I wanted to ride Rufus and Doofus straight back to The Pharaoh, but the wrap on my leg was soaked in blood, and no matter how many times I retied it, it kept slipping loose and falling down my leg.

  "You need a medic," @zerogstar insisted, somehow looking comfortable atop Rufus.

  @zerogstar had cut Rufus and Doofus free from one another with my sword to make our ride easier. I eased off the reins of Doofus, slowing down in the Frosty the Frozen theme park, which featured a combination of Frosty the Snowman and the characters from the movie Frozen.

  "Let it go." I sang, in a relatively bad tenor. "Let it go."

  "Come on," @zerogstar said, frustrated. "Our chances of success go way down if you lose your leg."

  She was right, of course. The pellets that ripped through my leg would do permanent damage unless I could find a proper medic. Our equipment on the ship was good, but we would be fumbling without @bitchfrog, and even then, I'm not sure if we had enough on board to fix a leg damaged as badly as this. Not quickly anyway. I had no idea how long I'd have to soak my leg in a regeneration tank. Might be that getting a new clone would be easier, but again, that took time, and we needed to get to @bitchfrog right away.

  The only reason I agreed was that @astrowave hadn't been able to track @bitchfrog yet.

  "I know a place," I said, and I steered Doofus in the direction of Love Hurts, speeding off before @zerogstar could ask me where, or maybe she did and I ignored her.

  We pulled up to Love Hurts, and I hopped off, only to fall to the ground. My leg wouldn't support my weight anymore.

  @zerogstar helped me to my feet and propped me up under her shoulder. She paused at the door. "You do know what kind of place this is, right?"

  I partially shrugged at her. "I do."

  "It's … sexy medicine."

  "No," I laughed. "It's really not. They have a Love Hurts theme, but it's a clinic. On Eros. What do you expect? It's part of the touristy thing, a gimmick. It's not like they're love doctors or do strip teases as they examine you."

  "There are other clinics too. They just won't have the same personal touch," @zerogstar said with a chuckle. "But if you insist, then Love Hurts it is."

  "I don't insist. It's just … look, I've been here before. Similar situation. I needed a medic, and I needed one fast."

  "Oh, you have, have you?" Her smirk said everything, making me feel embarrassed as she helped me through the door and we approached the annoying dark-haired woman at the reception desk.

  "My point is, they know me. They've worked on me recently. Don't look at me like that." @zerogstar led me to the counter so that I could lean against it, but she stayed close in case I wavered. The smell of disinfectant, lemon, and peppermint filled my nose.

  "You again," the peppy woman said, looking up from a tablet. "I see that this time you're wearing pants."

  @zerogstar nudged me in the shoulder and bugged her eyes out at me before laughing into her armpit.

  Stupid nurse. "My leg's going to fall off," I said.

  "I can see that. An emergency room would be more appropriate, but we're glad you came back. We love multiple orgasms."

  "That's not what they do here," I said, looking helplessly at @zerogstar.

  She fell to her knees laughing and had to excuse herself so that she could laugh outside. Once the sound of her guffawing faded away, I tried again, with a scowl.

  "I just need my leg fixed." I rested my elbow on the counter and held up my hand before she could say it. "I know. Sex and medicine."

  The nurse smiled satisfactorily. "@stephascope and @ameliar8," she announced through her intercom, "please come to the waiting room. There's a leg here to see you."

  Then, to me, she said, "We're about to wrap up for the evening. We've been sending other patients away, but our medical oath requires that we treat patients in dire need."

  I really should have found an emergency room, but this clinic already had my medical records and deep knowledge of me. Besides, I wanted to control the spread of information about me. The outer door opened, and @zerogstar walked back to the reception desk to join me. I could tell she was on the verge of launching into another giggling fit, but I was glad she returned.

  "Are you in dire need of sex and medicine?" the nurse asked in her chipper tone.

  "I am," I said.

  Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  "I need to hear you say it," she said, tapping at the countertop.

  "I am in dire need of sex and medicine," I muttered reluctantly.

  Muffled laughter spilled out beside me, and a glance told me that @zerogstar would just have to wait outside until I was done.

  "Look after the flamingos, why don't you?" I ordered, and she flashed me a thumbs-up as she retreated from the building. "Sex stands for standard examination," I called after her. Oh bother.

  I hopped over toward the door as the two twins, the clone pair, came through the door. @stephascope was in her same sky blue outfit, and @ameliar8 wore her doctor's scrubs. I wouldn't have been able to tell them apart if not for their clothes and their demeanor. @stephascope was all smiles. @ameliar8 was her stern and professional self.

  "Hi there," @stephascope said eagerly.

  @ameliar8 muttered and shook her head at me. "Broken again already. You didn't read the recovery instructions, did you?"

  "Can you help me?"

  @stephascope stepped forward, bending down in front of me. "Drop your pants," she instructed.

  "Shouldn't we be in an examination room?" I said.

  I looked at the black-haired woman behind the counter. She wasn't going to help me. In fact, the opposite. "The last time, if I recall, you didn't bother with pants at all."

  "No one is here," @ameliar8 explained, "and if we can't help you, then better to know now, don't you think?"

  That was true. I dropped my pants, sort of. The wound in my right leg was bad enough that my pants were stuck to my leg, and in some places it looked like the fabric had sunk deeply into the skin. I desperately did not want them to pull it off.

  "Good enough," @stephascope said, and she actually looked concerned and serious for a change.

  She ran her hands up my leg from my ankle to my groin, squeezing here and there. "Tell me when it hurts," she said. @ameliar8 held a clipboard, making notes, finally leaning over @stephascope's shoulder to inspect the wound.

  "We can't help you," @stephascope said at last. She looked at @ameliar8, who nodded in agreement. "We can still offer you sex and medicine, but it won't last. That leg's going to need to come off."

  I sighed. "What should I do?"

  "The closest place is Gamble with Your Life," @ameliar8 instructed. "They can handle dismemberment. I'll make a call."

  I remembered that place on my list. They were actually an entertainment venue where contestants gambled for their lives, not unlike my Hot Potato match, but with traditional gambling games. Given the nature of death, they had a modest emergency room.

  "Got it. It really can't be saved, huh?" I tugged my pants back up, preparing to leave.

  They looked at each other and simultaneously said, "You'll never get a leg up in life with that one."

  Eerie clone twins.

  I limped my way to the door. @ameliar8 caught up to me and offered me crutches.

  I know I said I wouldn't do it, but I flipped over to the Puppy Eyes setting. I wanted to see about getting a medic to join my crew, and I didn't want it to be one that found me attractive. It was a long shot, but we couldn't go galavanting around the solar system without one. Hopefully, I could rescue @bitchfrog quickly, but I needed someone to help us until then.

  Besides, I didn't have time to go around asking all the doctors of Eros if they could join us, put out a job posting, or vet them to see if they would be good candidates.

  With Puppy Eyes engaged, I surveyed the room. Turns out @stephascope thought I was cute, and the nurse with the swirl of midnight black hair found me extremely attractive. No wonder she liked to tease me. @ameliar8 was cold as Frosty the Snowman about me. Excellent. I trusted @ameliar8, when she wasn't hopped up on goddess pills, to take professional care of us.

  "Doctor Amelia," I said, taking the crutches. "Have you ever considered a sabbatical from Love Hurts? Some time away from Eros?"

  "We have," @ameliar8 admitted, surprised that I had asked. "Tourists. Constant tourists. It can be frustrating. We do have some locals who are regulars, but we don't get to build many doctor-patient relationships and long-term care plans. Plus, they don't always understand our services." She grimaced.

  "Awkward," I groaned. "But I get it." I motioned out the door to where I would find my amused colleague, @zerogstar, waiting.

  "We used to have security in case of incidents," she reflected. "But we did combat training and practice regularly. It's good exercise."

  "You could rebrand," I suggested.

  "Yes, but we get a lot of customers this way. It's a great business."

  I nodded. Everything she had said so far was encouraging in recruiting a medic. Still probably a long shot, but I had to ask. "Medics with combat training are extremely valuable," I pointed out, "and I happen to be in need of one. Just temporarily. I don't suppose you would be interested?"

  She gave me a puzzled look and studied my bloodied leg. "Why exactly do you need a medic with combat training?"

  "Vanquisher," I said, pointing at myself. "I need a medic to join my crew for my next mission."

  She humphed. "Explains your injuries."

  "You have no idea," I said.

  "So, it's dangerous?" she asked. I couldn't tell if that intrigued her or scared her.

  I pursed my lips. "Unfortunately, yes. But we offer full reanimation services. Personally, I think the biggest danger is potential memory gaps. If you did want to join us, I could let you stay on the ship. You'd only have to worry about the ship exploding, and I don't want that. I have a cat on the ship. A real cat."

  I hoped that was convincing enough, but maybe I should have pushed harder. "I'd make sure you were well compensated too," I added.

  @ameliar8 took her measure of me, considering my offer. "I don't think so," she said, looking back toward her twin. "I know what we do here seems all Las Vegastroid touristy, but we do help people here. Of all the asteroids and planets, you wouldn't be surprised to find out that the highest injury rate per capita is right here on Las Vegastroid, and it's not even close."

  "I get it. You have a duty here, a good business. You like what you do." I crutched my way to the door. "But if you change your mind, go to the landing zone and find a ship called The Pharaoh. Just be quick about it. I have a rescue to organize once I get this leg taken care of."

  "You're Alliance Starmada, then?" she finally asked.

  Eros was neutral, but that didn't mean everyone living there was. @ameliar8 could be in favor of the Solar Union or the Outer System Alliance. She would certainly have opinions.

  "I'm with the Alliance Starmada," I said, watching her for a reaction. "I don't know how you feel about all that, but my ship, my crew … we're good people. I like to think so, anyway."

  When she opened the door for me to exit, but was silent, I took that as a no.

  "Just think about it," I prompted. "Thank you for everything you did for me."

  And off I went to get a mechanical leg.