As soon as I left the rec room, my smile faded. It was like taking off a mask, except it was just my face. Ever since Greece, I had felt like something was missing. So I would just put on a happy face and pretend that everything was okay. No sense worrying my friends, right? Besides, I was still worried about my Sis. She still wasn't back to normal after Greece either. Between Erik being a dick, and me dying, she was going through a lot of her own. Oh! and she killed a guy, but he was kind of a douche, so, you know.

  As I made my way down the halls to my dorm, it felt like the fluorescent lights took too long to turn on. I spent most of the time in the dark, staring down the corridor. Which used to be a perfectly normal thing, until recently. Now, when I stared into the darkness too long, I could have sworn things were staring back me. So, I got a night light. Sis laughed at me when I told her. But it keeps the room lit when I'm trying to sleep and only makes one shadow in the corner of the room. I think the hardest part had been the emptiness.

  It was like nothing gave me joy anymore, even when I did stuff I loved, like eating or fighting. I used to take my shirt off in celebration of everything. Mostly because it was fun, and partially because of how the team reacts. They'd laugh at me, which makes them happy, so I guess that's something. I don't even spend lots of time with Tadashi, like I used to. Now we just meet up for training, but by the end, I feel so, drained. But like, not in physical way. Like in my head. Or in my soul.

  But it is what it is, you know?

  As I walked by, Orion poked his head out of his room, and normally it was nice to see him, but I was just so drained from playing horsey with the kids and then training and then...

  "What's up big guy? You look sad." Orion asked, nice as always.

  "Oh hey man, nothing's up. I was just thinking. Sometimes that makes me look sad." I told him, forcing a smile. He eyed me up and down, squinting at me.

  "I dunno, you look pretty wiped. I guess the kids are running us ragged. You make a much better horse by the way." He laughed and I forced myself to do the same.

  "Maybe I just need some sleep." I told him, trying not to be dismissive.

  "I bet. You're always doing something physical man, you should try video games or something." Orion motioned to his dorm room, inviting me inside.

  "Oh no, I'm not smart enough for video games." I told him, shaking my head.

  "You don't have to be smart for video games bud, lets just button mash a fighting game or something?" He offered. I realized he probably wasn't going to take no for an answer, and I didn't wanna upset my friend, so I nodded, letting him lead me into his room. Luckily, it was lit up with all kinds of neon lights and LED keyboards and screens. So much light, that I actually perked up a bit. Orion handed me a controller and booted up some game where guys fight each other with different weapons and stuff. I picked a really big guy with an axe, and Orion chose some little girl with a small sword. He was so much faster than me, and beat me over and over again. Then he felt bad, so he started using random characters, and beat me with those too. After an hour or so, he smiled at me.

  "You're not bad at it, you just need more practice. Come by sometime and we'll jam some more games." He said excitedly. I smiled back and nodded, and wandered out of his room into the darkness of the hallway. I could feel the things in the dark, staring, probably judging me about how bad I was at video games. I walked to my room quickly, hoping to not disturb the things that were lingering. I quickly closed my door behind me and turned on all my lights. That's when I realized I hadn't been breathing and took a big gasping breath. I sat down on the edge of my bed, and stared at the carpet that made it so I wasn't standing on the cold stone floor. But somehow I was still cold. I had goosebumps everywhere. I reached back and wrapped my blanket around myself, but even that didn't warm me up. This had also been a problem lately; I was cold all the time. I would take scalding hot showers until my flesh was pink and burnt just to feel warm.

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  So how, I never managed to feel quite right.

  I knew I wasn't the smartest guy here, but it was clear that whatever happened to me in Greece, beneath the ground, when the white ghost girl tried to take my soul...it damaged me somehow. Dyson had tried to save me, and Sis was able to bring me back with the Holy Grail, but something was still off. Something felt like it was...missing?

  The worst part was, I didn't really have anyone to talk to about it. Dyson was never here, Sis has her own problems and well, it was hard to believe anyone else would understand me. So I did what I always do when I need to think; I went to the gym. It wasn't like I was going to be able to sleep anyway. I tossed off my blanket, changed into my gym shorts and headed for the door, eyeing the shadowy corner, expecting it to jump out at me. Again, the lights in the hall wouldn't turn on, so I bolted down the hall toward the gym, trying not to make too much noise. It was always hard to tell who was actually sleeping around here. The further I went, the more the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. The dark stone hallways under the Cathedral felt like they were full of unseen monsters, lurking just out of view, like when you walk upstairs at night, and start to run, because it feels like something is behind you.

  I rounded the corner into the gym and slammed on the lights, panting. I had goosebumps and I felt all dysregulated, so I loaded up the shoulder press with as much weight as I could manage and went to work. The physical pain helped to numb what was going on in my head, but it was hard to shake the feeling of something looming. I used gym towels to cover the mirrors. I turned every light on, but it still felt like something was there.

  "Hello?" I called out nervously. There was no response and I chuckled to myself. Of course there was no one there. And then the door swung open and screamed.

  "What the fuck?!" Kalysta screamed back at me. I clutched my chest, panting heavily.

  "I'm so sorry, you scared me." I told her breathlessly. Kalysta stood in the doorway, eyebrows raised.

  "I scared you? Ethan, you shrieked when I entered. Are you good?" She asked, finally stepping inside. She wore her usual leggings and grey sports bra, he hands full of her towel, cellphone and water bottle. I suddenly felt unprepared for my workout.

  "Yea, I'm good. Thanks for asking. Just startled me is all." I told her.

  Kalysta mounted the leg press across from me and started her routine. I tried not to look at her as she worked out. Mostly out of respect, but also because I had figured I was going to be alone in here. I thought about leaving.

  "Hey Ethan," Kalysta started as I left the shoulder press. "Things have been a little tense around here lately. But I figure you're the one that's all happy and smiles even in dire situations. Seeing you shaken makes me nervous. Is something up?'

  I stared at the door, wondering what dumb excuse I could make to run away. Instead, I took and deep inhale and sighed.

  "It feels like everything is out of whack, you know?"

  "Tell me about it. Between Erik and your sister, and Dyson, Orion's parents coming to help, and Anders' angel wife showing up injured. It's been an exciting few days. I haven't seen Chase in days either." She finished her set and moved to the next machine.

  "I hadn't even noticed." I said, then added, "about Chase, I mean. I noticed the other stuff." I could feel my face going red. I always managed to sound like a moron.

  "I know what you meant. And with Anders gone now, for who knows how long, we haven't gotten any missions. I'm dying to get out in the field." She said, disheartened. Her poor choice of words made me cringe, and she saw it on my face.

  "Uh, sorry about that." She moved a lock of hair from her face to smile sympathetically at me. It was a weird combination of her dyed scarlet, and her natural black hair coming through.

  "It's fine. I wasn't even dead that long." I waved her off, dismissing it.

  "No really. I can't imagine what that was like." She locked her weights into place and got off the machine, walking towards me.

  "I don't even really remember what it was like." I lied. I was acutely aware of the in between struggle while I floated between the ghost lady and Dyson, fighting over my soul before it got pulled viciously back into my body. It was like trying to wear a meat suit that just didn't fit right anymore. But I wasn't about to tell her that.

  "That's good at least. I'd imagine it would cause a great deal of distress if you did." She patted me on the shoulder before heading to a different machine.

  "Yea, imagine."

  I made my way to the door, opening it and staring back out into the dark hallway. I shuddered.

  "Done already?" Kalysta called out, but it was like I didn't hear her.

  I stared into the darkness and I knew it was staring back at me.