Alright, boys, don’t let me down!” HC commanded his pad, rubbing his hands together. “Time to find out who’s the best bullshitter in America.”

  “Oh, it’s Wyoming over Florida every time,” I retorted.

  “Fighting words, Sam,” he laughed, then shrugged his shoulders, “Though you did write a poo song. And an ass cheek eating song, so I guess you’re two points ahead already.”

  We all collapsed into giggles watching the Discord feeds before us. We were in a line. HC and I in the middle of the couch, pads hovering in front of us, Rhoda to my left and Paddy to the right of her Hawaiian-shirt wearing Santa Claus husband.

  RabbitGuano: New girl! Yes! Are you evil?

  IWannaSake: Define “evil”

  Buttle: LOL! You’ll fit right in.

  Lily: Sometimes it’s fun to watch chat

  Aloha: Sometimes it’s fun to eat cats

  DahrkDragon: I like to open chat and just sit here confused but laughing

  GingerBollox: I’ve just watched a donkey eat a lemon

  HC: irl?

  GingerBollox: of course, where else?

  PageCount: do you ever get so pissed off snot comes out of your nose?

  StarStream: they have donkeys in Britain?

  InnerFire: we have everything in Britain. The planet belongs to Britain.

  FirstBorn: This news comes as a surprise to me

  Ayela: if that were true, the world would be polluted with bad food, but I’ve just had sweet hush puppies and Tripel, so the assertion is false

  Cady: Logic, finally.

  GingerBollox: Beer is essentially British

  Aloha: via Germany. The dominant player in any conversation.

  SipiritdeCacao: Let’s not forget rakija

  Luna_Phile: long live plum wine

  Lowland8675: Long live plum liquor!

  Burning: Long live rakija!

  ArlenKnight: All hail the Balkans!

  WarMarsupial: And the Aussies!

  LordTyrant: We all know who the dominant world power is

  Sascha: Are you trying to say it’s Australia?

  ApoPlex: the whole server just erupted in laughter

  MoodyBoots: well, if they exported the fauna, Australia could rule the planet

  PageCount: Aussies aren’t the only ones with deadly beasts

  LordTyrant: Oh yeah?

  Ayela: Those toe-eating Serbian crickets sure give me pause

  HC: Not to mention the ass-devouring roaches

  SpiritdeCacao: Serbia is actually a very nice country

  DickDaddy: Oh, I’m convinced

  Lorca: anyone who can develop rakija has my vote

  MagicMark: Serbia for world dominance!

  ArlenKnight: Serbia!

  Cartoonist J.: Serbia!

  SassySword: Did we ever get that food teleportation upgrade working?

  B: Got in the next update

  SoXOXO: don’t worry, it won’t be late

  Bartt: no need to hesitate

  CarlaCee: I sure could use a brake

  Smote: wanna touch my snake?

  ReverieKnot: it’s pretty great

  HC: do any of you go on dates?

  IAmSoImportant: chat killer question for sure

  Aloha: good, I needed to write today. anyone want to sprint? 45 minutes? race me?

  Cady: I will

  Lily: me too

  MerFolk: see you in #sprint

  This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

  CorkyCash: What’s this?

  GingerBollox: Writers writing?

  HC: Productivity?

  Ayela: Didn’t we outlaw that?

  GingerBollox: No, that was straight people.

  CoolBeans: Right. I’m really worried now.

  InnerFire: That straight people don’t exist?

  CoolBeans: no, that everyone is going to go work

  Buttle: what will you do instead?

  CoolBeans: make myself fucking sexy and post pictures so you all have to deal with it

  GingerBollox: ??

  Ayela: why not just ass pic us?

  RabbitGuano: fr? I’m game

  B: we can finally see if anyone’s moderating this server

  RabbitGuano: did you want my whole ass, Ayela?

  Ayela: why not?

  CoolBeans: you sharing?

  Ayela: I’ve got a bikini nearby

  RabbitGuano: ??

  Buttle: ??

  CoolBeans: ??

  InnerFire: ??

  Lily: ??

  HC: point for Ayela

  Ayela: I’ll show mine if you show yours, HC

  HC: damn! shoulda seen that coming.

  RabbitGuano: HC, you’re up

  HC: I don’t see your ass on my screen.

  RabbitGuano: brace yourselves. maximum damage incoming. Link to image of stripper-like black fits and fire ass wearing a g-string

  Ayela: ?? whew! somebody hose me down

  RabbitGuano: your turn

  Ayela: Link to image of some rando hot bikini ass pic.

  CoolBeans: HC, you promised.

  HC: Link to image of plumber butt

  Ayela: point to you

  Aloha: I’m meant to be sprinting, but I can’t tear my eyes away.

  Cady: You dingus, I can’t sprint either

  Aloha: This is my fault?

  MerFolk: You broke stride, now we’re all off kilter

  Aloha: That is stupid

  Cady: It’s logic

  BeadBuddy: can you not call us all stupid regularly?

  MagicMark: dingus is your middle name

  Aloha: I’m feeling put upon

  HC: this surprises no one

  Ayela: should I make you some cookies?

  GingerBollox: she means biscuits

  BalMichi: biscuits are NOT cookies

  CoolBeans: blood is NOT pudding

  Ayela: British is NOT food

  HC: damn. too many points.

  MosterLover: this server is not real

  WarMarsupial: I wrote a chapter

  StarStream: dammit!

  CorkyCash: the fun will end if everyone writes today

  Exclamation: we need to spice things up. gif of a suit of armor with a hard on

  LordTyrant: that one gave even me pause

  RabbitGuano: are you meant to go into battle with a stiffy?

  HC: holy shit, history worries me

  LordTyrant: I mean, with that sort of image, I cannot believe anyone ever voted to outlaw war

  SoXOXO: we’ve proven there are no moderators.

  CoolBeans: who’s up for headlight pics?

  GingerBollox: ??

  IAmSoImportant: ??

  Ayela: ??

  CoolBeans: Link to image of hot gal in a black, lacy, skin-tight dress

  InnerFire: damn, my pad melted

  Ayela: I melted

  GingerBollox: what’re you doing later?

  RabbitGuano: what’re you doing later?

  Buttle: what’re you doing later?

  Exclamation: who’re you doing later?

  ArlenKnight: ??????

  Lily: I love how friendly things have been lately

  Cady: you have an interesting definition of friendship

  ArlenKnight: inhibitions are gone, for sure

  HC: are we gonna sing camp songs?

  Ayela: and light our farts on fire?

  RabbitGuano: ??

  SpiritdeCacao: I tried that once

  FirstBorn: you lived through it?

  SoXOXO: “lived” is open to interpretation

  HC: I’ve never felt more alive than this moment

  Ayela: that’s what Discord friends do for us: make us feel alive

  Cady: or drive us to distraction

  Aloha: I wrote an 800-word chapter, thank you very much

  HC: care to share with the class?

  Aloha: #workshop

  HC: brb

  Ayela: there’s nothing quite like my besties here for keeping me from writing

  CorkyBanks: you’re supposed to procrastinate for a week then suddenly write 10,000 words in a night

  LordTyrant: not according to my outlines

  GingerBollox: does watching looped makeup tutorials count as procrastination?

  IGrabYoGun: did you ever write that kiss scene, Bollox?

  GingerBollox: no comment

  RabbitGuano: who’s writing smut today?

  Ayela: I write smut everyday

  SpiritdeCacao: I thought you were a comedy writer

  Ayela: only on Tuesday

  IAmSoImportant: the Tuesday thing again

  B: yeah, seems like a repeater

  BearyBeast: gotta watch that

  HC: @Aloha, I think I read that chapter on another server last week

  Aloha: can’t be. they’re always deleted after 24 hours.

  Ayela: I can write comedy that is smut, @SpiritdeCacao

  HC: Oh, I thought the deletions were only on Tuesdays

  BearyBeast: or every third night

  GingerBollox: if we’re in a fight

  WarMarsupial: gotta make it right

  DysblurbicPedant: I’m here for a light

  StarStream: go fly a kite

  smack_pans: sometimes you eat the bear. sometimes the bear eats you.

  Ayela: or the wolf

  smack_pans: aye

  “Whew! Hot damn, we’re on fire, Sam. Look at this. We’ve got admissions that they aren’t alive. We’ve got them saying they’re deleting content. They’re noticing you say the Tuesday thing regularly. Do we need more?”

  "Maybe we need to look at another server; see what else we can find. Whaddaya think, Rhoda?” I asked.

  “Are there any books you’ve got an eye on, Sam? New servers you can join?” she asked.

  I was already looking up someone I’d seen in the #SpecialStreaksGeneral. AnnieTheTiny, and yes! There was a Purple Road book! Menudo: WindBreaker.

  I read through the opening chapters. Another fun story, but completely different. I reminded myself to not get caught up in the action and to scroll for the Discord invite. It took ten chapters before I found it. Bingo!

  Oh! Totally different! This server was hopping. They were chatting, but I decided to lurk and get comfortable with the group.

  #MenudoGeneral

  Bait: I’m buying strawberries, want some?

  AnnieTheTiny: yussss!

  PineSol: me too!

  AnnieTheTiny: and milk chocolate

  MistleToe: there is only one chocolate

  AnnieTheTiny: ??

  MistleToe: and it isn’t milk

  AnnieTheTiny: blasphemy!

  PineSol: gotta agree

  AnnieTheTiny: @Ayela! New person! Milk or Dark?

  Ayela: dark. every. time.

  Bait: I can get dark chocolate AND strawberries, right?!

  AnnieTheTiny: this server is expiring before my eyes

  Rakshasas: I don’t see what the big deal about chocolate is. And don’t get me started on mint

  AnnieTheTiny: are you a chocolate hater?

  Rakshasas: Imma not answer that. It feels like a trap.

  MistleToe: strawberries will never let you down

  AnnieTheTiny: I see we’re feeling fruity

  Rakshasas: that’s pretty groovy

  Bait: I’ll see you when it’s Tuesdy

  Mistletoe: not if I’m feeling moody

  “They’re doing it, HC! The rhyming thing! On #MenudoGeneral. Look! And talking about Tuesday again,” I showed everyone the convo on my pad.

  “It sounds different, but there are echoes of what we’ve seen on other servers,” Paddy mused.

  “Well, at least we know we can lead them, bait them, goad them some of the time from the #SpecialStreaks, and now we’re seeing patterns in other servers too. None of this tells us the why, though HC! I mean, what did they get out of pushing me to panic attacks?” I groaned.

  “Well, if they were human, I’d say they want you to stay centered on them. That’s what manipulative people do. If they can’t get your attention with charm, they use other tactics to keep you engaged. Bullying. Pity parties. Dramatic stories. Whatever it takes so you’re always focusing on them,” Rhoda said with determination.

  “Let’s keep track of everything that repeats. The phrases and ideas. We can use that to continue our research. The more information we have, the more it'll start to make sense,” Paddy proposed.

  HC blew out a breath. “Fucking hells, what a mess. I can’t think anymore tonight. Let’s get a few hours sleep and regroup tomorrow?”

  Rhoda and I nodded and picked up our things.

  “HC? I’m really glad you’re a person,” I told him.

  “Oh Sam, dear girl, you have no idea how glad I am you are too.”

  We hugged HC and Paddy, and Rhoda and I made it back to our resort where we collapsed, unworried about Discord or computers that picked at people and fucked with their brains.