Sometimes when she talks,
her voice slips — softens —
and suddenly I’m not hearing my grandma at all.
I’m hearing the little girl she used to be.
The one who lost too much, too young.
The one still waiting for her mother to come home,
still reaching for a man who isn’t here anymore,
still clutching memories like they’re warm hands
and not ghosts.
I see her.
Not the woman who sighs too loud
or repeats the same worry five times,
but the small girl under all that age,
the one who just wants someone
to stay,
to listen,
to love her the way she was never fully loved.
And God —
I want to love her better.
I want to be patient,
gentle,
soft in all the places life made her hard.
I want to give her something steady,
something safe,
something she can lean on without fear
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of it breaking.
But I’m human.
And sometimes she irritates me.
Sometimes her sadness feels heavy,
her habits familiar in the absolute best and worst ways,
her voice a reminder
of wounds carried down like heirlooms.
And still —
I love her.
Even when I’m tired.
Even when I’m frustrated.
Even when I wish I could disappear
into silence for a moment
just to breathe.
I love her in a way that feels older than both of us,
like I’ve known her across lifetimes,
like maybe I’m here
to hold the little girl she used to be
because no one else ever did.
And when she looks at me,
really looks,
I see all of it —
the grief, the longing, the childlike hope
that someone will choose her.
I hope she knows that I do.
I hope she feels it
even on the days I fall short.
Even on the days I flinch.
Even on the days I am not the version of myself
she deserves.
Because beneath everything —
beneath frustration and flaws and bloodline exhaustion —
I love her.
And I carry the little girl in her
as gently as I can.

