Who even made up that stupid system...
"Alright, fine... new world it is."
"Excellent!" Lumina clapped her hands together, her eyes practically radiating joy. "I knew you always wanted to be a hero!"
"I never even had a fair choi—"
"Shhhhhhhhhh." She shut me up by placing a single, dainty finger on my lips.
Her half-smile was the perfect mix of warning and pleading.
"...Just shut up, okay? Save me the drama."
"HMPH!" I crossed my arms, pouting at the sheer disrespect.
"Well, since you did make me laugh, I'll be generous. I'll let you take one item with you on your grand adventure."
"Oooh, a freebie?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Alright, so what do I have to do to leave that world once I'm done?"
"What!? Why are you already trying to leave!? You haven't even gotten there yet!"
"Just answer the damn question!"
"Ugh, fine. Once you defeat the Leader of the Demons, I'll reincarnate you into whatever life you want."
Whoa... I could custom-order my next life!?
I could be born into a rich family! Be insanely handsome! Have a bunch of sexy women! AND... AND... OHHH THE POSSIBILITIES!
*SLAP*
"Hey! Snap out of it, loser!"
"OW! That's starting to hurt, you know!?"
"Yeah, yeah. So? What's your wish? The one thing you want for your oh-so-important adventure?"
I smirked.
She thought I hadn't been planning this from the start? Oh, you fool! My late-night anime watching hours are finally paying off! I have seen this before!
She just handed me the perfect weapon!
HERSELF!
I slowly raised my arm, pointing at her with a dramatic flourish, and with a deepened heroic voice that included all the flair of someone about to drop the final Uno card, I said:
"You..."
HA, I got you now!
"BWAAAHAHAHAHA!" Lumina doubled over, her laughter echoing throughout the void once more. "You're cute, but... NO! I'm a goddess, you moron! You can't just take me with you! Do you think I'm stupid or something?"
My face falls into a deep frown, and a small cloud of despair appears on top of me as I cross my arms and stare at the ground out of embarrassment.
"Ufufufu~, Oh, you poor soul~" she teased, twirling her hair. "First, you get rejected by Heaven, and now this... you know there are rules forbidding that, right~?" She mocks me with a teasing tone in her voice.
Oh, of course, there are rules! Bet there's a whole section in the Handbook titled 'Why You Can't Take the Goddess With You!'
Damn it... now I just look like a fool!
"Fine," I grumbled. "Then I want an item that can grant me an inventory, like in a game, because the last thing I want is running out of space while adventuring."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever! But I'm making it one item max since you actually thought you could pull that stunt of yours off! PFFFT!" She laughs, rolling on the floor from such enjoyment she has, making me feel embarrassed.
Yeah, well. I will only need one!
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With a flick of her wrist, a blue crystal materialized in front of me. I picked it up and examined it, turning the small crystal over in my palm. A note appeared with it:
Point at the item you wish to store and say, 'You are mine.'
WARNING: One item MAX!
Without hesitation, I pointed it straight at Lumina.
"You are mine," I say in a smug voice.
Her laughter instantly died.
"...Wait."
The crystal began glowing, radiating a divine power that I could barely comprehend. It then started to dissolve in my hand and circled us in the form of blue glowing sparkles.
Lumina's smug expression vanished in an instant.
Her golden eyes widened in sheer shock.
"Eh?! You can't do this to me! I'm a goddess! It isn't fair! Please! I'll give you anything! AAAAAAHHHH! THIS HAS TO BE ILLEGAL!" She falls onto her knees, pleading for mercy, whilst grabbing me by my legs and shaking me to stop the spell.
She finally realized the kind of power she just handed me!
"GAHAHAHA! Now who's the fool!?" I cackled, basking in my villainous triumph.
"NO. No, no, NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" Lumina lunged toward me, with hopes of stopping the crystal, but it was far too late.
"OH, it so very much IS!" I laugh.
The spell had been cast. There is nothing she can do now!
"YOU IDIOT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DOOOONNNEEEE-?!"
Uh-oh. It's getting way too bright...
While in the midst of Lumina's pleading screams and my villainous laughter, another note pops up in front of me.
Oh.. what is this? I glance at the paper.
[Warning 2: Don't ever, EVER, use on a Goddess!]
"Wha—?! Well, that's just perfect!" I screamed at the heavens—or whatever passed for an authority figure in this dimension.
"THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP, YOU ABSOLUTELY USELESS NOBODY!" I shout at the emptiness of the void, shaking my fist at the air.
Then another note materializes with bright sparkles and falls into my hands.
"Oh?" I quickly open it.
"DAMN YOU!"
Okay, okay... this is getting kind of intense!
The sparkles circling us start shaking in the air, and in a moment-
*BOOOOOM*
A blinding white light exploded around us, practically obliterating my beautiful, innocent eyes!
"AHHH! MY EYES!" I screamed, flailing like a maniac.
After some time, the light finally started fading as I slowly blinked, regaining my vision and rubbing my face.
The crystal? Gone.
Lumina? Also gone.
...huh
I patted my arms. My legs. My face. Checked my reflection in the void's nonexistent surface.
"Hmm? I don't feel any different..."
I waved my arms, but nothing magical happened.
"And I don't see an inventory..."
No pop-up window. No menu screen. No floating stat bars. Just the usual nothingness.
Did it not work!?
I frowned. "Stupid crystal didn't even do anything!"
THEN, A MASSIVE, TERRIFYING PORTAL RIPPED OPEN RIGHT ON TOP OF ME!
I turned and booked it like I was competing in the Olympics, but to no use...
My feet left the ground as I slowly began levitating toward the doomsday whirlpool above. Not a fast, dramatic one, but more of a 'taking a slow elevator' type pull.
"AAAHHHHHhhhhhhh... Oh..."
Well... this is underwhelming...
As I turned around mid-air, I spotted Lumina, already flying halfway towards it.
"HAH! Doesn't feel so good now, does it?" I point at her.
"How does it feel to be dragged off to another world by the guy you were just making fun of, huh?! You'd better use those goddess powers of yours to make my life as comfortable as I want!"
"WHAAAAAA-?! YOU BETTER NOT MAKE ME DO ANYTHING NASTY, YOU IDIOT!" she shrieked, while being sucked in, her voice fading but her rage echoing loud and clear.
"I... I never even said that I would!!!" I shout back at her.
Before I could even scream properly, the swirling vortex of doom violently sucked me in.
"WAIT! WHERE'S THE TUTORIAL!? WHERE'S MY STARTER WEAPON?! At least give me a damn maaaaappp-"
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