From the desk of Officer Blanc to Officer Stevenson, United States Parks and Wildlife Service

  Have you ever seen anything like this? A hiker found this out in the Mojave National Preserve alongside a rusted .45, it was wrapped up in a jacket with an American flag stitched to the back. It was missing a star, so this thing probably dates back to the 50s, but the book is newer, probably only 23 or so years old. There were some desiccated remains, but the coroner's office took them and deemed them to be inconclusive

  From the desk of Officer Stevenson, to Officer Blanc, United States Parks and Wildlife Service

  Haven't seen, odds are it's just some poor missing hiker that went out there unprepared, not much we can do anyways, maybe see if they can find a DNA match and alert the next of kin

  From the desk of Officer Blanc to Officer Stevenson, United States Parks and Wildlife Service

  Ok so this looks to be weird, don't know what the deal is coroners office and the SBSD don't want to hand over any files. Something strange is going on here.

  From the desk of Officer Stevenson, to Officer Blanc, United States Parks and Wildlife Service

  It's not our problem anymore, if they're going out of their way to hide information its above our pay grade anyway.

  From the desk of Officer Blanc to Officer Stevenson, United States Parks and Wildlife Service

  I guess you're right. Are you and Sarah coming to the Christmas ball?

  From the desk of Officer Stevenson, to Officer Blanc, United States Parks and Wildlife Service

  Please refrain from using internal Memorandums for questions like that; just ask me after work.

  From the desk of Officer Blanc to Officer Stevenson, United States Parks and Wildlife Service

  Will do apologies for the inconvenience

  So today is definitely one of the days of all time id say today i drove a while in an ideal world or like in the movies i couldve just hopped on over to washington national airpot nevermind its not called that anymore they changed the name not that long ago i think only 2 or so years ago im rambling now but I think it helps alot takes my mind off things, i think ill be refering to myself as John American in this. Whoever is reading will likely know my identity when they find this book or maybe after i give you my name who knows really? So i lifted this nifty little book a from a gas station in Arlington Virginia, ill call myself John America because my jacket has an American flag stitched to the back was a hand me down from grandpa he died bout a year ago word was this jacket was the one he wore during the battle of the bulge dont know about the whole story or why he stitched a flag to it but im pretty sure its missing a few stars so i know its old right i keep getting off topic my mind is burning at a million thoughts per second right now. Today is december the 27th i pulled off at a motel last night the Tv had my english teacher on it i liked Mrs. Smith she was nice gave me the idea to call myself this name actually she used to talk about how unidentified bodies were called john doe or jane doe. So thats what i am an unidentified body to be. Mrs.Smith was on the Tv she said John American come home they dont hold you accountable the cops are looking for you Please come home everyone here is looking for you please its not your fault. Im tired im not going to lie my life has been a perfect shitstorm for the last seven months my grades were good though my grandpa died left me a trunk of his old stuff this jacket was in it along with a with a crisp 1911A1 he used to take me out to a range and tell me in the way grandparents do when i kick the bucket this will all be yours and now that he has im sifting through the ashes of my life. Im getting tired now writing this has made me feel a little bit better.

  December 28th

  Today is the 28th like i wrote in the top of this entry i drove some more i arrived in Pigeon Forge around six filled my tank and got a burger from burger king ive always seen people eat burgers in the movies but ive never eaten a fast food burger out of legitimate hunger not bad just not good the fries were salty and the coke was nice and cold and thats about all i can say about that. I was hungry when I was in the gas station i made sure to have my hood that i keep under my jacket pulled close dont need anyone seeing my face even here the gas station had the newspapers with my face on it. Im afraid so many uncertainties im probably going to end up dead though its an outcome ive come to terms with i wish there was another way out because im afraid i dont want to die alone. Im currently camped out in a motel again i probably dont have enough money after today to afford a motel maybe i can park in a walmart or something tomorrow night im afraid to sleep though the good thing is that the car i was driving crashed they found it in a ditch by my house the car i have right now is my neighbors hes a cool enough guy hes a college student whenever he was around hed see me sitting on the porch and challenge me to a game of basketball on the driveway one time his family had a cookout so i went into his house saw where he left the keys on the counter he showed me this computer he built custom showed me some cool stuff you can do on a computer other than editing work documents and stuff he had all these comic books about people on an airship or something he has a bobblehead of one those characters on his dashboard i find myself looking at it sometimes when im driving its funny little thing its a guy with two swords and a long coat with green eyes and long black braided hair or what i think is braided hair you know how plastic bobbleheads look. I took the keys and the car his family is off on vacation somewhere probably europe or japan or cancun again he wont notice the car is missing till he gets back and even then when they report the car missing they will probably already have found me and it i wonder if my body will be in the drivers seat when they find it its a macabre thought but i cant push them out of my head this journey of mine ends with me in an orange jumpsuit or probably riddled with bullets, i could maybe cross the border into canada or mexico but id probably assume they have my face and description and identity on file waiting for me to do that exact thing. So my main idea right now is to just drive west like the pioneers of old aint got nothin better to do. I wish I could buy alcohol im out of money ill have to get creative tomorrow.

  Dec29

  Long fucking day i left Pigeon Forge at around 7 in the morning today and i pulled into Oklahoma city at around 9 at night, my arm hurts like shit i used the last of my money topping off my tank i needed food so i went into a gas station put grandpas gun in the pocket and stuck up the store i got the money out the cash register it took a long time to find a gas station without security cameras i dont need them making out the car im in or that im in Oklahoma but i guess thats useless now the guy behind the counter pulled a shotgun i think i have a couple pellets stuck in my arm i got lucky today bad thing is my jackets arm is stained red i think it wasnt that bat wherever the pellets landed it stopped bleeding a while ago its maybe 1130 when im writing this dosent take a genius to figure it will get infected though i dont know shit about medicine but i can assume that antibiotics and cleaning it will probably help stop that outcome tomorrow ill try to see if i can smash and grab a pharmacy should help me prolong my life that little bit more i mean i also have 8 bullets so i should be able to either shoot out a window or maybe blow a lock off a door like in the movies i wonder how mom is doing now that her son is a the most wanted person on the west coast i wonder if dad is ok or if he is mad hes probably mad i think i would be too if my sons face was on the news and newspapers. I have my arm wrapped up with a roll of duct tape I found in the trunk of my neighbor's car. To everyone else, it will look like a fashion statement, probably.

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  December 30th

  I left OKc late yesterday around 10 am i arrived in flagstaff at night i found a pharmacy that closed for the night and made my play the drive through window didnt have bars on it so i bashed the glass in with the butt of the pistol got into where they keep the goods with some effort i dont know what kind of antibiotics would work for this to stop it getting infected but ive heard mom gives the animals at work some doxycycle or something for infections so i pulled some of that on my way out i a cop stopped me asked what i was doing out late, told him i was hungry and was getting a meal at a mcdonalds before i head back to the motel with my mom and dad dont have either of those three things im sleeping in my car tonight but i was able to park in a motel parking lot and throw my seat down make it a makeshift bed with my hoodie and jacket eitherway the cop offered me a ride took me through the mcdonalds drive through didnt know i didnt have enough money to afford the big mac combo He threw me a bone bought the thing for me and bought himself a cup of coffee he tried to talk to me i was short with him dont need him figuring out who or why on me the fact that he didnt immediately take me into custody probably means that the cops back home dont think i left the west coast and are still focusing their search there i wonder if theyll get the FBI involved and ill be like in silence of the lambs not that im a serial killer everyone seems to know it was an accident but it wont matter for shit when the people who have the power to send me away are the ones with the most to gain with my absence ill give them what they want then but on my terms i dont need a televised proceeding just for them to give me life or a death sentence.

  Fuck it, it's just past midnight now, so its new years eve i guess. I'm panicking, hands shaking, stomach in a knot. I think my arm is infected. The wound area is hot and swollen. I don't know what that means but im assuming its not good im going to down a couple of the pills and hope to god it works i put my seat up and threw my car into gear the little bobblehead bouncing as i stepped on the gas im going to the Mojave national preserve my neighbor told me about the place said it was nice nothing out there for miles sounds like a nice place to visit under different circumstances so fuck it why not now either they bag me and i get shipped off to jail or i kick it before then ive never been camping so why not i could use some fresh air

  Now it's the 31 of december im tired, fell asleep for a couple seconds on the road im in needles ive never heard of this place but it will do i need camping goods i have a plan for that im going to just get a backpack and fill it with stuff in the store under the guise of testing to see if it will fit and then just walk out of the store i dont know how much retail employees get paid but i bet its not enough to chase a shoplifter out to their car at 10 in the morning

  Its still new years eve i was able to achieve that as i was driving away the radio picked up a signal it played this song i fought the law feel like it makes alot of sense right now although i havent been robbing people with my six gun my mind is fried no sleep all night arm is killing me the damn pellets still being lodged in the meat probably dosent help or maybe i grabbed the wrong antibiotics for this one of the two im afraid.

  31st still i parked at the mojave national preserve parking lot im going to tear this out and leave it in the glove box for my neighbor odds are a park ranger will find the car with virginia plates and report it back if no one comes back sorry for stealing your car i hope you dont mind i didnt do too much damage to it just put a couple thousand miles on the od im sure you can scrub the blood out of the passenger seat or maybe ask my parents but please wait a couple days or weeks from when you get the car back please i think they will be very upset that their only son is gone.

  31s sun was hot even for it being winter today hiked like 12 miles i think i feel strangely at ease here my water bottles are still good i think im going to stop here i set up my sleeping bag on the open ground im sitting here looking at my casio watch 11:59 pm its a digital but i feel like its ticking it ticked over to 12:00 happy new year mom dad stephanie and all the people from school its the year 2000 now i wonder if the world is gonna end that would be a nice outcome not for them but for me i miss you guys im afraid i put it in my mouth today but i couldnt do it im afraid.

  January 1

  Today is jan 1 i walked a couple more miles and put down my sleeping bag its a new millinea now i took my shoes off today maybe hiking in converse shoes isnt a good idea my feet are blistered im afraid the sun is still up but i feel tired im going to lay down for a second maybe close my eyes my arm is not doing too good i dont think the antibiotics are working my mistake was probably assuming that the meds my mom gives to dogs was going to work on people im afraid.

  My watch says tonight is still the 1st but i feel like ive been asleep for too long i didnt hear the coyotes howling or yipping or whatever they call it i can hear a phone ringing like a payphone like in the spy movies i can hear it im afraid im going to pull myself in with my sleeping bag and try to sleep past the rest of the night.

  I think my watch is broken its still saying its the first but its day time again so it should be the second im afraid im going to walk some more the desert i feel like my arm is getting better though maybe the drugs are working im almost out of water though so thats not good im trying to see if the phone ringing is real or if im getting some sort of heat stroke

  Its the 2nd now my watch is working i think im losing it or something my perception of time is fried i woke up at twilight i have a flashlight though so ill walk around for a bit couldnt hurt if theres animals out here i have the gun

  I saw something on the peripherals of my vision movement i thought it was a person but it wasnt just the wind and coyotes yipping im afraid very afraid.

  I found a phone booth out here in the desert its weird like something that should not b there im afraid

  I set up camp by the phone booth its so cold at night and so hot in the day im afraid

  I slept the night it should be the third and its the fourth so my perception of time is definitely fucked i heard the phone ringing again last night but when i woke up the phone was gone i think im losing my grip on where i am now because i couldve sworn i saw stephanies house smelled the smell of her room out here shouldnt be posible im afraid im being fucked with i think my waking moments are spent with my hand on the gun in my pocket im afraid.

  Today is the 5th i feel really weak i think i have a fever but i cant tell i feel cold all the time now im afraid i want my mom or for my grandpa to tell me its not that bad that ill be fine

  The phone is back im afraid

  The phone is ringing in my ears i see movement in my peripheral again but its always there

  I woke up my watch says just past midnight on the 7 of january i woke up i threw up the protein bar i ate last night my lips and mouth are so dry im going to answer the phone if it rings again.

  I answered the phone i heard a cacophony of voices my mom dad and the people from school i heard grandpa again.

  I slept inside the phone booth last night someone walked around the outside of it too bootprints not hiking but combat boots.

  The phone rang again i answered voices blurred into one im afraid

  Im wrapping this notebook in the jacket im staying up tonight if something comes tonight im going to kill it im deathly afraid and my arm smells funny.

  The phone rang and i answered it voices again i pulled the gun and shot it until the slide locked back im afraid i want to go home