After father exited my room, I was left all alone.

  A minute passed, then two, with me lying unmoving on my bed, my mind blank of any thought.

  This is boring…

  I slowly and carefully pulled my covers away, wanting to take a look at the wound. Under my shirt was a bandage wrapped all around my torso. The cloth was white except for my right side, where it had turned a light red. I tried putting some pressure with a finger on the wounded area, only to draw my hand away quickly as sharp pain hit me.

  That was stupid.

  After putting everything back where it was, I went back to doing nothing, but then the pain started flaring back, coming in waves that made me hold tears back.

  That bitch! She tricked me… but how?

  I tried to remember all my interactions with Kamala, hoping for a clue that might help us find her, but nothing came to mind. She was like many girls in class, seeking to befriend me due to my social standing. We could be considered classmates—not friends. But her betrayal still hit hard, making me grit my teeth in frustration as I remembered how she had stabbed me, almost ending my life.

  Now that I think of it, I was really lucky. If that healer hadn’t been close, I would’ve died. Actually, if the guards had intervened a second later, I would’ve been buried by now. I should ask about who they were; thanking them is the least I could do.

  I shrank in my bed sheets a little at the thought of death. The Baras believed that anyone who died in battle was a martyr. They gave them honourable farewells, with wealthier families sacrificing tens of cattle and giving them to the poor in their names. And above all, they would enter heaven immediately upon their death, which was what everyone aimed for. But all of this could be considered new to the Baras’ belief system—coming from colonisation and conversion.

  The more affluent families still followed the ways of old, paganism. I, on the other hand, was more influenced by the religion of our colonisers, but I haven’t put much thought into it, to be truthful.

  And now, when death almost claimed my life… a shudder ran through my bones—a cold one, making me realise something most forgot, death was inevitable. Only the foolish believed otherwise.

  And I’ve been foolish, I thought. The memory of my pride almost killing me made me certain of that.

  I could’ve asked for help much earlier, but instead I opted to wait for the last second, not wanting to look weak in front of my tribespeople. Even now, there’s still some relief inside of me that I survived without shouting for aid.

  How sick! It seems I’m still indoctrinated with my culture, even after trying to distance myself from it.

  My distancing myself from the Bara culture had started when I hit puberty. At first, it was a way for me to act in defiance of my upbringing, but it matured as I grew, and I started to realise it had its good and bad sides. Now, at fifteen, I settled on following what I thought was good. But after what happened today, almost killing myself for my misplaced pride… the bad seemed to still have a strong effect on me.

  I should rethink stuff. Abandoning my entire culture can’t be the right choice, but to be less radicalised by it, I need to start putting some boundaries. Especially since I’m going to be the future chieftain… but do I really want that?

  A chieftain had to respect, protect, and follow the Baras’ way of life. All the stuff I was unwilling to do.

  Even if I were to accept my people’s way of life fully, I still wouldn’t like being shackled by the even heavier responsibilities of such a position.

  Since childhood, I always enjoyed adventure. The main reason for my excursions was my desire to see what lay outside the tribe’s walls, having already discovered everything there was to see inside.

  Today, even though I could just leave with there being no physical restraints, I had duties to my father and tribe—duties that bound me. But I still longed for that sense of adventure, where no place could hold me for long, living a life like the clouds above us.

  A sense of joy rose in me, but was swiftly crushed by the heavy weight of responsibility.

  Father has no other male heirs; what would happen to him if I left?

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  But then the reality of what had happened earlier today hit me again, making me realise how I’d almost died without stepping a single foot outside the oasis.

  “Why should I live my life for others?! Why should I give my life to please others?!” I said louder than intended, making my side hurt even more.

  Unease rose within my heart—I had muttered something I wasn’t supposed to say—followed by guilt, my Khandharian upbringing going crazy at my revolt. Pain combined with guilt made me feel the most miserable I’ve ever been.

  I should be more mature. All this is just kids’ foolery, I thought what my father had told me a thousand times, when I did something he thought was un-Khahandarian like.

  I looked around my room, trying to find something to distract myself with. The red brick walls offered no comfort, like the palm wood furniture, and the many weapons strapped to the walls. Only a black-and-white picture, a relatively new creation by the Hanshins, offered some solace. In it, a tall man could be seen, on his lap lay three kids, a boy and two girls. His arm rested on the shoulder of a pregnant woman. She was called an outsider by many and was treated disrespectfully by most.

  From her, I got my open-mindedness, and by her, I was raised to be understanding. Even my sense of adventure came from all her fabulous stories of the outside world. Others called her an outsider, and I called her Mother, or as she liked it, Mom.

  My misery only increased, and without realising it, I shed a tear, then another, and another, until my cheeks became wet with the flowing liquid. In the end, I found my heart desiring something that my brain refused to indulge in, a contradiction that I couldn’t solve.

  ***

  Healer Heler came an hour later, checking on my condition. I wanted to hide that I was feeling pain, but I put my stupid pride away, having learned my lesson.

  The man said that he had no painkillers—apparently, a pill to lessen pain. But he offered me a pill that he called an antibiotic.

  “Why didn’t you give me the pill earlier, elder?” I asked, fearing that my condition might be worsening.

  “These are rare here, so I hoped you wouldn’t develop a fever, and your immune system could fend it off on its own. Unfortunately, given your rising temperature, this seems less likely.”

  I nodded blankly at the man, unable to understand much of what he had said.

  After giving me the pill, Heler used his skill again on me, making the pain go away. The unbearable heat also lessened, letting me fall into a deep slumber.

  ***

  Many family members visited me, but most of those who came were delegates of the different clans. They all offered their condolences and wished me a quick recovery, although I knew some of them hoped that didn’t happen, for different reasons. Even Kamala’s clan came, saying that they wouldn’t rest until they got me her head.

  The rest of the week passed like this, with me taking a daily intake of pills, Heler alleviating my pain through his green glowing hands, and new bandages being applied every day.

  I spent most of the time sleeping. But when I was awake, my sisters kept me company. Father visited once with Amidus, who said that they’d caught a lead and were following it.

  ***

  “I-I think s-spending a few more days resting—hufff—might be better,” Heler said after giving me the usual treatment. Although this time he had used his skill longer and with stronger intensity, the green light shone brighter. At the end, he looked like he had aged years and was a bit ragged, as if he had run laps around the oasis.

  “Thanks, elder, but if I spend a second more strapped to this bed, I might lose my mind,” I said as I took off the bed sheets.

  “As you like, but make sure to keep it slow, and don’t take a shower. Also, try to keep to the shade.”

  “Of course, elder.”

  I smelled terribly, but that didn’t stop me from choosing my best outfit. As I took off my old clothes, I shot a glance at my reflection in the mirror.

  Sigh

  Unfortunately, I had lost lots of muscle. My once-defined abs were no longer, leaving a flat stomach that stuck to my back, although the definition of my ribs became clearer—ha. My arms and thighs also weren’t spared, with them thinning noticeably.

  Heler said I should be back to my original condition in a few weeks—something about muscle memory. But looking at my condition…

  Probably not. But on the bright side, I can finally move!

  I jumped a few times in place, happy that no pain came from my side.

  I styled my long hair and wore my chosen outfit. I then fixed a dagger to my belt; it had a sheath with a similar shade of red to my clothing. Finally, I strapped my sword to a loop on a string that ran over my shoulder.

  Exiting my room, I was greeted by the inner courtyard of our house. Planted with local plants and centred upon a fountain that got its water from the oasis, the courtyard was the lung of the typical upper-class Khahandarian house, letting all the fresh air—cooled by the oasis water—enter the rooms that surrounded it in a square.

  Our home had three of these squares, one was our residence, another the guards' quarters, and the final one had father’s office and some rooms to house our guests.

  The three squares were all connected by long corridors; I took one that led to the biggest courtyard.

  The sun blinded me momentarily before my eyes adjusted. In front of me was a large yard. On one side, men were lined in columns, doing group drills. On the other, guards clashed with each other in duels, filling the place with the clamour of steel. Along the perimeter, a worn track had soldiers running on it.

  All of them wore heavy armour with different degrees of wear. I stepped on the sandy ground and walked towards the guard captain. Khumaini was a warrior—a Bracelet owner. He had his hands together behind his back, as he held himself with great pride, standing like a spear as he watched his men. His greying beard led one to believe he was in his fifties, but one would be wrong, as the man had surpassed seventy. A long scar ran through the side of his face, giving him a fierce aura.

  “Greetings, captain,” I said, saluting the man with a fist to my chest.

  “Ah, Yomon. How are you feeling? I hope you won’t have to miss training for much longer,” Khumaini said, turning to face me with a wide smile that revealed his last molar, a decaying one.

  “Hopefully not. I was looking for Amidus. Is he here?” I asked, my face neutral.

  Khumaini stepped closer to me. He put his arm over my shoulder while leaning in to whisper into my ear. “Didn’t I ask you to stay away from that filthy slave? He’s no good. I’ll teach you instead the way of a swordsman.”

  I pushed the man away with a jab to his side, then met his smiling eyes with my steely ones.

  “I hope you're not suggesting that my father isn’t competent enough to choose my tutor, as I’m pretty sure he picked Amidus personally,” I said, delivering my already prepared line.

  The man’s smile grew wider, which I didn’t think was possible.

  “No, no, you misunderstood me, young brother.” The man shook his palms in front of himself in an exaggerated manner. “What I meant was that someone talented like you deserves better, right?”

  “Look, old man. Do you think I can’t see through your act of friendliness? If it were up to me, I would’ve dismissed you long ago, but for a reason I can’t understand, Father seems to like you. I’m only greeting you so that the guards don’t get awkward around us. So help me keep the act up.”

  The man’s smile disappeared as if it had never existed. He spat next to me before walking away.

  “Foolish kid.”

  I ignored him and went to stand in front of the lined guards.

  “Guards!” I cried out loudly. “Long time no see!”

  “SUU!” All the guards shouted together, hitting the ground and their chests simultaneously.

  The warrior organising the men saluted me too, before dropping the formality and taking me into a bear hug.

  “Brother!” Warrior Somani shouted, and that was the cue for the rest of the guards to drop their formation and join us in the hug.

  “Careful, careful! You might open the wound!” I shouted as I pushed and kicked the happy men away, acting horrified. Although I was delighted inside.

  This is more like it!