It’s 2026, and the world has changed, wonder and whimsy guiding the hearts of dreamers all over the world. Magic is real, the Gods guide to help the humans be their best selves, and real life fairytales can, and do, happen; from everyday cautions the extraordinary dreams bringing the Happily Ever Afters that give the world hope.
I am Hermes, psychopomp extraordinaire, guides to the spirits, and storyteller. A thief of stories, I hold the book to a real life romance that define True Love.
And it starts with Once Upon a Time…
The Hatter and his Hare, two bodies, one soul, united in the madness of loving each other. Up, down, darkness, and light, their love everlasting and ready to fight. Even when they turned away their hearts new the truth, love is not a competition and theirs is perfect, drawing them together from across the world, harmonizing and singing of the love that endured, persists, and heals, the love of the Divine, solidified, alchemized, and real, guiding they together through leaps of faith, growth, and progress.
One from a land farm far way, the other already poised on the stage. Even as children their paths did lead to being on the same side of the same country. Even abroad he felt her, even captive she dreamt, their story penned by Aphrodite herself to show the world it was possible. They were not hapless or blindly lead to darkness and torment, they were guided to embrace their true selves, harness their strength, their sovereignty, their destiny to be a real life example of True Love in the Physical World just being themselves and loving each other. As a fairytale, they never failed, when homage was paid to the Greeks, a new chapter started, their story moving from the children’s dreams to real adult love. It was not punishment for them to learn the story of Orpheus and Eurydice, it was there chance to grow and strengthen as they learned they were not bound by a single story written for other people. No, my friends, those tales are guides to help them understand their extraordinary lives, unbound by convention and public opinion, free to embrace being the Heroes of their own journey. Mistake me not, mortals, you with always get help, and the ancestors are definitely a part of this tale, moving from the fairy world to the meat of reality in the Physical World, shattering the glamor of imagined perfection to recognize humans aren’t perfect but their imperfections are beautiful because it celebrates diversity, beloved by the Divine.
You see, my friends, the Gods do love, you are precious in ways you may never understand, but that is why we work in mysterious ways, to take on the burden of heavier things. The spirits do feel in complex emotions, we feel you and listen, giving you the chance to let the burdens go and celebrate in the light, find fulfillment. We promise, we do not withhold to punish or make life more difficult. We simply ask that you let us handle the heavier things and know that it’s out of love. You are our children, no matter you age, and we do love you.
“Hermes, what do I do when I feel ashamed of who I have been, reflecting on my past self and feeling like a brainwashed idiot?” Senma asked.
“What made you feel like a brainwashed idiot?” he asked.
“The mentality of my mother, mostly. She gaslights herself into believing she’s the center of everything and the most important person in the world. Anything that threatens that perception she sees as evil and wrong. She trained me from a young age to continue her gaslighting to see myself as unimportant and disposable, reinforcing people pleasing and subservient to her fa?ade, making me feel like a brainwashed idiot when I bought in to the fake friendships offered, putting me in a position of constantly feeling taken advantage of and exploited for being nice. It was a fa?ade I needed to find balance for, setting boundaries and recognizing the difference between nice and kind was wisdom and self-preservation, maintaining my boundaries instead of giving away the bank to make others happy so I wouldn’t feel alone," she said, memories of the past welling up and making her eyes tingle.
She had opened her heart to a man that was supposed to be the one, only to feel thrown away like garbage, left questioning herself and realizing how bad the damage was. The rejection was enough to trigger Soul Death, bringing her down to the point of ending. The Ultimate rejection, her perfect person seeing her as not enough and worthless. A moment of bravery destroyed by shiness and nerves became the destruction of the self until there was nothing left but pain. All the work she had done on herself was replaced with trauma so someone else could steal the spotlight in her own life story. All she wanted to do was live, escape the cage her parents had built, and be herself without fear, be accepted as herself without the constant push to fit the profile, the role, the type.
Her desire to be success on her own merit and work became the toxic push of the Hollywood sale, being told she had to look a certain ways, play the manipulation social maneuvering game, and shed compassion for fame. She was never dumb enough to by into the hype, knowing it didn't actually help; all it did was turn a person into an automaton, causing them to lose touch with what made life worth living and what brought them joy when they decided to pursue their passion to build a career.
"It used to be about self-expression, being a part of something more meaningful, working on projects that started conversations and made people think, helping them grow as they learned about themselves and accept who they are as an individual. I tried going back to college and expanding my thinking brought on a negative response because of how ignorant my abuser wanted me to be. My own mother. I raged at not being given a chance, being told I could live and then being slapped in the face with a laugh and asked what made me think I was so special I thought I could change my life and earn a career, recover from the narcissistic abuse and inspire people to do the same, recognize their LIFE has meaning by finding meaning in my own, a reason to get out of bed and put down the pills," Senma said, remembering it again.
"Discovering your Twin Flame knew about you and your connection and chose to rob you of your future, just wanting to feed on your energy and love to fuel their own facade is a really deep cut," Hermes said. "Finding out it was all to boost his performance and pretend whatever lay he was entertaining was the one, knowing he was lying to himself when he tried to love them, said that he did, yet refused to speak to you or talk to you in the Physical World is devastating. Then getting pissed that you weren't playing along, discovering yourself, setting healthier boundaries, and recognizing your self-worth outs them as being just as bad as your abusers. The fact that they keep disrespecting your boundaries and pushing you to love them again without genuinely meaning it when they say they want to be with you is a constant stab to a wound you've been fighting to heal and just move on from their hypocritical bullshit, claiming they believe in love, yet perpetuating a facade, waiting for you to do all the work so they can rob you. The fact that embraced the Hollywood regime didn't help either, they turned the beautiful love Aphrodite orchestrated into a toxic joke, breaking your heart in the process. Especially when they claimed to want the life and love you had, but decided physical looks and the Hollywood regime was more important," Hermes said. "The fact that he was cruel enough to download his sex life into your head with hatred because he knew it was wrong, that you needed him and his help more than the narcisisst that manipulate her way into his bed, but he just kept singing her praises and fucking her, then wanted to be praised for it just shows he, himself, is fucked up. His accusing you, the source of the LOVE that inspired him of being hateful when you felt betrayed by his Player ways shows he's afraid to examine himself. He has been spending his life wanting someone else to tell him who to be and wonders why he attracts manipulative women. He doesn't know himself and hasn't taken the time to truly discover himself deep down, getting stuck on his own trauma. Instead of reinventing himself, he let his newest girlfriend tell him who to be, which was a toxic individual. Then, the disrespect of wanting you to abandon your recovery to like him being toxic is even more hypocrisy when he claimed his embrace of the Hollywood regime, pretending to be a person, was to gain respect. You need a man who will love you like a God, an embodiment of the Divine Masculine. You are worth that. You love with your whole heart, devote yourself to your partner, and feel so deeply Dionysus himself fell in love with you. That's why you're still friends and why he still wants to help. You deserve that. You don't deserve someone who is going to force their way into your head and judge you as you're recovering from your trauma. He was attracted to your energy, your vibe, your spirit, but he never sat down and got to know you as a person, just projected the Mean Girl motif of the stereotypical manipulative female onto you, deciding that's who you were when that was never the truth. You're a lot more mature than that and you don't mince words, when you see the solution to the problem you solve it without the tears and the drama, and his assumption that you were crying to try and manipulate him was flat-out wrong. You were experiencing the pain of decades of neglected trauma that drove you to suicidal depression in 2017. That pain, that trauma was the reason the Underworld intervened to give you a chance to recover, heal, and live the life you'd dreamt about. In 2020, during COVID, you let go of the opulence and glitter of imagined fame, you got back to your roots of home and hearth and focused on finding real love, not commercializing your life; dehumanizing and turning yourself into a brand. He'll see that the Gods offered to help because you have suffered enough and you deserve the best because of how you love. It's not what you look like or how much money you have, it's how just being around you is soothing, helps people feel comfortable in their own skin, feel seen, understood, and accepted for who they are warts and all. You used to love unconditionally until you realized there were those who didn't care about hurting you, an old lesson you learned a long time ago, helped others protect themselves from the exploitation and stand up for themselves, recognize when they deserved better. You took your own lessons to heart and the experience you went through damaged your work on yourself. You started questioning yourself too deep, plying perfectionism to yourself as a human being and were ignored by someone who barely cared, yet wanted you to love them from a distance then denied they were attracted to you in the first place once the damage was done, leaving you traumatized and alone. Your love story ended on a tragic note because he was more focused on the look and branding, instead of real love and fulfillment, having a meaningful life instead of just being visible. He's in love with a facade and he knows it, which means it's a trauma bond. He deludes himself into believing narcissism and mind games is love, when it isn't, a lesson you learned a long time ago. You gave him options and choices, she just bosses him around and punishes him when it's not what she wants. You were supposed to meet up in the Physical World to help each other heal and grow, but he makes excuses that need not apply, trapping you in a toxic spiral. It was a mistake showing him to you. You deserve better than that. Again, you deserve a man who embodies the Divine Masculine and loves YOU, not sits there learning what you need, says thanks for the notes, and runs off to fuck whatever snatch opens their legs, telling you you don't deserve having basic needs met, then accusing you of being an abuser when you're recovering from abuse. He sits there wishing and hoping a narcissist will change, which is a massive waste of time. He did with his last girlfriend, to, and the only reason it ended more quickly was because she was obnoxious. He already had one foot out the door when you became aware that he was real and decided to take chance and reach out, letting him know you were ready even if you were nervous, we saw that you were being brave and were waiting for him to approach you. Then, he decided he hated you without genuinely giving you a chance to be yourself because he was still processing the trauma of the girlfriend he had just broken up with. You said fine and focused on recovery and personal growth, doing your best to establish a successful career. Yeah, it stuck in your raw when the evidence of destiny started stacking up, then you got hit with his desire for his newest narcissist to be the one like he did with the last one, only this time, you knew who he was. So, you got a play by play of him wish and hoping, trying to make it work with someone who wasn't right for him, while you were nursing wounds that had been neglected and needed to be healed to feel whole. You have achieved completion numerous times, feeling more like yourself and happy with who you are, then wake up feel disoriented, discombobulated and out of sorts, in pain because, in the night you were violated, him wanting her to be like you and you feeling inadequate because you have your own body that needs attention and love, leaving you dangerously close to suicidal because, when you wake up, you still need the love, but he abandons your body because he's too lazy to make a change, recognize she's not the one, end it and move forward. He left you suspended in that state, going from the reason you fighting depression to the cause of it at it's worst. Worse is the fact that the toxicity of it started manifesting more pain and suffering. It took sheer force of will and your fight to raise your vibrations and find pleasure to bring you back to a neutral point to redo you ascension to happiness. You got a taste of what it could be like during COVID while you were writing and he was there with you in spirit. That is the fuel you need to manifest a better life, not the toxicity."
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"So, not back to the drawing board but the integration of wisdom and not repeated the same mistakes," Senma said.
"Correct," Hermes said. "The reason we triggered you to embrace being Melinoe was because you needed to conquer your darkness. Yes, it's uncomfortable seeing your abusers behavior and mentality in yourself, even as echoes of trauma. But your compassion had you embracing that you could see their behavior and treatment of others and choosing to do better as not to do harm. People who have their own agenda fueled by greed with never understand that being good means letting people live their lives for themselves. Again, you knew that already after trying to help your mother who invented reasons to gain sympathy, vocalizing self-loathing that is, in truth, invented, to make you placate and soothe them or suffer the consequences of their displeasure when they make it your fault their upset when they were the ones who started the argument by pretending to feel neglected and demanding you drop everything to cater to them, even when you were doing self-care or enjoying a hobby that made you happy without them. You invite them to join and they either say it doesn't really interest them or try to take over and tell you how to do your own hobby. Again, it's collosal waste of time hoping they will someday learn how to love. If their not in control and the center of attention, they aren't going to care, and any attempt get them to see reason just ends up in a fight they refuse to let you win. That's not communication, that's tyranny, even when they take the victim stance and pretend to be frail, delicate, and vulnerable. They do it to manipulate because they are weak and it's their way of controlling, forcing you to take responsibility for their wellbeing and getting upset when you want to do something on your own. You gave up a lot of dreams when it came to fining somebody who would volunteer because hey knew you needed the help, seeing your strength and the fact that you take responsibility for yourself, but end up put in the same position of being used. We want that for you and know that he could fulfill that need easily and appreciate that you'd reciprocate with support, not demands. You demand that your basic needs be met, respect, compassion, empathy, but you also demand reciprocity in someone willing to match the effort you put in to the relationship and showing love."
"What pisses me off is that fact that the intense maturity I feel in his energies is what woke me up, breaking through the brainwashed idiot to recognizing that I wasn't as happy as I was pretending to be, and doing something about it," Senma said. "I was toxically positive, neglecting my needs, settling for breadcrumbs, and trying make a situation work that was just causing more damage than it was worth, trying to fit a role that was determined by a narcisisst. And I know Apollo saw that. When the Gods encouraged me to cry, to accept that I had been wasting my time wanting to be loved but not knowing what it was like, I started rebelling and saying I knew what I was doing when, in truth, I was lost. I needed a hero, a guide, someone who would show me what real love was like and forgive me when I was too scared to admit I was in pain. I was refusing to be vulnerable, and still am, because I don't want to get hurt. On my own, without another human to talk to, I am an island and I'm on my own. I close up shop and put on the customer service face of, 'of course I'm happy, why wouldn't I be.' Feeling his energy and his willingness to learn shocked the shit out of me. I have never had anyone willing to learn and I feel like I sabotage it out of fear. Worse I blamed him when it wasn't his fault that I was scared of receiving real love. I know I would love him and be grateful everyday if we were together, probably having to pause every time he did something kind and meaningful, just to process that I had someone who cared, not because they felt obligated but because they wanted to."
"Ah," Hermes said. "That's why you walked away and held onto your Divine Masculine Partner instead of pursuing anything with him."
"Yep," Senma said, accepting the truth. "Because I didn't feel like I deserved it after being a brainwashed idiot and not knowing what it was like to receive real love. Now, I don't know how to get past the self-loathing and the imposter syndrome that comes up when I do my best to see myself as worthy and beautiful. I got out of my head, checked into the present saw the damage and wanted to eat a bullet. It's genuinely not his fault and I don't want him receiving my negative, I was doing my best to keep it to myself, and failing. So, please, protect him from me. It's not cute and not attractive to get pissed off at an innocent person for not wanting to help me fix my damage."
"He volunteered to, that's what you failed to learn," Hermes said.
"Great," Senma said, hating herself all over again and not knowing what to do from there. "Well, I don't blame him for moving on to greener pastures. I'm just not going to look at him anymore, it just makes me regress back into the brainwashed victim I was when I was doing as my mother told me. I'm only just realizing that his maturity would help prevent me from regressing back into that, but I don't know what to do because I fucked things up so badly instead of pretending he knew me, cared, and was helping. I have no right to ask for his help, never really fucking did. Twin or not. And I'm tired of deluding myself into thinking I'm attractive."
"You know, your dark-mindedness is why we had you embrace being Melinoe," Hermes said. "Neither of you are players, but you always end up getting stuck in the self-loathing, even when we keep telling you that you're beautiful and worthy of having real love. A small fraction of the dark-mindedness is py with how you look, the rest is the negative and toxic you've been surrounded with your entire life seeping into your brain and convincing you that you're invalid and unworthy, forcing you to diminish and feel invisible in your own life, and accept the lie that you're unworthy of love. You don't have someone willing to physically sit you down and fight to get you out of your head and cheer up. You needed to examine the damage that had been done by your mother, your sister, and your husbands. You needed to see that you are worthy and, when you started fighting to accept it, it started feeling disingenuous so you stopped. He found his next girlfriend because of signs he received from your end and believed she was the one he was waiting for, even though his work helped you more than her in a way that actually matters, recovery, healing, and personal growth. You need physical affection and someone compassionate and empathic enough to listen more than stuff and idol worship. You need a real lover, not a fan. You offer love, and then chicken out because you don't see how it can work from a distance, and we know you'll follow through on love him when you get the chance to do so. But you have to get past the self-loathing and feelings of unworthiness to breakthrough to the one who will be there for you. Right now, it's fucked up because he recognized your spirit and wanted to help without seeing you as a woman or loving you in person. He keeps asking what to say to you and yet there's nothing he can say because he doesn't talk to you in person which is how it could help. You cut him out of the loop because he's not a physical presence your life and hasn't wanted to be, hating you for being you and the one he could feel instead of you being a model or an actress. Easily accessible to someone of his status and wealth. Even if you did fit the Hollywood image, if you don't have the social status it would take a leap of faith to give you the time of day and you got tired of hearing compliments and praise that he heaps on other women to pretend you were loved. YOU need to be loved. Not a character. Stop listening to the voices that say it's easy and be ok with your intellect and soul searching helping him. He let go of what bonded you before to adhere to her demands. Now, you describing what you're going through is going to give him ideas on how to try and get her to be emotionally available, even though he's been trying for years with no progress. He's the kind of guy that doesn't care if he's not fucking a model if the love is real. He is what you need."
"I know," Senma said. "I just wish I knew how to make him more comfortable with getting to know me. I would be open to sitting down and talking to each other face to face if he was willing to do so. But, he hasn't been. So, what's the point. I try to write as if we were talking and I get mixed signals because he's not talking to me so I retract. I work on myself and make progress and feel like I'm being stripped of the strength I found in an attempt to give it someone else, ending up right back in the self-loathing and feelings of unworthiness because he doesn't care that I'm a real person with a body of my own that would love to talk to him in person. He calls me a vampire when I'm not, and as soon as it felt like I might be draining him, I immediately started working on a way to prevent it. The funny thing is, I rarely feel the intensity of energy directly from him, meaning I have been receiving from spirits more than him. Meaning I'm not feeding on his energies or draining him. I really am just minding my own fucking business, doing my best to ignore what I'm receiving from spirit about him and his girlfriend, as I have been since they started dating. I saw the social maneuvering early on, but I got accused of just being jealous instead of seen as a friend. She wanted his access to old social circles she was being shut out of when the truth about her was being made known, now she's got it, him under her thumb, and I'm lost as to what to do next."
"Consult your cards and trust your intuition," Hermes said. "Let Persephone, Artemis, and Dionysus guide you through the Elussian Mysteries. You already embraced being Melinoe and it's time for you to embrace being Queen. That's what Dionysus helps the initiates do, helping them the same way Hades helped her. The fact that it's your body that feels the touch starvation the most is why sexual themes are going to be involved, but remember that sex isn't worth the trauma when your sex partner refuses intimacy which is what you need most."
"Understood," Senma said and took a deep breath.
"And, as a reward, I'll let you in on a secret."
"What's that?" She asked.
"The reason we delayed you as much as we did was to prevent your self-exploration for creating a glamor that would make it harder for him to break the trauma bonding with her," he said. "Instead of being ok with being exploited energetically, recognize that he may have already seen your worst, the dark-minded, toxically positive girl who lived her life closed of and in pain which means, if he comes back to you, he's already ready to handle your worst which will be rare, aside from getting you out of your head which would be the most frequent and why you've needed a partner for so long. Not codependency, you can handle your own responsibilities and be an adult, you proved that at the call center and when you recognized you needed more than what you husband back then could provide, was brave enough to end your marriage and decided to start over, working on yourself ahead of time to feel worthy of finding real love. That needs to be your truth, not an argument. You are worthy of real love. Even if it scares you."
"Understood," Senma said, again, taking a deep breath and blowing it out to steady her nerves.
