Nathianel

  I couldn’t stop myself from following the screams. I walk faster, and I make my way towards Main Boulevard. Support vehicles of medical professionals and police officers surrounded the center of the city, and as the nosy person I was, I made my way through the direct crossfire. I breathe heavily as I slow down.

  My heart sinks at the sight of her. I’m stopped by a strong hand, and an officer grips my shoulder.

  “Hold it. May I ask for your time? Just a few questions is all, I saw you sprinting down here…” I gruffly agree reluctantly.

  “Did you see anything or hear anything that made you rush down here? Where were you during the attack?”

  “Was out to dinner with a few friends. When walking home, I heard a few screams and decided to check it out since it made me uneasy.”

  “I see.” He nods and releases me. As I tried to get a better look at her, officers started backing up the crowd, and I couldn’t get anywhere near her.

  I did get a glimpse of her pretty face. She looked so Her waves frizzy and ripped about, her gaze glued to the floor, and her entire body was yellow and red. I was positive the marks would turn blue eventually, and it only made my blood boil.

  I watch from a distance as they tend to her, and a wave of relief finally washes over me. She was finally getting the care she deserved and would no longer be harassed by the public. Stay safe.

  I watch as they load her onto the stretcher and into the ambulance, their lights and sirens turning back on. They soon drive away, and the crowd disappears into the distance. I’m left with my thoughts.

  I mean, it’s not like she would want me after everything. She just can’t find out what I did. I’m most likely one of the last people she’d want to see, and I can’t ruin her healing process.

  I sit down on the curb for a moment, forcing myself to get her out of my head. I run my hand through my messy, disheveled, shaggy hair. The moment of sitting on the curb was only a memory after a few seconds, and I walked back to my dorm alone.

  The air was cool against my skin and helped ease the excessive moisture from my clammy palms. I let my somewhat long dark hair fall to my shoulders, and I stop to take a deep breath and relish this moment of silence. I unzip my sweatshirt, and I let my chest and stomach breathe. I continued to walk again, and all I could think of was her puffy lips and beaten-up skin, looking broken.

  My fist clenched up as I remembered the imagery my mind couldn’t let go of. Her frizzy locks, the splotches of black and blue all over her skin. All makes my blood boil; She was just looking for love in the wrong men.

  I laugh a bit, , and I arrive at a stop sign right near a boutique in downtown Massachusetts.

  I passed by the brightly colored, out-of-place shop, and I was now just a few minutes away from campus. I decided to take a shortcut just to be safe, walking with purpose and stealth. I then reach a brick wall and take the back gate to the campus.

  I make it to the side stairwell before it hits 10:30 pm, and I slowly tiptoe into my dorm room. Shutting the oak door with a soft click. I inhale deeply through my nose before sliding off my boots. My hands are still jittery from my adrenaline rush.

  “Alright, now no one can know about any of this. As long as I act normal and my usual self, no one will suspect a thing…” Running myself through things always helped me process my emotions and what to do next.

  For a while, I sat down on my bed, contemplating the decisions and choices I made, feeling sick to my stomach but also astonished and filled with unbridled excitement about his death. He did so much harm and caused so many errors and problems in this world that getting rid of him was the way to go. I’m justified for what I think and what I did when it was done for the greater good, no?

  I exhale a breath I didn’t know I was holding onto, and I stand up and lock the door. Brushing my hands together, then step back towards my bed with the wooden floors creaking beneath my feet. My knees pop when I crouch down onto the floor, my bones feeling weak. I push past my swift pain, and I slide my arm underneath my bunk and feel for a bulletin board, my finger tips tracing down the yarn.

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  I pull the board out from my bed, and I smirk. I feel smug and a bit disappointed with my progress. My eyes examine every detail and inch of the board: the photos of Artie, the scenes, his motives, the dates. Everything. Even the execution of my plan was written down. I knew I had to dispose of it.

  I sat back down on my bed, trying to come up with some plan, but I thought of nothing. I frantically thought and thought of ways to cover up what I did, but all I could think of was Miriam. Although the deed was done, I wish I could’ve been there to protect her.

  I snap back out of it with more focus, but with her still on my mind. My eyes dart back to the bulletin board full of evidence. My focus didn’t last long due to Miriam popping back up in my head.

  I groan in frustration at my inability to help her. She should’ve never gone on that date, I should’ve done a better job at warning her, or stopping her, or anything. I felt faint, and sudden nausea met my body. I walked to the bathroom, in case vomit came up.

  I haven’t really eaten much all day, so just stomach acid would come up. I crouch down in the bathroom with my arms wrapped around my gut, forcing myself not to throw up this time. My stomach continues to gurgle and growl as I lie on the bathroom floor, feeling like I am going to pass out any moment.

  I took a deep breath, and I slowly hoisted myself up, using the countertops as my support. I slowly step towards the kitchen in desperate need of calories, and I open up a cabinet. My eyes feast upon the box of protein bars in front of me, and I snag one out of the box, tear the wrapper open, and I take a bite. Relief washes over me as I inhale the protein bar, and I take another one, then another until I almost eaten the entire box.

  I bring the box with me back to my bed, and I binge hardGod damn it, stop running through my mind. I was overwhelmed, but I couldn’t tell what was causing this distress.

  Yes, I was worried for my sake and what it could do to my image and future, but I had my reasons. Besides, I was more worried for Miriam than anything. My heart ached knowing I could’ve done more, but I was too focused on my own life and troubles.

  I wasn’t religious or anything, but I prayed that she would be okay. I prayed that she would have the least amount of damage done to her body as possible. And I prayed that she would be with someone. No, a lot of people who could love and support her through it.

  I must’ve relaxed eventually because I was out cold. I rested in bed thinking of nothing in particular. And despite all of my troubles and worries, I managed to get some sleep.

  I began to spiral, not just with my thoughts, but with my eating habits as well. Not trying to vent or overshare or anything, but I’ve always struggled with my self-image. I should maybe try to work on it. Rasheed always says I can talk to him or he can schedule me an appointment with his therapist, but I can handle it.

  There’s a knock on my front door and a bunch of missed messages that filled my phone. I jolt up, and I rush to unlock the door.

  “Fuck, about time you showed up.” He groans and pushes past me. That’s when my heart thumped out of my chest.

  “Whoa, whoa, take it easy.” I follow him, and my eyes dart to the bulletin board. I was sweating and scared. I didn’t want to blow my cover.

  “So this is what you’ve been up to?” He slurs, and I panic. Fuck.

  “I thought we’d talked about having healthier eating habits. Did you eat anything at dinner?” I smile softly.

  “Sorry, I’ll do better,” I guide him to his own bed and lay him down to rest, “come on, on your side.”

  “You’re too good to me.” He mumbles, and I roll my eyes as he cuddles up in his blankets.

  “Didn’t even take your shoes off? God damn, do I have to do everything for you?” I huff as I slide his shoes off.

  I place a trash bin near the side of his bed and return to mine. I sit down and watch him rest for a second to make sure he’s settled.

  As soon as I see his chest rise slowly and hear his deep, slow breaths, I reach for the bulletin board, and I walk towards my closet. I slide a few hangers to the left, and I shove the board full of photos into my closet. My eyes trail back to my bed, and I see the empty box of protein bars, and I throw it away.

  Guilt washed over me as I finally made my way back to my bed. I sat on the edge once again and hugged my knees to my chest for a moment, only stopping because it felt childish. I take a deep breath,h and I make my way to the bathroom.

  I pulled out my toiletries and unzipped the cloth bag, full of necessities and hygienic products. Plastering some toothpaste onto my toothbrush and force it into my mouth. Swirling it around on my bottom and front teeth. Making sure not to miss my canines.

  I spit out the toothpaste and turn the faucet off. Blood was mixed in my saliva, but I didn’t worry; it was the norm. I run my hands through my messy hair, wetting it down, then I rub the excess water all over my face. I wiped my hands off with the rag beside me, flicked the light off, and I shut the door with a gentle click.

  I return to my bed and collapse on top of the comforter, my head hitting the bedframe. I rub the top of my head and slide my body down, forcing myself to get comfortable even though I wasn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking of her.

  I know I should get sick of saying it, but it’s true, I care about her. I would stop overthinking if I just knew if she was okay. Not even being possessive or anything, I just think that no one should have to be in pain. No one should have to go through what she’s gone through. I know she’s strong, but… I can’t help but worry.

  I finally find some comfort in my own bed, and I get under the covers. Got up to turn my fan on, but I managed. I must’ve passed out at some point since I can’t even remember how I fell asleep, but I’m thankful the worst part has come to an end.