Ansgar

  "44, 45, 46..." Bored, I sat in the window of my room and counted the leaves of the tree opposite. ?… 47, 48…“ A squirrel looked at me curiously. Where was I again? Damn. 1...

  "Ansgar!" The door to my room was opened with a swing.

  "Whoa!" I held on to the window frame, otherwise I would have fallen like a sack of potatoes in fright. I turned my head, swung my legs back into my room, and stared angrily at my older sister.

  "Ansgar!" She repeated with ft bck wolf ears. She was an alpha wolf, just like me, only two years older and with more prestige in the pack. Something I didn't care about.

  "Juta!" I rolled my eyes. "I'm busy!"

  “With what? Counting?"

  "Yes."

  "What did you count?" My sister leaned against the door frame and looked at me skeptically.

  "Leaves."

  She grimaced. "Our parents and I are preparing everything for dinner today. An important dinner! And you're counting leaves instead of helping us?"

  I nodded. "It's your dinner. Not mine."

  Juta snorted. She wore a pretty, tight dress. It didn't look like her. My older sister hated dresses. She liked loose clothing. "Why are you wearing THAT?"

  "Because my fiancé likes it." She came in and sat down on my unmade bed. "And since this is our official engagement party, I'm doing Odo the favor and wearing it. Out of love. Better if he doesn't get used to me in dresses. I won't do him the favor often. Maybe I'll actually wear a wedding dress for him... Maybe."

  "Oh. I wouldn't marry him if he wanted to see me in a dress! That's not you." I fidgeted with my feet and hit the wall. The constant noise filled the room. "You just wanted a little celebration, didn't you? Without a dress?" Odo was quite a nice guy. I liked him, but marry him? Nope.

  "Don't do that." Juta held one of my feet. "Please. It's disturbing."

  "Hm. Okay." I didn't move for a moment. But soon afterwards, I drummed my fingers against the window. Unconsciously.

  "Ansgar?"

  "Yes?"

  Juta patted me on the knee and stood up. "Today is an important evening. Please. Behave. No knocking or stomping. Stay seated at the table, and please don't start strange conversations. And, I beg you, don't py with your food. You are 18 years old. Please do not behave as if you were still a child. Odo's parents are coming, just like our parents' beta and her son."

  "This has nothing to do with 'behaving'. I always behave in an exempry manner."

  "Not really." My sister grinned.

  "Yes!" I just couldn't sit still. I HAD to move. "Why are Ingeborg and Wilderich coming too? Won’t that just cause trouble? I don't like them."

  "Probably." Juta sank down on my bed again. "Odo and his parents have only been part of the pack for a few months after theirs was destroyed. They had a high reputation in their pack, even though they are neither alpha nor beta wolves. And now they are afraid of further attacks. Their pack was destroyed by the queen's soldiers after they refused to give up new sves. Odo's parents don't know yet whether they will stay here or look for another pack..."

  "And you want to marry Odo after a few months!" I interrupted her.

  "That's not the point!" hissed Juta. "My nose knew immediately that HE was the RIGHT one. He felt the same way. So why wait?"

  I rolled my eyes. "You've already told me all that."

  "And you never listen to the end!" she reproached me. "Well! It would break Odo's heart if his parents left. They mean a lot to him. Especially now that he has lost everything else. But if they don't stay here, he will lose them, too. To another pack. I will take over this one. He would stay for me, but he would be unhappy. So we have to convince his parents that our pack is strong, that Mom is a strong alpha, and that they are safe here, with us. A STRONG alpha family with a strong beta."

  "Then it will go wrong." I jumped off the windowsill and tugged at my sister's light brown curls. Her hair was slightly lighter than mine, but we shared the same dark skin and almost the same green-blue eyes. My eyes were a little brighter than hers. "We don't have any other beta wolves here who could occupy this position. Our parents' beta is an alpha wolf, and your future beta, her son, is also an alpha wolf. And we both know that while they've agreed to act as a beta, that's not enough for them! Not anymore. When dad's eyes began to weaken, when they agreed..."

  "I know. At that time, Wilderich was still a small child. Just like you. But it is the custom of the pack that the Beta are also present at such an important dinner," Juta replied.

  "You haven't thought of something else." I sat down next to her and wrapped my arms around her. "We also have to give wolves as sves for the Witch Queen!"

  "But not in the next few months." Juta returned the hug. "A sve trader was here before Odo and his family came. Luckily, they didn't take you away." She pressed a kiss on my cheek. "And as long as the queen is waging her war, there will be fewer soldiers here."

  The queen, who had subjugated our people and also the elves long ago, waged war against the rebels. Wolves, elves, and humans who were tired of her tyranny. "Nevertheless. If the sve traders come back, our parents will certainly not choose resistance. Packs that refuse, disappear forever," I grumbled. "Unless the rebels win."

  "Unless they try to take YOU with them. Then our parents WOULD REFUSE! I would refuse ."

  "I think the rest of the pack would celebrate my loss," I joked. Anyone between the ages of 15 and 25 ran the risk of ending up as a sve. The sve traders visited smaller packs less often than rger ones, with many young wolves. And every time I was afraid.

  "Ansgar." Juta shook her head.

  A handful of wolves from our pack had also joined the rebels. They had been gone for weeks now; perhaps they were long dead. When we got news that rebels were moving through our mountains to create an army against the Witch Queen, they set off.

  "Ansgar? Please. Tonight is important for me." Juta frowned again. "Why did you count leaves?"

  I shrugged my shoulders. "No reason."

  ---

  The dinner was a boring farce!

  I tried to fidget as little as possible, but sitting around forever was torture. I hadn't listened to the conversations for a long time. I was hanging on to my own, always confused, thoughts. 50,000 ideas, one after the other. I had already forgotten the food on my pte and smashed part of it with my fork.

  Wilderich, the stupid wolfbutt, stared at me again and again. He bared his teeth whenever only I would notice. I ignored him and his provocation.

  We were both alpha. He stared at me with dark eyes. His body was covered with tattoos. Pack tradition. Almost everyone aged 16 and over had tattoos. With his dark skin, the patterns made him look scary. And even if I didn't take over the pack, he saw me as competition. Me and Juta.

  Odo's parents knew only one topic: weddings. Juta initially tried to steer the topic in a different direction. She said it was too early to pn details. But Odo's parents WANTED to talk about details. And our father was happy to take up the topic, while Mom only sighed.

  Odo's parents talked about their wedding, and Dad happily told us about our parents'. He mixed up details, but Mama left them uncorrected. Sometimes she just snorted, which interrupted me in my thoughts. Then it was back to the current wedding pnning. Odo's parents had already chosen a date, as I now noticed rather casually.

  You could still see the terror they had suffered. They were very pale, their dark skin looked cheesy, and deep sadness was reflected in their bright eyes.

  Many wolves in our area had dark skin. In our pack, there were only a handful of wolves with light skin.

  "July 3rd is perfect!" Odo's mother just repeated.

  "What?" I shouted. "The 3rd of July? That's impossible!"

  "Honey. Please don't be rude," Mom warned.

  Odo's father smiled at me, unimpressed. "Why is it impossible? It was our pack tradition that weddings were always celebrated on July 3rd. It brings good luck to the couple and many small wolves that strengthen the pack. Of course, THAT is always the couple's decision. We don't expect anything from them, except that they are happy." He winked briefly at his son and my sister. "And every year, all marriages were celebrated. If there was a new wedding, the celebration for everyone took pce in the evening. A big celebration in honor of all couples. There is also a story about it, but..." He sighed. "I don't want to talk about this now... So... It would be important to us to maintain this tradition of our former pack. We have lost everything else."

  "At least for my wedding," Odo added. "Jutas and my wedding!" he quickly corrected when Juta gave him a sharp look. "Not for your entire pack. But, it would be important to my parents and..." He shrugged his shoulders.

  "I wanted to talk to you about that ter... That shouldn't be discussed today." Juta looked angrily at Odo's parents for a moment, then she turned to me. "If it is important to Odo, to him and his parents, then I want to do the same. You understand that, don't you? But without your consent..."

  I growled softly. Out of frustration. "July 3 is my birthday, and I already have pns for it."

  "Boy." Papa ughed softly. He looked in my direction. Dad had a rare disease. When I was four years old, his eyesight began to deteriorate. A year ter, he could no longer function as a beta. At the same time, Wilderich joined our pack with his mother. Now, Dad could only see vague light and outlines. "You can postpone your pns for a day, can't you? This is important. And they only marry once, not every year."

  "And after that?" I raised my eyebrows. "Do I ALWAYS have to postpone my birthday after that? Because it's my sister's wedding anniversary? Do I have to share my day every year?"

  "Ansgar, now you're childish!" Mom shook her head. "It's about this 3rd of July!"

  "I'm not childish." I certainly wasn't. "It's the only day..." Unfortunately, I couldn't speak because I was interrupted.

  "Oh! But wedding anniversaries are every year!" Ingeborg added unhelpfully. "This would mean that Juta and Odo would always have their wedding day on his day, which is very special for Odo and his parents. Isn't it? We talked about it yesterday." She looked at Odo's parents, who nodded.

  "And Juta will take over the pack. Her wedding day is certainly more important than her brother's birthday!" Wilderich grinned at me. "You can take a step back. The pack leaders are the most important in the pack!"

  "Certainly, but..." Odo's father grimaced, but his wife interrupted him.

  "Right! And our boy is marrying the next alpha! This should be celebrated and honored all the more! Every year. Please. It's important to us."

  "Mom..." Odo looked nervously from his parents to Juta and then to me. His gaze wandered to my sister. She didn't return his gaze, but looked angrily at the mother-son duo. Wilderich and his wonderful, lousy mother.

  "What is there to think about?" asked Odo's mother indignantly. "I thought we were on the same page?" She looked reproachfully at my sister. "We talked about it yesterday."

  "My little brother's birthday is also important!" grumbled Juta. "That's why I wanted..."

  I've had enough. It would be Juta's wedding. And now I was the center of attention?

  Me? Me and my inability to become the next alpha?

  My opinion was important, but I wasn't allowed to defend my day?

  Of course, I had no right of co-determination at my sister's wedding. It was their wedding. Her and Odo's day, and I was happy for the two of them.

  But...

  I jumped up. "I'm done! I'm going out... Juta? It's YOUR wedding. You don't need me for your pns! The pack will be happy to congratute you and forget about me."

  I fled the house as dignified as possible.

  Juta had always dreamed of a winter wedding in the snow. I found the whole topic rather boring. Only... Why the 3rd of July?

  She stole the one day I was important.

  The entire pack saw Juta as the next alpha and me as the 'failed attempt' of a second choice. The second in line was out of the question. And many treated me that way. Never in front of our parents, and they were never malicious.

  I think the pack was often not even aware that they were doing it.

  But I noticed the small differences and their pitying looks.

  But on my birthday, I was congratuted, some gave me little gifts, and my parents organized a party in the evening. Whoever I wanted to have there was invited. If that would fall away... It felt like I was losing my pce in the pack.

  I could leave this pack. I could start my own. With other wolves who wanted to leave their packs. But I also knew that I wasn't much good as the alpha of a pack. And as an alpha wolf, it was hard to be welcomed by other packs. If I left my pack, I might end up alone.

  Without a pack.

  The sky had long been dark as I crept through the alleys of our small town. The air felt gloomy. The moon seemed particurly rge and bright to me. Clouds moved in front of it and veiled the many beautiful stars.

  I kicked a pebble in front of me.

  Finally, some movement.

  My family's dining room had been too cramped. Oppressive.

  "Ansgar?" someone called out to me.

  I looked in the direction from which the voice came. Two girls looked out of a window. Both were younger than me. 17 and 15. Clementia and her younger sister Begina. In the pack, these two were the ones I could call friends.

  Apart from them, others did not cope so well with my energy and inattention.

  sasi