The mallbatz were already returning, flapping over the outer walls and congregating on the cinema roof. The survivors had stored their dead in that building before they went Expired, so we decided to leave them be for now.

  The item shop sat at the far end of the east rooftop. This area was just a taxi stand; a little street ringing the plaza's rooftop enclosure and a long row of covered benches down the cinema's wall. Slain Expired were strewn across the ground, sometimes in pieces. One was slumped beneath a fresh crack in the wall. It looked like a monster had been through here.

  Raven the monster strode ahead of us, calm and collected, dagger in hand in case the mallbatz tried anything.

  "So, I'm probably gonna stay up here and grind bats," she said. "I'd just get in the way downstairs."

  "That makes sense," I agreed. Mall Monarch was a huge help, but actually using her meant denying other people experience. It was almost as if the Zettamall designed the bots to fuck with us.

  "Are you sure?" Kara asked, clearly still enamoured. "You could just hang out and get experience..."

  Raven strode past an abandoned taxi. "I think it's the best play. The bats won't stop coming, so I can farm them until—"

  A mallbat nesting inside the taxi shoved its head out of a window and screamed. "SKREE!"

  Raven shrieked like a banshee and leapt away, almost tripping into a bench. "AHHH!"

  That startled us almost as much as the bat. Everyone froze for a moment.

  Raven looked between us and the bat before throwing a dagger at the its head, killing it instantly. The blade warped back into her hand as she straightened up and decided to act like that hadn't happened.

  "I don't like surprises. Anyway..."

  I decided to change the subject. "How about joining us for Lair raids, at least? You can just fire a bow and get some extra experience."

  Raven nodded gratefully. "Sounds good."

  At the end of the taxi stand, a set of stairs leading down to the ground had been cut off by the outer wall. The item shop had replaced a pair of businesses to its left. There were scorch marks on the concrete outside, which seemed to emanate from a neon sign shaped like a shoplin with a sword and shield over the door.

  [ Proper Shoplin — Weapon Shop

  Shopkeeper: Gronk (Level 60 Neonmancer)

  The first resort in problem-solving. ]

  We went in.

  The place looked like a sports store, with smooth wooden floors, modular pegboard shelving, and a sort of corporate-grunge aesthetic. There were a few pieces of actual sports equipment, but mostly it was covered in weapons: blades, bats, bows, and more filled the weapon racks, surrounded by ammo boxes, sporty caps, and other accessories. The counter had a single-eyed mallbat head mounted on the wall above it.

  A bored-looking shoplin was smoking a cigarette behind it. He had a stubble beard, a sort of Hawaiian shirt with wolf heads on it, and a flat cap. I knew nothing about shoplin biology, but I was certain he was balding under there.

  "Ah, Your Maj! You alright?" he said, not only in English but in an extremely British accent. The cigarette was put out and tucked behind his ear. "And hello to you too, new customers."

  "Hey," I said, after a pause. Raven had told us he spoke our language, but she hadn't warned us about the accent.

  Kara was less tactful about it than I would have been. "Wait, shoplins could talk this whole time?"

  Gronk the shoplin waggled a hand. "They can talk to each other. But you can understand me because I installed a human language pack. The others out there aren't particularly interested in communicating."

  "Is that why you sound British?" Chaz asked.

  "I got the British accent DLC, mate," Gronk said. "It gives me a certain aura, don't you think? A touch of authority. Elegance. Class. Very helpful when my kin have been knocking off my customers, I'll tell you that for free."

  I looked up from the bow I was inspecting. "Doesn't telling us that defeat the purpose?"

  "Does it?" Gronk smiled and raised a finger. "Or does telling you that in a British accent make me seem intellectual and trustworthy?"

  I thought about it. "...Shit, it does a little."

  "Exactly," Gronk said. "But enough gabbing about me. After anything in particular?"

  "Just browsing for now," I said, passing off the question to the others while I thought of questions to ask.

  "I need a replacement weapon," Kara said. "We're fighting porcs soon."

  Lex lifted her crossbow. "I'd like some bolts for this."

  "Right," Gronk said, tapping his fingers on the counter as he thought. "Well, for porcs specifically, I'd recommend my Nemesis weapons and ammo on the red wall over there. For more general use, it depends on your budget. My premium selection's over by the black wall, but it'll cost you a pretty penny. Four hundred quid, minimum. If it's a cheap option you're after, you can't go wrong with a basic weapon that boosts Accuracy."

  I started with the Nemesis wall. The sporty bows and blades were almost identical, besides their colours and a little icon on the side. I picked up a bow with a shoplin icon.

  [ A WARCRIMES Shoplin Nemesis Bow! The first blow you land on each Shoplin deals bonus damage. (Cost: 200 Funbucks) ]

  I looked over at Gronk. "You sell anti-shoplin stuff?"

  Gronk gave us a thumbs-up. "Don't worry, mate, it's all above board. It can be a complex issue, philosophically and sociologically speaking, but how do I put this... fuck 'em. If they didn't want to be riddled with bolts they should've picked another job, I say."

  I examined some bolts and tried to press for more information in a casual way. "Do they have other jobs? I thought they were all like that now. We watched a Beast Bazaar about it."

  "Well, I'm not standing here for a laugh," Gronk replied. "We get options. I chose to do it like the old guard, like you're doing it. A player, with the loot crates and the gear. You don't get that as a mob, just the easy revive."

  The word revive slid into my brain like a final puzzle piece clicking into place.

  "They can revive?"

  "Oh, yeah," Gronk said. "I know they mention it in the tapes. Recovery perks? It's not free forever, so you can rack up a big debt if you're a twit. I'd rather be my own boss."

  That's why these little bastards were ready to lay down their lives. They had more in the back. It was all just a game to them. The tapes hadn't said anything about the other creatures, but it was probably safe to assume that they had revives or some other bullshit trick up their sleeve.

  If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  "Goddamn it," I muttered.

  "Then you started running a shop?" Lex asked.

  "Right. I'm retired from mall crawling for now," Gronk said. He segued into a pitch, gesturing with both hands. "The important thing is, you don't need to feel bad, right? If you want to smack a shoplin into next week, we've got weapons for that! Hell, I've got a few that'll really hurt if you want to put some welly into it."

  I nodded. "By the way, do you barter at all?"

  Gronk shrugged. "I sometimes do discounts, but there's not a lot I'm looking for at the moment. Unless you're hiding smokes in your pockets, I think you're out of luck, mate."

  My party and I shared a look.

  "So," I began. "Hypothetically..."

  "Right, you're all set," Gronk said, grinning like a shoplin. "Pleasure doing business with you."

  He was now surrounded by cartons of cigarettes, rolling papers, tobacco, smoking pipes, and weirder crap. Lex had unloaded half the tobacconist's on him.

  "Thanks, man," I said, as we gathered up our things. "See you later."

  Gronk waved happily as he reached for a fresh smoke. "Of course, mate! Mind how you go!"

  I checked my new weapon on the way out. Gronk had sold us some premium weapons for three hundred and a lot of cigarettes each, and Khan had some very interesting ideas for how to use mine.

  [ Rare! A Doom Kitchen Stabchop! Activate this dagger to enter a Shopping Rush, doubling your attack speed for five minutes. Cooldown period: 1 hour.

  Doom Kitchen: Get Served! ]

  "Still can't believe you talked me into this," Kara said, fiddling with her new premium bow. Her handmade spear was in Snakpak.

  [ Rare! A Slurp Nurse Chemical Compound! Press a potion against this bow to turn it into an alkemical arrow that retains its effect—thrown potions will unleash their effects on impact, drinking potions apply their effect to any target you hit, and so on.

  Healing arrows may have reduced effects if they must also heal damage inflicted by shooting people with them. Slurp Nurse takes no responsibility for injuries inflicted by shooting your allies or yourself with this bow. ]

  "Your Death Discount is huge," I said. "Ranged is better. I'll buy you a spear when it expires?"

  "Okay, okay," Kara relented. "At least Darksynth still works. What'd you two get?"

  "I got these," Lex said, a bunch of bolt cases in her arms. "Most of 'em are just for accuracy, but I got some Nemesis ones. Oh, these too. I have an idea."

  [ Rare! A dozen WARCRIMES Dropship Bolts! This bolt will teleport you to any surface it strikes within five seconds of being fired, one time only. If you hit a target instead, you swap places. Has a chance to fail when used on Boss-tier opponents. ]

  I nodded approvingly. Lex was getting more proactive, which could only be good for us. Even if it was possibly to impress Raven.

  "I got nothing," Chaz said. "I want to save for keys. And using up all the cigarettes might get us in trouble."

  "Oh, I can open a few crates if you like," Raven said. "I have a few keys and a boosted Luck stat."

  "Are you sure?" I asked. "I mean, I won't say no..."

  "Yeah, I've been trying to avoid using the crates anyway," Raven said. "I hate gambling."

  "Does Luck help?" Chaz asked.

  "I have no idea, but it can't make it worse."

  Chaz nudged me. "Give her yours, bro. I'm saving for later."

  We took a seat at the taxi stand, where I chose my boss crate and veggie crate. "Are these okay?"

  "Cool. Gimme."

  [ Halley Bopp has unboxed a Fragger's Co-Operative Proximity Artichoke! This is a throwable sticky bomb which explodes into a cloud of poison gas when an enemy steps within 2m. Activate by squeezing hard, then press to the surface you want to stick it to. Do not attempt to bite, chew, or digest this vegetable in any way. ]

  Raven passed it to me carefully and tried the boss crate. "Okay, we've got Warcrimes, FleshMart, and ExoCute. Which do you want?"

  "Do we know what ExoCute does?" I asked Chaz.

  "Weapons, tactical gear, gamer furniture," Chaz said. "Someone opened an ExoCute crate and got a pram with light strips."

  "Warcrimes it is," I told Raven.

  [ EPIC! Halley Bopp has unboxed a WARCRIMES Glamthing Pouch! Contains one Glamthing for every species that can be found in your current mall. ]

  Raven tossed me the pouch. "Here you go."

  I caught it and unzipped it. Shoplin and Expired again, Worgs, Porcs, Mallbatz... it also had Lanari and Radz, which I hadn't seen yet. Lanari had a flower icon, Radz a humanoid head with pointed ears.

  "Nice. Thanks, Hal—uh, Raven."

  Raven's eyes widened and her cool facade cracked. "Oh, the message! Uh. Yeah. I've been... Raven's a codename. Like a work persona?"

  "Oh, I get that," I said, a little awkwardly. "We used to have this coworker, Mephisto? Told everyone his name was George."

  "And Raven's a pretty cool name," Kara said.

  "Y-yeah. I guess you can call me Halley if you want..." Raven blushed, but quickly put her work face back on. "Need anything else?"

  I rolled up my sleeve and started wrapping my Glamthings on Khan. It was weird that we had one for Dandy, but I added it anyway. You never know.

  "I'm good. Let's get our store back."

  [ STATUS

  TIME: Day 2, 3:45 PM

  CUSTOMERS: 566/1167

  ODDBOTZ: 460/566 ]

  We got Raven into Zettachat, left her to handle the roof, and headed downstairs.

  This was it. If we could overcome the porcs, we'd control the majority of the mall. It wouldn't be long before we had the whole place locked down.

  The upper food court was already bustling when we arrived. The rooftop survivors were coming down to eat something that wasn't arcade hot dogs, and the mall survivors were going up to buy from Gronk. Zettachat was popping off as everyone prepped for the porc fight.

  "So, what else do we need to do?"

  "See how much experience everyone needs," Chaz said. "Everyone's got four hours to level up. Probably less, by the time we handle the porcs."

  "And we gotta watch out for all the jerks in this mall," Lex said. "Tie them up, at least."

  "Want to start with Dale?" I asked. "To get those potions he promised, not tie him up."

  That sounded good to the others, so off we went.

  Burger Haven was next to Sussy's. The large Dale was behind the counter, handing out potions in upcycled soft drink bottles alongside his buddy Ralph. In the OddBotz store, Ralph was a lean guy with long blonde hair who looked like he'd be fun at parties; he had somehow managed to retain the party vibe despite strapping a sword to his back, shaving his head, and war-painting his face. He was busy with a customer, but he beamed and waved at us.

  "Hey, dudes!"

  "Dudettes too," Dale said, extending a hand for a bro handshake. "Here for potions?"

  I obliged. "Hey, man. You got any spare?"

  "Yessir! I've been saving them just for you." Dale waved us into the Burger Haven. "Come in, come in. Dispensaur, can I grab the Tomboy Special?"

  "It's Tombaugh," I said, and followed him into the kitchen.

  His OddBot stood in the back. Squeezed might have been a better word—the cybernetic sauropod was too large to leave without damaging something. A shutter on Dispensaur's side rolled up, revealing an internal table covered in beakers and other doodads beneath rows of tool drawers; it looked like a tiny lab in there.

  Dispensaur gave us a friendly nod. His long neck was great at those. "How ya doin'?"

  Dale squeezed down Dispensaur's side, set a storage box on the nearest counter, and started moving bottles full of neon fluids to it.

  "First up, I could replicate the explosive potions you told me about. Just give 'em a hard shake and throw. Be careful, okay? I'm out of ingredients for now. I also got some heals, a couple poison bombs... these four milkshakes will make you jacked... and this one's just really sticky glue. Don't open it unless you really need to stick a thing to another thing. I'm gonna throw in a bit of weed, but that's not alkemy. That's just from me."

  I accepted the box carefully. "Woah... that's more than I expected. Thanks, man."

  "Thank you for the wicked recipes," Dale said cheerfully. "Let me know if you find any more weird crafting shit, okay?"

  I helped Lex feed the potions to Snakpak slowly. "Are you coming with us?"

  "Yeah, but I'll be in the back with the potions," Dale said. "Apparently the last potion guy is—"

  An explosion rumbled like thunder in the distance. The shelves vibrated. Lex almost dropped a potion. "Shit!"

  I turned in the direction of the sound. Was that the car park?

  "What the hell was that?"

  "Uh oh," Kara said, eyes on Zettachat. "The porcs were supposed to get stronger when they fight shoplins, right?"

  I opened Zettachat. Some of the others had been scouting...

  MattDog 3:54 PM

  The porcs are clearing a shoplin Lair in the car park.

  Is that good?

  Oh, shit.