Tap-tap-tap.

  Moving with practised ease, her fingers swiftly dance across the keyboard, each stroke hammering down snarky comments and witty comebacks. She’s venting. Not really, but it had originally begun as a vent, at least—some stupid, shallow, one-dimensional story had somehow gained massive traction overnight—and Iris, being the aspiring novelist she was back then, got salty seeing such a lacklustre story being so much more successful than her own. So, she critiqued it. After all, the story ran solely on tropes and cliches, numerable characterless placeholders, the standard harem protagonist, and impenetrable plot armour.

  “I mean, he died after dropping a fork in the toaster! The protagonist died after dropping a fork in the fucking toaster!” Iris smirks, remembering the scene. Still funny. Sure, it had begun as skim-reading and harsh critique, but now she actually enjoys the series. It isn’t perfect, nor does it deserve the hype it gets, but Iris has persisted, and now she swims in dopamine every time she releases a new chapter review.

  She leans backwards on her gaming chair and stares at the fan hanging above her, pausing to take a light sip of decaf. Hunching forwards, Iris continues working on her post. “…with sub-arc 151 complete, we have officially caught them all!” she types, pausing to take a moment to think. “Should I comment on how Javis should’ve used the mana stone earlier but didn’t because he’s a dumb shit of an MC and was necessary for plot?” she asks herself out loud, before breaking into an ear-to-ear grin as she envisions the outrage she would get from the Javis Glazers. “Definitely.”

  She quickly skims her post, finds it to be perfect (as usual), and hits the POST button.

  Sent.

  [Iris_??]: Chapter 503 just came out! Tbh, it feels kinda rushed compared to earlier chapters (I mean, this is Cherno Chester we’re talking about; the guy’s never consistent with their writing) and lacks the previous sheen. I mean, what was I supposed to feel when Rue shoplifted from the magic store? Sure, she’s interpreted as the goody-two-shoes, but did we really need THREE entire goddamn pages for her to monologue afterwards? Did remind me of that one Simpsons episode when Lisa started drinking and smoking tho, lmfao. Though, these idiotic tendencies are what makes Null Spell good. Anyways, with sub-arc 151 complete…

  Iris’ eyes trail away from the screen, and she sits back, letting the usual scenario take place: a symphony of dings and pings; enraged basement-dwellers living on government welfare money, a chorus of praise from the fangroup—yes, she had a fangroup—and, of course, there were the Rue x Javis shippers defending their ‘best girl’ after Iris compared her to Lisa Simpson. There are always shippers. Rose x Javis, Zinnia x Javis, Violet x Javis, Jasmine x Javis you name it. Iris has seen them all; even the Old Man x Javis cult that lasted three days.

  “And I still swear to god the old man was a pedophile…” Iris mutters to no one in particular.

  [Rue_is_bestgirl1234] Re: @[Iris_??]: Excuse me, bitch? I’m sorry, but did you just diss RUE? Do you even know what she went through as a child?????

  [Iris_??] Re: @[Rue_is_bestgirl1234]: Yeah, yeah. Her father was eaten by a monster in front of her, her mother’s mangled corpse was force-fed to her by a bunch of sick lunatics, and she was enslaved for three years, blah blah blah. The average overcomplicated backstory that sounds way too fabricated, totally unrealistic and far-fetched, just for the sake of ‘reader sympathy’?

  [Rue_is_bestgirl1234] Re: [Iris_??]: IT’S NOT A JOKE! STOP MAKING FUN OF DEAR RUE, YOU SCUMBAG OF A BRUTE!

  [Iris_??] Re: @[Rue_is_bestgirl1234]: ??

  “Aaaandd… I got blocked, once again.” Iris can’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of the interaction. Honestly, some people just aren’t real. The internet is full of degenerates.

  Having had enough internet for the day, Iris gets up, takes a nice loooong stretch, and goes to the kitchen to cook some dinner.

  Then, her heart explodes.

  ~~~

  Pain… So much pain.

  “Hmph! How do you like that, Iris?” pouts someone with an irritatingly high-pitched voice

  Iris shoots up, clutching her chest with all the strength she can muster. Cold beads of sweat roll down her brow, and a glacial shiver crawls up her spine. She tries gasping for air, only to fall into a deeper panic as she realises there is no air to gasp for.

  The pain mitigates as soon as it comes, and the internet troll notices a tiny frame standing before her; Iris stands in a dazed silence, her brain screaming at her to logically process what’s happening. Failing that, she settles on her usual coping mechanism: making sense of the situation. And one urgent question tugs at Iris’ mind. “Who are you, and where am I…?” she asks, caution dripping into her tone.

  The figure, a… child?

  No, the… girl, for lack of a better term, replies with an ease that seems suspiciously practiced. “Lo, ho, be wooed and behold! I am the Goddess of Null Spell, and you, dear little Iris, are currently in the spiritual plane after I exploded your heart!”

  Iris immediately takes a double-take. Yes, there was the fact that this little child casually killed her like it was… child’s play, but,

  “Null Spell, as in, the webnovel?”

  “Exacto! And I killed you as punishment for hurting poor baby Rue’s feelings! Earph is just as real as Earth, you know?” responds the so-called Goddess with another pout.

  It was so freaking adorable! Iris wanted to jump up and hug the cute little fucker, but the rational part of her mind told her it would be a stupid thing to do. There’s also the other fact she found disturbing.

  If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  If the girl really is a Goddess, then “isn’t it kind of unfair that the Goddess of a world has a shipping preference? Besides, what type of deity sets up an online account? And… Loli!” fumbled Iris, struggling to form the correct words. And she thought Null Spell couldn’t get any more cliché!

  “Excuse me, what?” asked the Goddess with another adorable expression.

  “Of course you’re a damn loli!” the internet troll pointed a finger accusatively before continuing, “Another absentminded, overused trope! Why are Goddesses always lolis?! What next? Are you going to reincarnate me now that you’ve gone and killed me? Very original!”

  Iris wasn’t actually mad, but it was cute how the Goddess seemed so taken aback. I bet Javis wasn’t like this, she thought to herself, struggling to contain a chuckle as the drama-queen of a Goddess fell back a bit with every insult she hurled.

  Eventually, the loli regained her composure, straightened her hat, and commented in a mechanical voice, trying to scare the little human. “You’re handling this surprisingly well. Anticlimactically well, even…”

  “…”

  Iris didn’t respond.

  “I killed you on a whim! You should be mad! Enraged! Terrified of my power! Tremble!” she whined, noticing the monotone voice didn’t do much.

  “…”

  Iris didn’t respond. Sure, she was scared in the beginning, but now that her mind calmed down, she realised the Goddess couldn’t actually do much to her. Isekai laws and stuff. According to Null Spell, at least.

  Tugging on the hems of her dress, the Goddess sighed and resigned to the silence. “What’s with the total lack of response? Ugh, you really tick me off…”

  It wasn’t very effective…

  “You know what, forget it! I’m not even in the mood to give you any reincarnation cheat skills!”

  It was super effective!

  Iris jolted, her ears perking up. “Now that’s what I’m talking about, magic girl! So, how many overpowered cheat skills are there?” A Copy Paste skill? Immorality? Iris shivered at the possible options opening up to her.

  “Exacto! Finally, we’re on the same page! Anything you want! All of the skills, and even more!” chimed the Goddess with enthusiasm.

  So much enthusiasm, in fact, that Iris couldn’t help but get narrow-eyed and suspicious. Testing the waters not-so-subtly, she cautiously questioned the loli. “Right. Well, Goddess, I have one other question…”

  “Yeah, what is it?”

  “Did you also reincarnate Javis like this…?”

  “Mhmm.”

  “In the exact way you’re doing with me right now, am I right?”

  “Exacto!”

  “So… what’s with his total lack of memory about his past world?”

  “…”

  The Goddess remained silent. Much to her displeasure, the Iris girl was smart. Testing the waters. Figuring things out; unlike Javis.

  Eventually, Iris sighed, annoyed by the lack of response, and decided to take a different approach. The silence itself was already an answer, but Iris wanted to be certain. “Alright, Goddess. Let me rephrase my question: will I lose my memory if I choose a bunch of isekai skills?” She vaguely remembered the prologue, and back then too, the Goddess had ‘magnanimously’ given Javis tons of magical affinities, even ones that were supposed to be locked behind certain bloodlines and races. She had thought it was generosity at the time, but now she couldn’t help but get suspicious.

  The Goddess gave an uncharacteristically gruff scoff, before reluctantly nodding. “Bah! You’re no fun… Think of the trade-off! You could be playing god with the magical powers I can gift to you!”

  Iris considered for a moment. Just a moment, before she firmly stuck with her resolve. “Javis, as strong as he gets, certainly doesn’t become godly or omnipotent. Even he can only do so much against the Mage Tower.”

  “So you’re saying retaining your memory is the better option? Even if I reincarnate you with no affinities at all and poor mana circuits?” quipped the Goddess in a teasing but oh-so-serious tone.

  “Yes. Meta knowledge is much more helpful,” nodded Iris.

  “Hmmm… Alright then, Iris! I like your attitude, so I’ll give you one small favour.”

  “No.” The internet troll stuck her head up and stared at the Goddess; once childishly floating around, now stopping in her tracks and blankly staring.

  “N-no…?”

  “Yes. I don’t want any favours. As per the isekai laws and regulations, the reincarnator must let the reincarnatee choose their power, no? So no ‘favours’ and giving me a shitty ability.”

  Iris smirked knowingly. The Goddess might’ve been sneaky, but she had good memory and managed to piece together strands of information based on the vague prologue.

  “Nggghhh…!” The Goddess threw her hands up in the air, cursing, struggling to find the right words. “Argg! Dammit, how do you know so much!”

  “I read the prologue. Duh! Now, about my reincarnatee gift…”

  ~~~

  Iris was glad she was named Iris. She wasn’t a Violet type of person, nor a Rose, and certainly not a Daisy. Ambrosia, maybe, but it sounded a tad too majestic. Same was for Junos.

  ‘Iris’ suited her well. After all, iris flowers were known for their adaptability.

  The sunlight brushed against her eyelids, pulling her gently from sleep. Her brow furrowed slightly, and her fingers twitched as she shifted under the blanket. Slowly, her chest rose with a deep breath, and her lips parted in a quiet sigh before her eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the light streaming into the room.

  The reincarnatee awoke for the third time today. But unlike the other two, this was a peaceful, tranquil waking. No beeping alarm clock nagging her to get up and attend lectures, and certainly no sharp pain erupting out of her chest. However, despite the relaxed awakening and the warm lull of the sun, Iris shot up as soon as her mind caught up to her body. Her eyes darted to her hands, which she flexed on instinct.

  They were definitely her hands, but at the same time, they… weren’t. They were a tone paler. Too smooth. Too… perfect. “The fuck…?”

  No, she thought to herself. That can wait, I first need to make sure the Goddess kept her word and gave me what I wanted.

  It didn’t take her long to find the book, situated atop the bed-side table. She feverishly grabbed it and inspected it, and… as much as Iris would’ve wanted to describe the book in all its glory, she didn’t. Not because she wouldn’t, but because she couldn’t.

  It wasn’t worn nor was it ugly, per se, but the book sat, unimposing and unremarkable. Its importance certainly wasn’t signified.

  It was… “Plain. For all it’s worth, this book is way too plain.”

  [The only plain thing here is your personality.]

  Iris jolted at the sudden, foreign voice in her head. It wasn’t subtle—it was snarky, sharp, and vaguely condescending. “Oh, great,” she muttered under her breath, clutching the offensively plain book tighter. “I’ve finally lost it.”

  [Lost it? So, you decide to deny my existence but accept casually dying and meeting the Goddess?]

  Iris glanced around the room, hoping desperately that someone—anyone—could hear this verbal assault. But no, she was alone. With some freaky, ethereal voice in her head.

  “Who are you? And why are you in my head?!” Iris hissed quietly, now holding the jet-black book at arms length.

  [I’m a ‘presence,’ as they say. A guide, if you prefer flattering terms. If you’re feeling less generous, you could call me an opinionated pest. Oh, and I’m your problem now.]

  Iris opened her mouth to protest, then closed it. What even was the etiquette for arguing with head-voices? Did she need to say ‘thank you?’ Apologize? Offer it a cup of tea, maybe? She had asked for a book with meta-knowledge, not some… opinionated pest!

  “Well…” she started, trying to find the right words, “can you still, you know… perform your function?”

  [You asked for a paperback summary of Null Spell, no? I’m a book, for gods sake.]

  Iris cursed. She had asked for a book summarising Null Spell, with the chapters updating daily so she would essentially be able to see into the future. But the Goddess had found a way to screw her over…