The fire crackled as a spark of flame jumped from a limb of dry wood as it collapsed and landed on a stray weed causing a thin independent line of dark smoke to rise into the air. That thinner smoke was similar to the steam of a lighter color that was rising from the mugs in our hands. It was a light stimulate drink commonly used in the military but not known much outside of it that went by the name cafeis that was pronounced with a sort of zzz sound at the end. Surprisingly it had its roots in Unduroc, and it was in fact from their bitter enemies, the dream wardens, that they took the discovery.

  Normally it wouldn’t do for two scrubbers to take any drink, food, or drug of any sort that might disrupt the nature of our sleep, but after two weeks of tireless shifts in the ether ways, Bennie and I would both be partaking in the luxury of normal sleep. In those two weeks, only light skirmishes had taken place once the one major battle had ended. The wardens had tried to take advantage of the chaos and failed, so it appeared they were falling back into old habits as more soldiers were being dispatched to the frontlines immediately following the cleaning.

  Our work was for the most part complete, and in a few days new scrubbers would be assigned to the camp as we took our leave back to Duskhovel. It would be tomorrow afternoon when the others, who should at this time be in separate but relatively nearby camps, would arrive to take the trip back with us again. From Duskhovel they would first travel to Vealt and then to their respectively assigned cities ending our short partnership. As we sipped the dark bitter drink that was made only slightly sweeter by a mix of various spices, it was one of those very companions me and Bennie were discussing.

  “I suppose that for a moment we couldn’t ask you to be as a tree without eyes or ears to understand us and our conversation? It is going to be…rather personal, but we realize how unreasonable and dangerous it would be to ask you to leave us alone.”

  Bennie spoke to lieutenant Davis Togl, who had remained our constant sentinel and fast friend throughout our stay. A fast friend maybe, but not fast enough that we would normally feel comfortable opening up to the degree this talk would entail. He was the only member of the military we could see around us, but he was not the only one present. We were not as far removed from the camp as we appeared and over a hill crest only high enough to hide our sight was a legion ready to spill forth should anything untoward approach us. It had felt odd to me to be treated as such a V.I.P. Even if our normal status actually does pertain it, it isn’t usually apparent.

  Togl nodded his head and rested his hands on the pommel of his halberd as he pointedly gazed of elsewhere likely just as well to focus on his vigil over our conversation. Bennie took a quick sip of his cafeis and winced from a burn of the tongue before taking a deep sigh and continuing. He was once again more out of sorts than I would usual see him, but this time it was for a different reason. Bennie was always there with good cheer, willing to lend a hand or a word of advice, but it would only be on rare occasions our words would touch on truly deep matters. At those times his normally lighthearted nature, while not absent, would be slightly subdued. He was after all, also a scrubber. As scarred by the filth of humanity as the rest of us were even if it was often times easy to forget that.

  He began the conversation with the obvious thesis statement.

  “Just because someone is smiling…doesn’t mean they are happy.”

  I pursed my lips tightly as I set my mug on the stump of a log that had been placed beside me. I gave Bennie a serious look as I braced myself to let out words that would normally only find residence inside my head. He wore his normal black vest that would often cover his light green woolen long sleeve he was fond of enough to have washed and ready for most days out of the week, but right now covered the basic grey uniform of the military. I was dressed similarly with my brown leather jacket, but also wore a dark blue woolen cap I had brought with me. We were in the last week of Duskus, and the temperature was rapidly declining before the coldest month of the year, Drowsyuel.

  “But it certainly doesn’t mean they aren’t.”

  I spoke defensively. Perhaps more so than I meant to. I had known full well how unreasonable it was by this point. It truly was odd, but that didn’t change the fact that Ms. Plumelied had never done anything that could make us question her character. Quite the opposite in fact. While my first impression only grew stronger as I had watched her in the ether ways, the evidence to the contrary piled all the higher. But it was because that was obvious that it should be clear I already understood that fact. This was…a matter of emotion not logic.

  “And it isn’t just me. Everyone felt something was off with her. Even you.”

  It should be a small thing. If ever a woman had the same air about her, the same light smile, no one would think anything of it. No actually they would think about it quite a bit. They would find it endearing the way it would light her pale face and how her airy steps would give radiance to the elaborate web of raven locks sweeping over her emerald eyes as she bounced with a vibrancy that elucidated life. They would…love her surely. But not us. Not me. Not to see that same light illuminate the filth of the ether ways.

  “But no one else is as fixated on the issue. Since day one I doubt she’s been far from your mind. I know you well enough to tell that much.”

  I bit the inside of my gums from the truth of his words. Thomas noticed, but he was ready to bluntly joke about the matter if Bennie hadn’t stopped him. Rachel noticed, but she’s clearly fond of her regardless. Bennie noticed, and he’s the one who started this conversation. It was singularly me who was, as he said, so fixated on that smile. It was singularly me who couldn’t accept it. Just as it always had seemed to be singularly me who couldn’t truly adapt to living with the filth of the ether ways. The disgust her smile brought me…it wasn’t something that came from her. I knew this, but I didn’t want to admit it.

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  “I was just the first that noticed. That’s all this is.”

  Empty. Empty words. I lost this argument the moment I uttered them. But Bennie doesn’t take the opportunity to strike through and bury me in my falsehoods. Instead, he does something even more cruel. He changes tracks and instead cuts to the heart of the matter. He places before me everything I’m trying to avoid. The filth in the periphery of my minds eye that I don’t dare to look straight on. That’s how we have always dealt with the filth. We put our eyes slightly to the side and our minds elsewhere even as we play at addressing it.

  “She fancies you. She clearly does. But how’s she to know what it is you’ve been thinking of her this whole time. I know it isn’t your intention but…you’ve got her completely fooled Douglass.”

  Sweat breaks out on my brow. It wasn’t at all fair to say to me, not when I wasn’t out to take advantage of anyone. But the lack of fairness was utterly buried by its truth. I felt exposed and entrapped, unable to speak as I was constricted by my own self evaluating eyes. I knew it was coming. I knew that was were this conversation was headed. I knew Bennie had long wished I would open up to people. That I would see past the filth and accept someone into my life. I knew he would see how my paranoia was driving me from a genuine opportunity and even worse, how unfairly it was making me act towards someone innocent. I knew and I had braced myself to hear those words. I had braced myself to really listen.

  But when the time had come I did not open up. Instead I drowned in the filth. In the doubts. In the prejudice. In the lines and the splotches. I drowned as if they covered my body and suffocated me. I drowned in their horror. In their lust and greed. In their pain. I drowned in everything except for their truth. Because no matter how stark, how grim, or how real, what I see in my sleep could never be the truth when it is made of dreams.

  But how could I ever see that when I knew the truth to be so congruent?

  “I understand Douglass. It’s why I never say anything when you push people away. When you disregard their interest with a smile. Maybe it…really isn’t as far off from normal as we might think. But it’s different this time. She’s another scrubber. I feel this time someone’s going to get hurt.”

  I had been drowning, but he had given me a raft, a raft of rational. A foothold of logic to climb my way back to the ordinary and mundane.

  “We’re not dealing in pure blushing maidens Bennie. She seems like a strong enough girl. She’s shown interest but that’s all. She isn’t going to be heart broken if nothing progresses. That’s why I keep people at an arms length to begin with, so that it doesn’t reach that point.”

  I was being dishonest, but there was enough truth to it that I couldn’t be said to be lying. It really wasn’t just that I didn’t want to get close to anyone, it was also that I knew if I did, I would stay distant and damage any relationship that might be due to my uncertainty. But just as Bennie should have known I understood his opening thesis, I should know that he understands as much. I was twisting what he meant by getting hurt to paint my behavior in a more reasonable light, but that was the very thing he wanted me to move forward from. He wanted me to try. And he let me know as such by finally putting me in checkmate.

  “I didn’t say she would be the one getting hurt.”

  I sucked in a breath and searched for words that were not there, but the one to actually reply was another.

  “You know gentlemen if you could let this old tree speak maybe it could give you a bit of perspective. Just imagine its words are the rustling of its leaves.”

  He continued to look elsewhere but paused long enough to make sure we had grown silent in attention.

  "You know back home my wife, ah let's say she’s a wispy willow, much frailer and more beautiful than this towering lumpy oak. Well, I always admired her beauty from a distance. The way the dawns light would shine through her drooping branches and the way the moonlight would shine on her pale bark. But when I had her uprooted and planted besides me, I found on stormy nights under billowing winds, she would well, creak…in ways unbecoming of a wom…tree.”

  His dictation was awkward, and he almost sounded unintentionally sarcastic. It was clear he was not used to such a symbolic recital and was just trying to play to the act. His face grew a bit red, and he decided to drop the premise and continue.

  “What I’m trying to say is, although I can never know what it's like for you scrubbers, needing to look past things we might find disgusting in others to keep seeing the beauty in our partners, well that’s something everyone has to learn to deal with.”

  Bennie was slack jawed for a moment, but then buried his face in his hands and began laughing under his breath.

  “There was no need for the poetry my good man, we all know that everybody farts.”

  Togl blushed a deep crimson and Bennie eventual tapered of to take a hearty swig of his cafeis.

  “And what do you mean by old tree? We’re about the same age.”

  I grinned despite myself.

  “You sound just like Mr. Grillmin right now.”

  Togl smiled sheepishly but didn’t add anything more. Bennie gave a lighthearted sigh and relaxed to such an extent that he almost appeared to be reclined despite sitting on a log.

  “Well that just about derailed all our momentum, so I’ll just leave it at this.”

  He leaned forward with his elbows against his knees and looked me in the eye earnestly.

  “You weren’t wrong about what you said before. I’m not asking you to marry the girl, but maybe, just this once give it a shot. And don’t use the distance as an excuse. We both know that isn’t the real issue. They won’t be leaving for Vealt immediately, we might even be able to argue a rare leave of absence for everyone thanks to our service, and Lullvienna will be starting when we arrive home. Why not ask her out to the festivities?”

  I twiddle my fingers and smile uneasily, but enough to display earnest consideration.

  “Okay…just this once.”

  It was a lie. Oh, I would do it. I would go through the motions, but I would make sure that nothing would come of it. She would leave for Vealt as nothing but an acquaintance that I had spent a short if impactful time together with. I felt a sting of guilt that I had fooled Bennie and that worst of all he appeared to have bought it from his reaction. With this, even if it was only in a small way, I was pushing even him away.

  But on my way back to my tent, I spotted a Dayliwarbler, the cousin of the Nachtenwarb. Unlike its cousin, the Dayliwarbler was not sleek but stocky. It had golden feathers that puffed out at the top of a proud chest and a flat almost impaled head. Its song was more sonorous than its cousin and it created the sound of haunting echoes regardless of its location. While the Nachtenwarb signified a global change in dream symbolism, the Dayliwarbler signified a more personal one.

  It was a rare sight at this time of night, but only rare, not unheard of. I was still a skeptic of dream symbolism, but today it filled me with an odd feeling. Maybe just maybe it didn’t have to be a complete lie.

  When I reached my tent and laid down to rest, I did so under a surreal spell that may have just been optimistic in nature. But that feeling evaporated into nightmares where I stood before a massive abyss that endlessly spread ever wider like an ungainly smile.

  Deep into the night I awoke in a cold sweat.