I woke up with a headache. Which wasn’t in any way fair, I don’t drink, why am I waking up with a headache? I plodded over and filled myself a gss of water. That helped. I sighed. I’d been back about a month now. The pain in my hip was now generally tolerable. Maybe I’d participate in PE tomorrow. Not today. Today I needed to go out of town.

  Why didn’t I buy my medicine in bulk? I was literally gaslighting the clerk into thinking bnk paper was a doctor signed prescription, I could pass it off as a prescription for a fifty year supply if I wanted. But I didn’t have the money for that, and bean counters are much more likely to notice missing stock if the count in the till is wrong. Truth be told I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay for this month’s. I could probably find a deserving target to rob in the parking lot again if I hung out for long enough, but that was not a sustainable solution. I’d have to talk to the Elders about that.

  I pced two slices of sourdough bread on the gas grill to cook them on one side. At least I was eating better these days. I literally just had to skate the twenty minutes into town and walk into any of the buildings in the food district and I’d be showered with gifts. Being town hero had its perks as much as I was sick to death of reliving the stories they kept asking about. Speaking of stories I’d rather forget…

  My mind was cast back to my dream st night. I had a hot werewolf friend who’d carry me home in the pouring rain because my bullet wound was feeling hurty. I was also friends with her 5 pints of telekinesis and hatred girl crush. Why in the name of Elbe’s boobs was I having erotic dreams about the dead nazi woman who I had killed and was the one person I had done that to permanently or otherwise that I didn’t feel even a little bit bad about? And why did she have a German accent? She’d never had one in life!

  Like seriously? Werewolf girl. Angry telekinetic. Shapeshifter who could look like Princess GooGoo if I showed her a picture. BRAIN! WHY? “You could ask Alice to turn into the evil army dy and dress in leathers and tie you up” my brain provided. That’s how I learned you can make yourself do a spit take.

  I knocked on Victoria’s door. I heard a noise like a herd of wild horses approaching the door. It was thrown open and Charlotte tackled me to the ground for a bone crushing hug. “Big sis!” she cried happily. I tousled her hair and gave her a smile. “Hey there little sis. Is aunt Vicky ready to go?” I asked. “She’ll be down in a minute. Where you going big sis?” she said cheerily. “Just a quick shopping trip, really” I assured her. “Can I come?” she asked. She had been asking since I pnned this with the elders st week. I hadn’t budged on my answer. “Not without your father’s permission” I said sternly.

  “He might not even be my Dad for long” she pouted. “Yes, and letting you leave town before you were ready the first time is why the elders are considering relieving him of that title. Do you really think you sneaking off with me and aunt Vicky will help his case?” I asked. “Nooooooo” she pouted. “Do you want him to lose you?” I asked. “Nooooooooooo” she pouted. “Then be a good girl and stay home, okay?” I told her.

  She wandered into the house with a sad look on her face. I sighed. Victoria exited the domicile. “Ready?” I asked. “Sure” she said. We got in the car. “This isn’t the car from st time” she noted. “Yeah. That one crashed and probably got impounded. This one was kindly donated by one of the soldiers working at the pce we were imprisoned. There’s a strong chance he died in the fire fight I started on the way out” I noted. Why are dead military people my goto for car shopping? I mean two nickles but…

  “Is this one normal?” she asked. “What do you mean?” I replied. “Does it have the extra pedal?” - “Yes” - “… Why?” - “I like stickshift” I said defensively. She gave me a pained look. “Do you just want to be the only one who can drive the car?” she asked accusingly. “Not at all. I just like stickshifts. They’re more fun to drive!” I pouted.

  The way down the mountain passed retively quickly with Victoria desperately trying to hold down her breakfast. She didn’t say much. Just because she now liked me on principal didn’t make us friends. “Has Charlotte been adjusting to town life okay?” I asked. “Not really. She keeps telling her cssmates about how the Mexicans and the Iranians and the Canadians are coming for us and we’d be overrun if not for the brave soldiers of the united states army” Victoria grumbled. I frowned. “Well that’s not good… Maybe a sisters’ movie night to break some of her programming is in order” I noted.

  “Why do you call her your sister? You’re not really sisters” asked Victoria. “Peter’s not really her father either” I noted. “That’s different. The elders made him her father when she first started shifting” said Victoria. “And I made myself her sister when I had to spend time with her in one of the most terrifying pces I’ve ever been in my life. And that’s saying something, I’ve been to Utah!” I replied.

  “Who gave you authority to decre yourself her sister?” Victoria demanded. “Who gave the elders authority to separate her from her mother and pce her with a sixteen year old” I asked. “The elders operate in the best interests of the town” said Victoria. “They didn’t even have a beastshifter in their number at the time!” I said acidly. “Elder Sampson has never compined about the rules of beastshifter adoptions” Victoria stated. “Maybe he should have” I stated. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “He was sixteen Victoria. And he made a very sixteen-year-old mistake” I noted. “You think we lost him and Charlotte because he was sixteen?” Victoria asked. “I think you lost him and Charlotte because the Elders gave a child to someone who wasn’t ready for one” I affirmed. “Sixteen-year-olds become parents the old fashioned way all the time” she noted. “That happens nationwide. A lot of the time they’re put up for adoption because the teenagers having those babies know they’re not ready for them but terminating a pregnancy viotes the (technically not but in practice) state religion. Maybe some teenagers are ready to be parents. Your brother was not one of them”

  “Do you think the elders should take Charlotte away from him?” Victoria asked quietly. “Absolutely the fuck not! He’s been her father for six years in a pce I have no shame in admitting I’m still having nightmares about. I think splitting them up would traumatize both of them and that’s exactly what I told the elders when they asked me that same question” I stated coldly. Victoria was silent for a few moments. “Thanks” she said. “Don’t mention it” I smiled.

  “If the Elders let him keep her, we’ll probably have a town house building. Think you’ll participate?” she asked. I sighed. “Well the town participated in building my house. I don’t think its an option for me to not repay the favour” I sighed. “Will you be alright with your hip?” she asked. “I can mix wood glue” I grunted. “That’s a job for the old and infirm! Also children” she noticed. “You know I am a child, right?” I reminded her.

  “Sometimes I forget. You act so mature sometimes” she replied. I sighed. “Yeah. That’s what being raised by crazy people will do to you. You learn to look out for yourself pretty quickly” I said. “Do you ever miss having parents? The elders would probably assign you some if you asked” she said kindly. The smell of this morning’s toast filled my nostrils. “No. I… I don’t think I’ll ever trust someone that much again” I shivered.

  “What is this pce?” asked Victoria. “This is the DMV. Welcome to the allegedly unhappiest pce in the continental united states. So long as you ignore all the shanty towns, prisons and secret bck sites” I expined. “What are we doing here?” she asked. “We’re here to acquire you a drivers license” I said with a smile. “Wait really? Don’t you need to brainwash judges and stuff to build me a cover story first?” she asked.

  “Yeah, because that bit of paper I gave the witch hunter did me so much good. A cop will either accept the license without checking up on it and send you on your way or find some other reason to arrest you. Next time a cop asks me to wait while he does a background check I’m making him shoot himself in the foot with his own gun and driving off” I spat. “Fair enough” said Victoria. “But why do I need one?”

  “I’m going to teach you to drive the car” I said pinly. “For real!” she gasped. “Yeah. I think it would be nice to have the option to join the lesbian cuddle pile in the back seat next time” I said. She bit down her ughter. “Of course. Cos you don’t do anything to be generous” she chuckled. “I bought you your damn belly ring asshole” I huffed. “That was to say thank you for supervising your mall visit” she said. “I could have made you leave one of them behind. You put me over budget you know” I griped. She defted a bit. “Oh, yeah. Sorry about that” she said sheepishly. “A thank you would suffice” I told her. “… Thanks” she said.

  Conveniently, I found a man screaming racial abuse at one of the clerks. I directed him to empty his wallet and then sent him on his way. He had sixty dolrs. That would barely cover medicine plus gas. I sighed. I felt bad for him. What if this was his st sixty dolrs? “Then he shouldn’t have been calling a poor DMV worker who’s only trying to make ends meet a “moon monkey” whatever that means” justified some part of me. I groaned. I really needed a pn to start making money before I ran out of medicine again. Maybe I could sell potatoes at a farmers market or something? The elders would probably just give me potatoes if I asked. I could call it a safe field trip for town folks to learn how to interact with outsiders. I was already looking forward to it!

  The poor DMV worker (who was in tears) brought us a manager, who in turn escorted us to the back room and took Victoria’s picture. He also took mine. Might as well get another license for the collection and fake license ptes for another state while I’m here. He came back fifteen minutes ter with a pile of paperwork and I thanked him and we took our leave.

  I got in the passenger side of the car. “Wait, you’re letting me drive?” gasped Victoria. I handed her her license. “Well the state says you can drive so…” I trailed off. “Victoria Turner?” she asked. “Its an in joke” I said. “Okay? You going to expin the joke or…” she asked. “Wouldn’t be much of an in joke if everyone got it” I smiled.

  “Adjust your seat. Good. Now use those buttons to adjust the mirrors until they show half road half sky without having to move your head too much. Now adjust the middle one so you can see the whole of the back window. Great, now here’s the key. Push in the left pedal and turn it all the way and then let it spring back into pce when the engine has started” I expined. “Chu-chu-chu-chu-chu VROOM!” went the engine.

  “Great. Now hold in the left pedal and pull that lever to the left and push up” I expined. “Great, now let the clutch out slowly. You’ll feel when it starts to connect. That’s called the biting point. Once you reach the biting point you can press that button and release the parking break. Then let it out the rest of the way…”. The car cut out. “What happened!” gasped Victoria in a panic.

  “The car just cut out. Its fine. Push in the clutch and start the engine again with the key. I told you this takes practice. Do you now see why I didn’t want to go through this on the way to the mall?” I asked. “Why are you willing to go through it now?” she asked. “Because its only my time we’re wasting” I expined. It took her 11 tries to successfully take off. Then she nearly hit somebody and I had to override her free will to sm the breaks. Granted hitting someone going 5 miles an hour probably wouldn’t do much but it would be a shame to get a demerit on a license you literally only had an hour.

  Victoria turned out to not be a hopeless driver, although she did cut out dozens of times on the way to the chemists. I had to assume direct control a few times when she panicked or couldn’t understand how merging onto a freeway worked. I’d expin it with a diagram ter. For now I was more concerned with getting her used to driving. The complexities of the clutch had shattered her bravado which I considered to be free real estate to build up real confidence backed by true competence.

  It probably took us twice as long to get to the chemist as it would have taken otherwise but its not like I also needed to go food or clothes shopping. Maybe I could do with a training bra, which my idiot brain had conveniently failed to consider back when I had some sort of stable income. Or maybe I was being optimistic about my growth and I’d be fine for another six months.

  My “prescription” was filled without issue. I considered pushing my luck and making him give me more than I had money for. But that would be too great a risk. I sighed.

  That out of the way, I took Victoria to some back roads to practice her fundamentals. It was fun honestly. It reminded me of some of the times I’d spent with my father where I didn’t want to die. Of course, his driving lessons were 10% sexist ranting by volume. But still! Good times considering.

  I let Victoria practice until it got dark and then commandeered the driver’s seat again. “But why?” she whined. “I don’t want you knowing how to get to town by car and you’re less likely to remember the way if you’re not driving” I expined. “Why not?” she asked. “Because the town’s location is a secret usually known only to the elders” I expined. “Why do they let you know it?” she asked. “Because I found it on my own and because its too burned into my memories for principal bck to erase it. He tried, believe me” I expined.

  “Why do the elders even let you leave town? Surely the risk is too great!” she said. “Hence the personal teleporter” I noted. She snorted. “That’s why I’m stuck with you and your weird girl kissing cult?” she gasped. “Yup” I smiled. She sighed and went silent for a few minutes. “Thanks for teaching me to drive” she said after a time. I ughed. “Oh, we’re just getting started. We’re going to need to do SO much driving before you’re ready to drive on your own!” I ughed.

  “On my own?” she asked. I nodded. “You want to be a raider, right? Elder Nichos says you’re the best teleporter in town next to him. Throw in the ability to drive and you’ll be worth more to a raiding party than he is!” I said. She smiled. “You know if you do that I’ll have less time to watch your back” she stated. I chuckled. “What sort of an asshole would want someone to be less than their full potential just because it conveniences them?” I ughed. “My ex” she noted sourly. “Well here’s to friends who believe in you” I stated. Victoria smiled.

  “Oh, can you do me a favour” I added. “Sure, what?” she asked. “There’s a teleporter in my css called Jessica. In the long run she’ll probably be the one assigned to me when you upskill out of the position. Could you maybe give her some pointers?” I said. “I… literally already tutor her twice a week” ughed Victoria. “Oh… really?” I asked. “Yeah! I tutor all the young teleporters. Also one or two of the older ones. Jessica’s going to need a lot of work to reach my or Elder Nichos’s levels” she noted.

  “Oh… Well keep at it I guess” I said awkwardly. “Is she a friend of yours?” asked Victoria. “Nah. I’ve just seen her in sports events. She’s really creative with her power” I said. “Yeah” ughed Victoria. “I don’t know any other teleporter who pys so fast and loose with angles. Its like the girl is immune to motion sickness… She’ll be a great combat teleporter one day. But her range still leaves a lot to be desired” Victoria summarized.

  “Maybe I’ll tell her about how you get to go out of town with me because you’re a teleporter” I said. “Sure. Anything to encourage her growth” said Victoria. We exited the freeway and I pressed a button to disable the headlights. “WHOA!” said Victoria. “Rex, I could do this in my sleep” I bragged. I tore through the maze at 60 miles an hour. When we came out the other side Victoria was momentarily relieved before we hit the hill and I downshifted and floored the gas.

  “Are you NUTS?” gasped Victoria. “I do this all the time” I handwaved. “Do you think you can find your way back on your own?” she asked. I paused to think for a moment. “If they’ve followed us back this far we’re all in trouble anyway. Sure, you can teleport the rest of the way home” I told her. “Just don’t forget the w of conservation of mo…” - She teleported out. I found out from the elders when I checked in with them to inform them of my return that she’d appeared in front of them and then been unched diagonally into the air and nded in the ke.