulder, and without meaning to, tears started to fall. I tried to compose myself, panicking a bit at the tight feeling in my chest, all too similar to the nightmare.

  “Sorry,” I say wiping my face, but when I pull back, Barclay’s eyes are red too. He smiles at me slightly, and moves his arm back to wipe his own eyes.

  “Don’t be.”

  He gestures for me to lean forward again so he could put his arm back around my shoulders. It was comforting. We sat in silence for a minute, with almost no sounds in the building since it should be only night watch up on the roof, and a few guards on the main level that would be up at this hour.

  “So, what do you mean you feel it too? Do you see them? The nightmares?” I ask. He shakes his head, and something in the motion shifts something in me. It makes me feel more alone than before.

  “I don’t see anything, other than your color,” He pauses. “I feel,” He sighs and tries to motion with his right hand in the sling and winces, laughing a little. “You.” He finishes simply. “And I can tell you that last one - what was it? Pneumonia or something? That sucked.”

  “They had their family there. It’s more comforting for them that way, usually.” I offer. I shuffle again, trying to relieve the tension in my body.

  “I can feel you now even, hesitating, questioning.” My heart rate picks up, and I’m sure that he can feel that as I’m pressed into him. He shifts a little, and I move my weight off of him in case he’s getting up, but he settles back down again.

  “Does this make you uncomfortable?” He whispers next, and I might not share the same ability as him, but I can feel the tension in his body. And I’m not sure if he’s referring to our proximity right now, or the fact that he can sense me, or something else.

  “Wouldn’t you know if I was?” I counter, looking at him and raising an eyebrow.

  “This is a new ability to me, I’m not sure how it works.”

  “Why do you see me?” I whisper.

  “I don’t know.” He replies simply.

  “You said this is new to you, so you haven’t always had it then?” My mind was still trying to make sense of this. Barclay was different too, like me, but not. I didn’t know how to feel about any of this. But it felt good to be here now, and to have someone who knew a bit of what I was going through.

  “It happened during the Change. I was just at home, scrolling through my phone, and suddenly - nothing. Darkness, no lamps, no phones. My living room had gone dark, but I could see everything.” I shift so I’m more comfortable, but I wait for him to continue, wonder in his voice.

  “It was amazing at first. There were so many colours, all brilliant from below me.” He paused as a stairwell door opened from above us. He lowered his voice but kept talking.

  “I lived in an apartment, right above a major road, so there had been hundreds of cars still moving when the lights went out. Tons of people, all in different colours.” He went quiet for a few seconds, and I could feel his breaths shorten, but I didn’t dare interrupt him.

  “It seemed like it happened all at once. There wasn’t even the squealing of tires like the movies, just the sound of metal hitting metal, and concrete, and people,” His voice broke on the last word. “And then it was dark again.” I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t think of anything to help the horror he had been through. “A few of the lights remained, but after a minute, they had faded too.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper finally, knowing it is not near enough. He moves his head away to look at me, and I look up at him.

  The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  We’re close now, sitting like this. My heart beat is in my chest, and it’s beating so quickly it hurts. I chance a glance at his lips — I can’t help it.

  He leans in, slow, glancing up at me, giving me time to pull away if I wanted to — and then his lips barely touch mine, just a graze, when the door next to us opens and he clears his throat, taking his arm back from around my shoulders.

  “Sorry,” A girl, Shawna, mutters as she locks the door behind her. “You have a key?” She pauses and asks. I assure her I do, and she continues making her way downstairs.

  “Guess that means it’s morning.” Barclay says, and he gets up, offering me his good hand. I take it, but neither of us lets go once I’m standing.

  Barclay saves me from having to say anything, instead, he just squeezes my hand, and steps back.

  “Have a good morning, I’ll see you in a bit.” And turns and walks up the stairs.

  He’ll see me in a bit? I wonder what he meant by that. Maybe he forgot today was a supply run day? I shake my head and unlock the door to walk back inside so I can pack.

  I grabbed my backpack, some water and purification tablets, extra snacks, and my sleeping bag and outdoor clothes. I included a small first aid kit, my hunting knife, and matches with my fire starter kit. And after a moment’s hesitation, I pack the novel I’d been reading as well.

  Shouldering my bag I run up the flights of stairs to say goodbye to Abel, and while the hospital door being propped open by a book isn’t unusual, I wasn’t expecting to see Barclay standing next to it with a small bag beside him and two hashbrown patties in his good hand.

  “Here,” He says, moving his hand so I can take one of the two hashbrowns.

  “Thank you,” I tell him before biting into it. “Why did you bother wishing me good morning if I was going to see you in 15 minutes?” I ask him, half-joking.

  He only shrugs, and kicks the bag on the floor next to him.

  “Extra supplies for your run. I figured you’d want to talk to your brother, so I went down and talked to Axel, and got your additional supplies.”

  “Thank you,” I say again, surprised he would go to all that trouble for me. Or that he had the time to do all of that.

  “No problem, I’ll leave you to talk to your brother, I’ll see you in the kitchen.”

  I grab the bag, and move my backpack to the front so I can put it inside. We always have what’s known as “group gear” that is split more or less evenly between everyone. Mine says “cooking supplies” written on sharpie on the front, so I don’t need to open it to know what it is.

  “Hey,” Abe greets me as I sit next to him. His hair has been washed, and he’s sitting up in his bed, dressed in jeans and a shirt, instead of the pajama type sets they usually keep us in up here.

  “You look better.” He grins.

  “I am. Cher even helped me get some new clothes.” He motions to his jeans.

  “Sorry, I should have thought of that.” I tell him, he only shrugs and waves it off.

  “So you’re heading out now?” I nod, and throw my bag on the floor.

  “Yeah, but it’s only a supply run, shouldn’t be more than a few days.”

  For a moment, I remembered how he used to greet me when I came home from school, when he was too young to have started school himself yet. It used to be a reassurance that I’d come home, and that he’d be there. Now — it was normal to say goodbye without knowing if it was the last time. There were a lot less assurances in this new world.

  “Be careful.” He says, weight to his words. “Can I help, or do anything?” I’m shaking my head before he even finishes speaking.

  “Nope, just get better. I plan to kick your ass in sparring once you’re healed.” He grins again.

  “Cheryl already promised to do that.”

  “Well then, you better heal quickly to be able to take both of us.” I quip, and I move forward to hug him.

  “Make sure you come back.” He tells me.

  “Make sure you’re here when I come back.” I reply. “See you.” I grab my bag and turn around, waving goodbye as I close his door behind me.

  There’s a tightness in my chest at saying goodbye to my brother again. I only just got him back, I can’t lose him again. Rubbing my chest, I’m unpleasantly reminded of the nightmare, but then I remember Barclay’s lips brushing mine, and my cheeks heat.

  Get a grip, I tell myself, grinning as I open the door to the stairwell.

  Making my way down the stairs, I pass a few others starting to go about their day, although the majority of shifts haven’t started yet. A few that I recognize give me small smiles or waves, that I return.

  ***

  The kitchen wasn’t technically open this early, but covered pre-plated servings were set up for those of us running today.

  I put my bag onto the table bench and walked up to grab a plate. Lifting the lid, my plate held some soggy toast, and eggs with dehydrated bacon bits. The bacon was a treat, someone must have found some on a recent run.

  There wasn’t many of us up at this hour, so there was plenty of room and I sat far removed from even the smallest group of people in the lunchroom. I didn’t want to chance overhearing someone’s conversation about the upcoming run — just in case.

  I dug into my food and looked around as I chewed. I was surprised Barclay wasn’t here yet. He wasn’t one of the runners today, but he had said he would see me before I left.

  Digging through my backpack, I pulled out my book. It was an old paperback copy of a book I read in elementary school. The cover had been torn off, but I had reinforced the spine and a few pages with tape, so it still held together okay.

  Settling into my book I quickly forgot about those around me. After a few minutes, my plate empty, movement caught my eye. Barclay was sliding into the seat across from me, his tray balanced awkwardly against the arm in the sling.

  “Hey,” He said, and moved to swing his leg over the bench. “Were you thinking I forgot about you?” He asked, smiling slightly.

  “Nah, do you need me to cut up your food for you?” I ask in return, voice teasing as if he was a little kid.

  “No,” He scowls as he picked up a large piece of egg, and bites into it, not bothering cutting it at all. “I hate this sling.” He mutters in between bites.

  “Only, what? Six more weeks?” I ask, my tone light, Barclay only sighs and continues to eat. I laugh quietly.

  “Alright everyone!” Someone who I think goes by the name Alyx claps their hands to get everyone’s attention as they stand by the door. “You have your pairs, we’re just doing an out and back, about 3 days. Hopefully you have all packed enough supplies for the journey. If not, well, hopefully we can scrounge up enough to make the trip worth it. Any questions?”

  The lunchroom went quiet. Most of us knew the drill by now. Alyx nodded.

  “Okay then, we leave in 10.”

  I looked to Barcaly and noticed that his gaze had fallen to his food, but he wasn’t eating.

  “You okay?” I asked him quietly.

  “’Course. You should get going though.” He motioned with his fork at my plate. “I’ll clean up.” I shrug, thanking him as I turn to double check my pack, and put my book inside again.

  “Okay, I think I’m all set.” I tell Barclay, who is stacking his now empty plate on top of mine.

  “Sounds good, be safe.” Barclay nods towards me. I watch him for a moment too long, something seeming off about him. I dismissed the thought, maybe it was just him being upset about his injury, and being left behind.

  Moving my leg over the the bench, I made it a few steps away before Barclay’s voice calls out.

  “Cain, I — wait,” I turn back, watching as he stumbles getting off of the bench, and then I walk forward so I could meet him and the end of the line of tables.

  His good arm reaches out and brushes mine.

  “I mean it, be safe.” His gaze meets mine and it holds an intensity I hadn’t seen before.

  No, that wasn’t true. It was the same look he had when he had been waiting downstairs for Abel and I, when we returned from the last run. Worry, and something else I didn’t have a name for yet.

  “Of course, I will,” I say, and without thinking I link my one arm around his good side and hug him. After a moment, he relaxes and I feel his hand move to my shoulder.

  “Take care,” Barclay says quietly as we break apart, and I turn to leave.