I could barely see his face in the darkness. I hoped that he could not see me. I was mortified, I wanted to disappear.

  “It’s nothing,” I whispered breathlessly, “I’m fine.”

  “If you say so, Your Highness,” he sounded glib. He knew.

  He loomed rge in the dark room, and lingered for just a few more moments. I was so tense I could barely breathe. My hands were still on my naked thighs, fingers wet from having touched myself. I was covered by my bnket but I felt completely naked. I wondered, if I had asked him to join me would he have done it? Would I have to help him with the fastenings of his armour and gently put the pieces to the ground so that we don’t wake the others?

  He walked back to his post outside the door, and I carefully wiped my fingers on a handkerchief before pulling my chemise down. How embarrassing. There was a knock on the door.

  “Yes?” my voice trembled.

  “You know if there’s anything I can do for you, ask me. Your Highness.”

  “Thank you, Sir Alvar.”

  He closed the door again. My pounding heart kept me awake all night.

  ***

  The countryside was gliding past along outside the window, I wondered if I should just jump out of the carriage and let myself roll down the road.

  “No, no, no, you say we are going to the banquet. Not we are go to the banquet. This is a disaster.”

  The man speaking was my fathers courtier, Baron Silverin. Short and pudgy, his little blue eyes narrowed with annoyance. He had been entrusted with bringing me safe to Medora and take care of any diplomatic issues. Usually, he sat in his own carriage with his assistants. He didn’t like me very much. He was making me revise my knowledge of the High Tongue. Most children of royalty were raised in that nguage. It was considered unusual that the royal family of Havermark spoke the common tongue of our country.

  “I am, I apologize.”

  “This is preposterous,” he continued in the complex nguage. “Your mother always speaks the High Tongue, and your father is fluent too. What have your tutors been teaching you?”

  My tutor had been a very old monk called Father Timius. He had often fallen asleep during our lessons and I had let him, while I drew pictures and dreamed of faraway pces. My mother had never paid much attention to me at all, and I do not remember having a full conversation with her at any point during the st year.

  “I will try to learn now, Baron Silverin.”

  “You had better do so, because if you speak to Prince Virtus like you spoke to Lord Harris yesterday, he will think you are an idiot and send you back.”

  And so the day went on, studying grammar and pronunciation with the most hateful little man I knew. My mind kept wandering back to Alvar. He was off duty for the day, because he had been guarding me the night before. I kept glimpsing at him at the edges of the travelling party. He did not wear his armour and instead wore a billowing white shirt, which draped gracefully over his muscur torso. When the sun hit him from the other direction I could see the shape of his body outlined clearly.

  The next days I was never alone, when I was not being quizzed on the High Tongue by Baron Silverin or his assistant Haldor, the maids and dies-in-waiting were fussing over me. I only interacted with Alvar when he helped me down from the carriage, and when he did I felt like I was blushing red as an apple. I hoped that no-one noticed. What would they say?

  I tried to push him out of my mind. I had been mad that night to even consider asking him to my bed. The marriage that had been arranged for me was not only integral to my future security and happiness, but that of my whole country. If they thought I was betraying my future husband, there would be hell to pay. No-one could know of my feelings towards Alvar. I should push them down deep until they disappear.

  For a while it worked. I kept busy, I focused on my studies and my future. I looked at the road and learned about the nature and people of the pces we traversed. Sometimes we stayed in castles or manors, where I could practise my High Tongue and get to know the local aristocracy. Mostly we stayed in camps where I could walk around and find new pnts which I had never seen before. I drew the most interesting ones of them in my sketchbook, or dried them when I could, and asked for their names whenever I could ask some of the local people.

  Around the beginning of the third month of our trip, the wheel on Baron Silverin’s carriage broke. Most of the men in the party were figuring out how to repce it, they had not brought an extra. They had to travel all the way back to the vilge we had just crossed to get a repcement. This meant that I had half a day to myself, where I could do what I wanted. I went into the woods to study pnts. I was accompanied only by Sir Thanmar, an older knight.

  I was sitting on a fallen log, drawing a species of thorny bush I had never seen before, when I heard Sir Thanmar conversing quietly with someone. It was Sir Alvar, his armour glinting in the midday sun. The old knight left, it was just me and Alvar. I tried to focus on my drawing, looking at the shading and making sure I got the shape of the clusters of berries right.

  “Very impressive, Your Highness.”

  I yelped. His voice was coming from right beside my ear. How could he move so quietly in a full suit of armour?

  “Thank you, Sir Alvar,” my voice was quieter than I had hoped. “Do you like to draw as well?”

  “Not like that, only with coal on stone or with a stick in the ground. I did not see much paper growing up, and none that I was allowed to draw on.”

  I blushed. I knew embarrassingly little about the lives of the common people in my kingdom.

  “I did learn how to read, and write,” he added quickly.

  “Ah,” I didn’t know what to say. Was that normal? Didn’t most people learn to read and write?

  He was still bent over me, looking intently at my sketch. I sat frozen, but my insides felt boiling hot. Slowly, I turned towards him. He was looking directly at me. His eyes like honey, gazing at me with intense desire. Slowly, as if drawn to each other with an inescapable force, our faces moved together. At first the kiss was sweet and soft, our lips just brushing together. It made my whole body tingle and ache for more.

  I put my hands in his hair, it was thick and rough, like a horse’s mane. I drew his face closer to mine, and soon he was on his knees, grabbing me as I was sitting. His lips were warm and soft, pushing against mine with a desperate intensity. His leather, gloved hands moved along my body, starting at my sides, and moving down to my lower back, drawing me closer to him. I wanted to touch him too, but the only part that was not covered by his armour was his head. I moved my hand down the icy steel of the breastpte.

  He pulled away and smiled. I suddenly realized what I had done.

  “We can’t do this!”

  I picked up my book and ran through the trees back to the others. They were still standing around, waiting for two of the men to return with the wheel.

  “Your Highness, is everything all right?” Lady Agatha asked.

  “I- I,” I stumbled over my words, “yes, I just saw a big spider.”

  Behind me I saw Alvar coming out of the woods. He strolled confidently towards the group with a cocksure smile. He knew he had me where he wanted me.