We'd never exchanged names with the fast food workers I'd met in the OddBotz store, so I'd thought of them as Large and Lean. This guy was Large, a stocky guy with messy brown hair and a scruffy, barely-store-policy beard.

  He'd adapted quick. The work apron was still there, but he'd switched out his uniform for shorts, a Hawaiian shirt with dinosaurs on it, and a pouch belt. The many industrial tools and vials of strange liquid he was carrying clinked when he walked, and his glasses had been broken and taped back together. He looked like a craftsman who'd fled to the Caymans after a gang blew up his workshop.

  "Hey, folks!" he said. "Good to see you survived."

  "Oh, hey!" I gestured for him to take a seat. "Did you get your bot?"

  "Yessir!" He grinned and pulled up a chair. "I gotta show you Dispensaur some time. I'm Dale, by the way. I don't think that came up last time."

  I shook his hand. "Will. This is my party..."

  Dale shook hands and swapped names. "Oh, and my friend was Ralph. But, uh... he won't be coming."

  "Oh..." I bowed my head. "I'm sorry, man."

  "Huh?" Dale's eyes widened. "Oh, no no no! Not dead! He's taking a dump!"

  Chaz nodded. "It's the optimal time for it."

  I changed the subject quickly. "So, how have you been?"

  We traded stories. The food court had handled the initial chaos well, thanks to an abundance of people, cooking utensils, and chairs to swing. The real problem came when Expired began pouring in from the car park.

  When they defeated one wave of Expired, a new one would arrive soon after. Defeated Expired would vanish when nobody was looking and reappear later fully healed, even if they were dragged into the food court and locked in a room. The Expired weren't that hard to beat, but the Death Discounts were adding up. The survivors had barricaded the food court and focused on defense until now.

  The Burger Haven's manager had fallen in the initial chaos, so Dale and Ralph had basically taken the place over. Dale hadn't seen a lot of action after his OddBotz selection, because he'd acquired Dispensaur.

  "She's great!" he said. "I get this whole Alkemy crafting thing which I'm not supposed to get until after the tutorial, apparently. It gives me experience, so I haven't had to fight much."

  "What can you make?" Chaz asked.

  "Right now? I can turn soft drinks into healing potions, mostly," Dale said. "But I'm discovering new recipes as I go. Once I get my hands on shoplin materials, we'll see some serious shit."

  That got my attention. "Crafting materials?"

  Dale nodded. "Yeah. My crafting window tells me I can get it from Lairs in here, but we haven't been able to do shit. But hey, healing drinks ain't half bad."

  The rest of us shared a look.

  "Have I got news for you," I said, and summoned my shoplin crates.

  I'd found two gold ones, and we'd all all received a bronze for each Lair we'd cleared so far. We had to stack them on the floor to make room.

  "Wait, I got this too," Lex said. She summoned the crate we'd all gotten when she blew up that last Lair. It looked like a scorched, dented metal cabinet, covered in warning signs and shoplin graffiti.

  [ A MOG-AGLOG Chemical Crate! Contains a random selection of MOG-AGLOG potions, crafting ingredients, and alkemy recipes. ]

  Dale gaped.

  "Holy guacamole," he breathed. "What can I give you for these?"

  "Just take it," Lex said.

  I backed her up. "She's right, man. You can use this, we can't. This is better for everyone."

  "You need to get your own keys though," Kara added.

  "Other people might have more," Chaz said. "It was a big raid. I'll ask around."

  "Oh, hell yes," Dale said. He offered us fistbumps. "Let's work together, okay? I'll make you some sick potions."

  I smiled and bumped. "Deal."

  Chaz checked the status window. "Do we have time? Less than half an hour to go."

  Dale summoned some keys and moved to a nearby empty table. "That's plenty, but I should start now. You should order a meal while you wait."

  I gathered our empty plates. "And we've got some crates to handle...

  We settled on Heal Herrings, which gave us a health regeneration buff. It healed us by 1 HP every few minutes, though Kara and I saw slower gains thanks to our Death Discounts. Every little bit helped though.

  Chaz gulped a can down and slapped it down on the table. "Kyaaa!"

  Kara frowned. "What was that?"

  "It's the noise people in anime make when they drink," Chaz said. "I thought I'd try it."

  "You sound like a pterodactyl," I said.

  "Noted. You doing your boss crate?" he asked.

  We had a rough ideas what crates we wanted to open. The top-priority ones were the boss crates Lex and I got that last Lair. I had other ideas though.

  "Actually, was thinking about giving it to someone who hasn't opened one yet. They're pretty rare, yeah?"

  "Yeah, you seem to only get one if you fought a boss and did decent damage," Chaz said. "Spreading the love isn't a terrible idea..."

  "It's your call, but I like that," Kara said.

  "Sounds good," Lex said. "I'll do it too."

  There were even some fine candidates nearby. "Hey, Cosmo!"

  Cosmo looked up from his table. "What's up, Will? Getting cyberbullied?"

  I slid the crate across the tiles. "For the juice."

  "Oh, wow. You sure?" Cosmo picked it up. "Thanks!"

  Lex got Val's attention and passed hers over. "Hey."

  "Hell yeah, thanks!"

  "Oh, and you take these," Lex said, producing the keys she'd gotten from the last Lair and passing us one each. "I don't need this many."

  The next crates on the list were the ones the others got from the altar last night: Lex's Space Banshee Bestoff Vol. 3, a black vinyl storage box stamped with a logo of a ghost woman screaming into a mic; Kara's Teknocube A, a sleek black box with a circuit pattern; and Chaz's DarkSpire Occultech Scroll Crate, a wooden crate with an occult circle and a series of warnings stenciled on.

  The crates spat out a music CD, a pair of black arm sleeves, and another spell scroll in a protective sheet.

  [ Galaxxie Pallada has received a Space Banshee Album: Can Haz Cheezburger by PogRock! The first time you listen to this retro-ironic nerdcore album together, you gain +1 EXP. Can be shared with your party. ]

  [ Rare! Kara Ceres has received a pair of Hose Feratu Wristdrinker Sleeves (a .CYBERCULT collab)! Spill the blood of your enemies in style with these health-stealing arm sleeves—when you hit, you heal! ]

  [ Chaz Cruso has received a DarkSpire Occultech Spell Scroll: X-Change! Tear this scroll and choose an item—it will be exchanged with a random item of any brand you possess, including brands of crates. Higher-quality items have a higher chance to degrade in quality. ]

  Lex held the CD in her fingers like she'd been handed a half-eaten sandwich. "...I guess they can't all be bangers."

  "I kinda wanna try it," Chaz said.

  "This one's good enough," Kara said, slipping the sleeves on under her jacket. "It'll be great when Death Discount wears off."

  "And you need all the healing you can get until then," I agreed.

  Chaz waved his scroll. "What do you reckon our worst item is?"

  I thought about it. The hoodie that only worked when we split up was a strong contender, but...

  "Something PvP?"

  Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

  "Open a crate and try it out," Chaz suggested, sliding it over.

  Lex slid me a key, and I tried a Battle-Tested Slapfight Crate. Each Slapfight crate was a metal case that had clearly seen some shit; the Battle-Tested ones were even more damaged than the Battered.

  I unlocked the crate. "Okay, but if I get something good that isn't obviously PvP I'm using the scroll on—"

  [ Rare! You've received a SigmaBrain Germ-inversion Gas Grenade! Throw the 3G and every vaccinated human within ten metres of the blast will become violently ill. Your grandkids will be sorry they went no-contact!

  SigmaBrain: Tomorrow's Truths Today! ]

  I tore the scroll. "Never mind."

  I had to select the item from a list of my items first. When I did, the 3G glowed and changed shape.

  When the light vanished, a red emergency box with a fire axe inside sat on the table instead. It was designed to be wall-mounted, but it had a suitcase-like handle too.

  [ Rare! A DarkSpire Occultech Series Lambda Emergency Box! In case of emergency, break glass—the axe inside will gain a buff designed to help you with your current situation. This buff is permanent and cannot be changed. The axe also deals extra damage to doors. ]

  "Well, it's better, but..." I picked it up awkwardly. "It's a little heavy."

  "Maybe we're supposed to hang it up in Gateway," Kara suggested.

  I had a horrible premonition of a customer smashing the glass for a free weapon the instant our backs were turned. "Maybe not in a public space?"

  Lex held out Snakpak. "Chuck it in here for now."

  Snakpak's mouth just barely opened wide enough. I pushed the box in, and we moved on to the next round: the Low Priest's Select Crates.

  These ones looked like shoplin crates, but with a load of chaotic additions: panels of swirling liquid, glowing occult sigils, LED strips, tire marks for some reason. When I bought a key and unlocked it, the shoplin-head icons on the sides glowed and cackled before it burst open.

  We all got the same thing: a pin of a shoplin head inside a No sign, a shopping maul covered in shoplin graffiti, and a random shoplin-themed crate.

  [ A Shoplin Slayer Pin! A memento of your achievement. Having one of these is worth points at the end of the tutorial. ]

  [ A Shoplin Maul! This weapon will break after defeating a randomly-determined number of shoplins. When it does, you'll unbox a new, completely random weapon. ]

  Kara dumped hers on me. "I really shouldn't risk it when I could use a spear."

  "I need my sword for my build," Chaz said, dumping his on me.

  "I'll save this for later," Lex said, putting hers in Snakpak.

  "You mean for when I run out of mauls?" I asked.

  "Yes," Lex said. "You can give me the extras."

  "I guess with four I probably won't get screwed again," I muttered.

  I checked the new crates instead. I'd received another Chemical Crate, while the others got crates of different shoplin brands and crafting types.

  "You want another one, Dale?"

  "You can hold it for now, I'm out of keys," Dale said. "And that was a hell of a haul already. Take a look at this."

  Dale's table was covered in weirdly damp boxes, potion flasks, and jars of various sizes. The jars were filled with strange liquids, sometimes with things suspended in them.

  "Once I reverse-engineer these potions, I'll have almost all of the shoplin recipes I can get in this tutorial. You guys are amazing."

  I smiled. "Happy to help."

  Lex took a closer look at the jars on the table. "Um, are these all crafting materials?"

  "Shoplin ones, yeah," Dale said. "Let's see, we've got... pickled eyeballs, wolf piss, toe jam potpourri, necrotic essence, carbonated ichor, scrap electronics, engine parts, Ikana bones, bolognium, 'illegal drugs', something called Mucus Two, and licorice. The boring black twisty ones."

  Kara made a face as Lex gagged. "...Okay, you can definitely keep any shoplin crates we get from now on."

  "Don't go wild handing me things," Dale said, as he tried to figure out how to get everything in his backpack without destroying either the materials or the backpack. "I gotta repay the favour. Give me an hour with Dispensaur, and I can whip up some wicked stuff for—"

  Zeddie's jingle interrupted us once again, and his voice said boomed out in the food court. "Good afternoon, shoppers!"

  "Oh, boy," Dale said. "Here we go."

  I rushed outside with a frown, the others trailing behind. There was no good reason for Zeddie to make an announcement when half the mall was missing. He was about to screw us over. I could feel it in my bones.

  We found Zeddie hovering in the middle of the food court, a bag from some fast food joint called BURGER KONG in his hands. "I hope you enjoyed your break, sponsored by Burger Kong! Now it's only fifteen minutes until new enemies appear!" Are you excited?"

  Nobody said anything. Zeddie didn't notice.

  "Now, there is one more thing we need to get into before the others get back. It's time to talk about safe zones."

  "What, like the food court?" I said, mostly to myself.

  Zeddie winked at me. "It could be, valued customer! I present to you... the ZETTAMALL? Safe Zone Beacon!"

  A spinning, glowing cube that looked like something from a video game in the 90s appeared in Zeddie's free hand, and generic infomercial music began to play.

  "Simply place the Beacon in the location of your choice, and it will be designated as a safe zone! You can rest and recuperate in safe zones without fear of attack, for the entire tutorial!"

  "The shutters have worked so far," Cosmo said behind us. He'd unboxed a bright-coloured neon windbreaker, and honestly he was rocking it.

  "So far, yes," Zeddie said cheerfully. "But the shoplins haven't been trying that hard either. When this new wave of invaders arrives, however, they will try harder."

  Zeddie's form started to glitch. We caught glimpses of a tusked green head and banging fists, a man with pointed ears and punk accessories, a growling wolf with cybernetic eyes, and Zeddie baring his teeth. "They will beat shutters, smash glass, tear at barricades. And if they get in... well, I'm sure you can guess."

  Kara smiled. "Oh. We're screwed, aren't we?"

  "Not yet, valued customer!" Zeddie gave Kara a finger-guns gesture. "The Safe Zone Beacon is available right now, at all participating item shops! Only two thousand Funbucks!"

  I sighed. "Knew it."

  A lot of hands went up around the food court, but Zeddie wasn't taking questions."Don't worry, customers, the Beacon is user-friendly! I'm sure it can answer all your questions. Better hurry, though—the new wave begins in fifteen minutes! Until then, remember: ZETTAMALL?: Save To Live!"

  Zeddie vanished. The food court survivors began to murmur.

  Val appeared beside us, sporting a new pair of fingerless tactical gloves.

  "So, how cooked are we this time?"

  "Medium-rare, I hope." I turned around and hopped back into Sussy's, just in case.

  "Hey, do you sell beacons—"

  "I'm afraid I am not a participating item shop," Sussy said. "Foodstuffs only."

  "You know any more item shops?" Dale asked.

  "This way!" I ran for Dandy's.

  "If anyone else wants to buy a beacon, follow us!" Kara called as she followed.

  "One second!" Chaz stayed behind. "By the way, Sussy, why do you warn people not to dine and dash when we have to pay before we—"

  "By seizing food you did not pay for from another customer."

  "Chaz!" I shouted.

  "Coming!"

  With the speed boosts from Khan and my essence, I could run about as fast as the athletic Lex. The others struggled to keep up.

  Chaz griped between gulps of air as he ran. "Why couldn't he have... said this earlier?"

  "It was on purpose," I said. "He's messing with us."

  This wasn't Zeddie's first rodeo. He knew that everyone here would either give money to friends to buy OddBotz or use the downtime to buy keys and gear. He'd given us enough time to spend everything, then left us with just enough time to panic.

  Save to Live. God damn it.

  We pulled into our home plaza. Up here I could see that Bullseye was already closing its shutters, and a new window floated in front of the entrance:

  [ SAFE ZONE ]

  There was another one in front of Huge W when we ran downstairs. I slowed in front of the Prop Table and let the others catch up. Dandy had already reopened, thankfully.

  "Okay, how much have we got?" I asked.

  The rest of my party touched me and transferred everything they had left. We had $515 between us.

  Cosmo clapped his hand on my shoulder. "We scraped together some funds. Take it."

  [ Cosmo Corrigan has transferred $1000 to Will Tombaugh. ]

  "Are you sure?" I asked.

  "Of course!" he said. "It's your Gateway."

  "I mean, I'm not in charge of it or anyth—"

  "We don't have time for this bit," Kara snapped.

  "Alright, alright! That's still only fifteen hundred."

  Val and Joe shared a nod, and then Val touched my other shoulder to transfer the remaining five hundred. "That's for Baz's jacket."

  Two thousand. I thanked everyone quickly and ran inside. People were still making last-minute purchases—and incredibly, still trying to argue with Dandy.

  "Ma'am, this coupon isn't valid here. This is from another store, and it's for an indoor plant."

  "You're an indoor plant, aren't you? Ring me up!"

  Dandy had set up a "BEACONS HERE" sign at the other end of the counter, above one of his smaller secondary heads. The food court survivors bought theirs while we were pooling our funds, and ran out past me as I hopped to the counter.

  "One beacon, please," I said.

  The vines dropped a box on the table. It looked like an old video game asset in real life, too.

  "Here you go, bud," Dandy said, as he shooed another customer. "Just set it down and think about activating it. It gets bigger when you do, so don't go fiddling with it until you're where you wanna be. Get it?"

  "Got it, thanks!"

  Dandy grinned as I paid and ran. "Ten minutes, pal. Get moving!"

  I ran past the others on the way out, hopped over the balustrade, and swung downstairs with Khan. I didn't know how long it took to set the beacon up, so the sooner the better.

  I landed awkwardly and ran for Gateway. Luckily, the shutters were still open. I slid right up to the customer service desk, activated the beacon—

  [ ERROR: Too close to another beacon. You may not place another beacon on this level of this plaza. ]

  "...What?"

  I tried a couple more times like a fool and got the same error. Zeddie hadn't said anything about this.

  I ran outside and looked around. It took me a moment to find it, because the escalators were blocking my view.

  Another safe zone sign hung over the tobacconist's across the plaza. The store was shuttered, but it was only side-folding glass. Once I got closer, I instantly knew who was behind this.

  "Are you fucking kidding me?"

  Inside, Magic grinned.

  "What's up, fucko?"

  Heads up: The update schedule for this work is now changing to twice a week, due to various sufferings in my personal life (Kantaro: The Sweet Tooth Salaryman (2017) is leaving Netflix and I must finally confront the fact that we're not getting a season 2.) I will be uploading on Wednesday and Saturday just after noon AEST, so Tuesday/Friday evenings for the Americans out there.

  Patreon!)