Robert almost ran into the orange, cat-suit wearing backbone of their office, and a moment later, they handed him a cup of coffee.

  “Oh. Thank you. You’re a lifesaver” He took the mug and headed for his desk. Taking a long pull from it, he paused and grimaced, realizing there was whiskey in it. Robert looked back at the orange cat-suit, and it just nodded at him.

  He sat down at his desk and pulled his headset on.

  “Uhhhh, report coming in from the refinery,” Galen said. “Multiple augmented villains breaking containment.”

  “Dispatch all available heroes in the area,” Blazer told him from across the office.

  “Boss,” Galen said, standing up. “We don’t have any heroes in the area.”

  “Can you handle things here?” Blazer asked Robert. “We’re overrun out there and I—I just think I need to get out into the field for us to have a shot.”

  Robert stood up and told her, “Go. We’ve got you covered.”

  Blazer threw her tablet like a frisbee to Galen.

  “Oh shit,” he said when he caught it. “The tablet.”

  “Keep an eye on the feed,” Blazer said, then she kicked off the floor and flew out of the building.

  Robert and Galen nodded to each other. Robert looked at the empty cubicle next to him—Chase’s cubicle.

  Then a large hand grabbed the back of Chase’s chair. “My typing not da best,” Royd said, “but you look like you could use da help.”

  Robert let out a sigh of relief. “We could use whatever you can give.” He held up a fist bump. Royd returned the gesture. Across the office, Galen held up his own fist.

  Robert sat down and logged in. Three heroes available: Punch Up, Prism, and Golem.

  “Ah shit,” Robert muttered. “Is this it?”

  “Whatchoo mean is this it?” Prism asked. “Bitch you know what time it is?”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” Robert said. “Thanks for getting out of bed, or, whatever you were up to.”

  “Yeah, I take gummies to fall asleep,” Golem rumbled, “so I might be a little…”

  After a moment, Punch Up asked, “You gonna finish your sentence, big man?”

  “Hm?” Golem responded. “Oh. Shit. I thought I did.”

  “Look, we’re short handed,” Robert said.

  “Fuck you,” Punch Up spat.

  “But we should have the rest of the team trickling in so we’ll have to make due for now. Lucky for us, we got the best three heroes on the roster.”

  “We all know you’d say the same shit about whoever was here,” Prism noted.

  “Well, if we all know,” Robert responded, “then there’s no reason to point it out. Look alive. We just gotta hold it down ‘til the cavalry arrives.”

  “Okay,” Golem answered. “But just so you all know… I don’t know if I’m making memories right now.”

  The dispatch software loaded up and red alerts filled the screen.

  “Jumpin’ Jesus,” Punch Up said. “Red Ring’s swarming all over the fucking city!”

  “First thing’s first, yes,” Robert said. “Half the team is missing. Let’s fix that, immediately. Next, L.A. is on fire. Okay, we’ll work on that. Third, fucking Red Ring is oozing out of every crack in this city.”

  “Damn, dog,” Golem said. “That’s a lot of things.”

  “It is a lot of things,” Robert agreed. “But nothing we can’t handle. So, I need you guys to focus. Shit’s only gonna get worse if you don’t. You with me?”

  “I guess,” Golem said.

  “Great.”

  Four calls came in at once.

  Red Ring released some big experiment with claws at Vandlabs. Robert sent Golem. The mayor was refusing to evacuate despite an evacuation order, so he sent Prism to convince him. And there was a bomb threat at City Hall—Robert sent Punch Up. When they got back, there was a call about Red Ring goons at Crypto Night. Robert sent Punch Up and Golem.

  One of the team’s trackers was freaking out but Robert was able to hack in and stabilize it, finding Flambae. He was at the refinery for some reason, so Robert sent Punch Up and Golem to figure out what was going on.

  The mayor was still not listening to reason so Robert once again sent Prism to convince him.

  ****

  A tear in reality ripped open next to the leaderboard and Malevola came running through it, looking more frantic than Robert had ever seen her. Her eyes went wide as she spotted him. “Robert!”

  She sprinted straight to his desk and scooped him up in her arms, lifting him right out of his chair. “Oh god, are you okay? I had a bunch of missed calls from Blazer—I’m so sorry! My phone was on Do Not Disturb—I feel terrible! I should have been here! I—I…”

  She was spiraling, her voice pitching up with panic. Robert pushed out of the hug just enough to reach up, grab the sides of her face, and steady her. Her eyes were darting all over his face as her jaw trembled with nerves.

  He pulled her down into a kiss.

  She melted into it, and he felt her nerves bleed away, the shaking in her body growing more still. When he pulled back, he looked her in the eyes and said softly, “Hey, everything is okay. You’re here now, so I know I’ll be alright.”

  Her face collapsed almost into a pout, a vulnerable look he didn’t think he’d ever see on someone so fierce. She pulled him closer again, burying her face in his neck.

  “You’re hurt,” she whispered. “I can feel it.”

  Robert relaxed into the embrace, resting his chin on her shoulder. A moment later, he felt that familiar, intense prickling heat wash over him. It started at his chest and abdomen where the cuts were deep, spreading like wildfire through his veins as she knit his skin back together. The pain from the torture faded, replaced by the warmth of her magic.

  She set him down gently when she was done, her hands lingering on his arms.

  Robert took a breath, feeling stronger now that he wasn’t in pain. “Okay.” He nodded toward his headset. “They really need our help. Both of us.”

  He gave her a confident smirk. “Go kick some ass for me?”

  She sniffled, wiping a stray tear from her cheek with one finger. “Okay.”

  Then her usual demeanor slipped back into place. She turned back toward the wall where a new portal opened up, and she called over her shoulder loud enough for the entire office to hear:

  “Only if I can bite yours later.”

  Robert blushed deep crimson as she stepped through the portal. It closed behind her and Robert looked around the office.

  Everyone was staring at him with wide eyes.

  “What?” Robert asked, his voice cracking a little.

  They all immediately scrambled back to their screens, typing furiously and pretending they hadn’t just watched the entire thing.

  Robert sat down and threw his headset on just as Malevola hopped on the line, sounding far more composed than she was a minute ago. “Sorry I’m late, phone was on do not disturb. Anyway, what’d I miss?”

  This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

  ***

  Someone yelled “Oh my god!” in the background of someone’s comm.

  “Oh, not much,” Prism answered sarcastically. “Just the end of the fucking world!”

  “Good to know,” Mal responded optimistically. “I reckon we’re gonna try to put a stop to that?”

  “Get your ass in gear babe,” Prism confirmed, “we’re putting in some mad OT.”

  Punch Up and Golem successfully got Flambae rescued. Then a call came in about armed, civilian looters at the mall. Robert sent Prism and Malevola.

  Split signals came in for Sonar and Waterboy—Robert had to pick one to track first. He picked Sonar. He located Sonar, finding that Red Ring had him trapped by the yacht club.

  “We’re not here to put socks on centipedes,” Malevola said. “Let’s get a move on.”

  Robert sent Punch Up and Flambae.

  When they got him out, he said, “Thanks for saving my life. Let’s never speak of this again.”

  Then there was a bomb in a sewer. Malevola and Golem.

  SDN needed help with trainees that were pissing themselves from the pressure so Robert sent Prism.

  Waterboy was found on a speeding train that was about to crash. Robert sent Flambae to pull him out. It did not go exactly according to plan and both of them came back quite injured.

  “Alright, gang’s all here,” Robert said. “Some of you in worse shape than others.”

  “Everything hurts,” Waterboy said. “Even my socks.”

  “Damn,” Flambae said. “You look like fucking shit.”

  “You just got rescued,” Prism said, “do not play with me right now.”

  “God dangit,” Golem said. “I’m sober again.”

  “Hey,” Malevola said. “Not to be a buzzkill or whatever, but, hypothetically… if we did need to negotiate… What are we willing to offer?”

  “Aww, Mal,” Sonar said. “Have you been watching those TED talks I sent you?”

  “Well,” Robert answered. “I see we’ve entered the ‘negotiating with terrorists’ phase of the evening. Let’s put a pin in this.”

  More red alerts flashed all over the screen.

  Robert said, “Ah shit,” and stood up, looking around.

  Phenomaman was watching the city burn on one of the nearby TVs while eating a melon basket.

  Robert said, “gimme one sec,” and muted his mic, cupping his hands to his mouth. “Hey, phenomaminute… ah fuck! Hey, whatsyourname, Phenomaman? Hey! Phenomaman!”

  He rushed over the the large hero, who turned and offered him a piece of melon.

  “No, I’m good,” Robert said. “I thought we talked about the melons.”

  “Unfortunately,” Phenomaman said, “I signed up for the Monthly Melon subscription to save ten percent on my purchase.”

  Robert pinched the bridge of his nose.

  “Eleven months remain.”

  “That’s uh—that’s great, you like saving. So, how about you help save the fuckin’ city?”

  Phenomaman turned around. “It does sound better than saving ten percent of eight hundred and twenty two dollars.”

  “Holy shit,” Roberty’s palm slapped his own forehead. “That’s a lot of money. Look, doesn’t matter—Galen? Can you just help get him in the hero pool?”

  “Yezzur,” Galen responded.

  Robert threw the melon basket in the trash.

  As Phenomaman was led away by Galen, he said, “I save on shipping by delivering it myself.”

  “That sounds… not worth it,” Galen said.

  Robert rushed back to his desk and added Phenomaman to his roster.

  “Pain hurts,” Waterboy said as soon as Robert put his headset on. “But I’m… I’m okay.”

  “Greetings and salutations,” Phenomaman said. “I have left the company of my far superior team to assist you. You may call me Phenomaman, for that is my name.”

  Waterboy stammered, “Ph-ph-ph-phenoma-nom-a-man, b-big fan… I’m… big Phenomenal man fan.”

  “Is that the wet janitor who shakes violently like a small frightened animal?” Phenomaman asked.

  “Oh my god,” Waterboy sounded starstruck. “He knows who I am!”

  “Waterboy’s very excited to work with you,” Malevola said.

  “Phenomenal,” said Phenomaman.

  Five calls came in at once.

  The first was about the Cult of Ch’aad using the chaos to summon their god through human sacrifice. Robert sent Malevola and Prism to take care of it. YouTopia needed an escort to her private jet, she needed to be protected from both Red Ring and fans along the way. Robert sent Phenomaman and Sonar. The stadium was reported as being on fire. Robert dispatched Waterboy along with Punch Up.

  “Top of the mornin’!” Waterboy shouted in a weird fuckin’ leprachaun voice.

  Punch Up immediately responded, “Don’t even try it.”

  A giant kaiju was tearing the pier apart, so Robert sent Golem.

  The DTLA branch of SDN apparently had a bunch of heroes all accusing each other of being Red Ring spies, so they needed someone to break it up. Robert sent Phenomaman and Flambae.

  “Hey, uh, you seein’ this?” Galen asked. “What is that?”

  “Whatever it is, it sounds like more shit,” Robert answered.

  Across town, a whole heap of trouble looked to be brewing. Something exploded and a familiar voice hopped onto their comms.

  “Hey Z-team,” Coupé said. “Get a load of my new friends.”

  “Aw, fuck, no way,” Punch Up said. “That can’t be… Coop?”

  “Yep,” Blazer answered. “With more Red Ring backup. A lot of Red Ring backup. I’m not mad… I’m just disappointed.”

  “Aww,” Coupé cooed. “I don’t care.”

  “For fuck’s sake, Coop,” Punch Up pleaded. “Why’d you have to go and spread those wings of yours?”

  ***

  “I’m gonna tear ‘em the fuck off,” Malevola seethed.

  ***

  Blazer sighed. “If we want to save this city, we need to take Coop down. Without her, the Red Ring will scramble.”

  Robert sent Malevola and Golem for the first skirmish with Coupé’s troops.

  A call came in about the Red Ring handing out tech like candy and gangs wreaking havoc in Torrance. Robert sent Bat-Sonar and Waterboy.

  “Oh sweet, I can visit my old weed guy,” Sonar said. “Uh, after we finish all this shit.”

  A bomb was located in a sewer. Robert sent Prism and Phenomaman.

  The Red Ring put up a roadblock of stolen police cars, firetrucks, and tanks. Robert sent Sonar, Flambae, and Phenomaman.

  The first fight against Coupé was a success.

  Vanderstenk’s fucking girlfriend demanded a coffee in the middle of the city melting down. Robert sent Waterboy, who asked if he’d done something wrong.

  Another gang showed up with Red Ring tech. Punch Up and Prism.

  Pom Pom called for help with an evacuation, Phenomaman was the only one available, so Robert sent him over.

  “My money’s on Blazer,” Malevola said.

  Golem responded, “Eh, probably me.”

  “Besides you, Golem,” Flambae said. “You’re not allowed to bet on yourself.”

  “Ah dang, I forgot. Uh, Malevola then.”

  “Oh hey,” Malevola cooed. “That’s weirdly sweet. Thanks, man.”

  “What’s the bet?” Robert asked.

  “Last one left alive when all this shit goes straight to hell,” Prism answered.

  It was time for another skirmish with Coupé, Robert sent Malevola and Golem again.

  The fight by the roadblock weakened the bridge. Robert sent Bat-Sonar, Flambae, and Waterboy to help Brickhouse hold it up.

  A call came in about a gated community that was ablaze but no one was in immediate danger. Robert sent Punch Up and Prism.

  Galen found the distributor of the Red Ring tech, some guy named “Mister Fister,” but no one was available to check it out.

  The second fight against Coupé was successful.

  Apparently a Red Ring goon called SmileMore took over a radio station to try brainwashing citizens. Robert sent Phenomaman and Flambae to check it out.

  “They gotta go solodolo when it counts, man,” Royd said.

  “We’re just… failing slower,” Robert answered.

  “That’s how it feel, brah. They got us spread thin brah. Hitting us everywhere. Can’t get a win no kinda way.”

  “You’re right,” Robert breathed, pulling his headset back on. “Hey, listen up. This isn’t working. This is what they want, okay? To send us to every corner of the city, spreading us thin, forcing us to travel back and forth. No more coming back to base between calls. We stay out for as long as we can.”

  “So your plan is for us to get more tired than we already are?” Malevola asked. He could hear her swinging her sword around, men screaming as they fought her. A wet grunt sounded out, like someone getting stabbed in the chest.

  “This is what Shroud does,” Robert answered. “He knows our procedures so he’s predicting our moves. So, we need to switch it up and be less predictable. Z-team, what happens today will live on—”

  “Alright,” Flambae cut off his speech. “We get it. First pattern we break can be the one where you try to say some inspiring shit. Or try to, at least.”

  The entire team laughed.

  “Affirmative on that,” Robert smiled. “Be careful out there, team.”

  “Ugh,” Flambae groaned. “Yanked a hammy.”

  Robert sent Sonar and Flambae to locate, subjugate, and interrogate Coupé’s crew.

  A Canadian airplane full of civilians was being attacked by Red Ring Automatons. Robert sent Phenomaman and Prism.

  The attack against Coupé’s crew was successful.

  An enhanced durability Red Ring goon named Beefcake was stirring up trouble, she needed to be hit hard and fast. Waterboy volunteered himself, Robert sent Punch Up and Malevola as well.

  Robert sent Golem and Phenomaman to deal with Coupé’s next fight.

  Red Ring Automatons were headed for city hall and they needed a trap constructed. Robert sent Sonar and Flambae.

  The fight against Coupé won another victory.

  “Come on!” Flambae said. “You heard the man, one last push.”

  Prism sighed. “I expect a key to the goddamn city after this shit.”

  Then the Red Ring attacked the Vincent Thomas bridge and tried escaping on the USS Iowa. Robert sent Phenomaman and Prism.

  The Vincent Thomas bridge started collapsing with civilians trapped in peril. Robert sent Bat-Sonar, Malevola, and Waterboy.

  For the final push against Coupé, Robert dispatched Flambae, Punch Up, and Golem.

  The Red Ring stole a news helicopter and started shooting down at civilians. Robert sent Phenomaman, Malevola, and Waterboy.

  The fight against Coupé was a success.

  “Sorry, love,” Punch Up sighed. “Nothing personal.”