***

  Woke up to blood in the bed.

  My blood.

  I can’t even bme Truday for this one. This is all on me.

  Hey, you try being sucked into a different realm where they have a different amount of days of the week, and then trying to keep track! Not like I was the best at keeping track anyway. ADHD fucks me again. I used to take the pill just to keep regur, it also cleared up my spots for whatever reason. But I kept missing days and then I ended up bleeding for like a month. So I gave that up.

  How long have I been here now? Two weeks? Three? But weeks have six days now? What day did I arrive here? I know it was a Tuesday because of course it would be. But how long was it before I knew the new six day week?

  [This is too painful to bear. You have been here twenty two days.]

  ‘Thanks buddies!’

  Huh, I think I’m a little te then. I can’t actually remember when I was st on, but it was a little bit before I got head dunked by Erica swells. I’ve always been slightly irregur plus the stress of all this, probably threw me off a little.

  Fuck how do they even deal with this shit here in steampunk victorian nd anyway? I’m gonna take a wild guess and assume that tampons aren't a thing. We all wear baggy knee length boxers things for underwear here, so it’s not even like there’s something to hold the pad either.

  Fuck.

  Being a woman sucks sometimes.

  I think Maria did buy me something for this, back when we first did all my clothes shopping. But I was a little overwhelmed with everything then. I kinda wished this had happened back at Maria’s house. Then I could have asked her, or even one of the maids - Susan would have been amazing for this shit.

  I shift the covers to inspect the damage. Carefully, so as not to disturb Sophia. Honestly it could be worse. The night shirt took the damage and saved the bed covers, thank god. It’s only the first day, so it’s not exactly a warzone down there.

  The rivers have yet to run red with the blood of my enemies.

  You can argue that its not my enemies blood, but quite frankly my womb can go fuck itself. Not like I really need it anyway. All it does is piss away haemoglobin and produce cramping pains.

  I look at Sophia’s sleeping, angelic face drooling into the crook of my arm. I know she’s going to be cool, she’s too nice not to be. But, still, It’s my crush you know. This is still embarrassing.

  ‘No wonderful words of support from you?’

  [Matters of the flesh are distasteful. Even more so now.]

  ‘Sexist.’

  [Bodyist. Also, we have been female. A lot. Sophia will not be disturbed.]

  ‘Yeah I know.’

  Welp, better sooner than ter. “Hey, err, sleepyhead.” I poke Sophia gently in the cheek. I get a groggy little “Ughr?” in response.

  “I…” Ugh, this is so me. “I got a bit of a situation going on here.” I gesture vaguely to my bottom half. “How do you guys deal with this in this realm? I’m gonna guess you guys don’t have tampons and pads here.”

  Sophia’s questioning look follows the direction of my gesture and notices the blood on the night shirt. She just nods, gets up and starts digging in my trunk. Now that I’m free, I carefully get out of bed. Gotta save the bed sheets.

  Sophia pulled a thin cloth belt with a couple of ring hooks and a long strip of material.

  Fun.

  It wasn’t rocket science from there. Wear the belt, hook on the cloth pad. Not the most uncomfortable piece of clothing I’ve ever worn, but definitely noticeable. With the rest of my clothing it felt like I was walking around with a bit of rope between my legs. Soft rope, but very in there, you know.

  Perfect start to a perfect Truday. I was worried about how I was going to clean the nightshirt. Wait, how am I going to clean any of my clothes? Am I gonna have to start scrubbing shit for hours on end with a wash board?

  Wait? How have my clothes been getting cleaned? I guess the maids back at Maria’s home were just taking care of it and I didn’t even notice. Well now I feel like an arsehole.

  This was probably expined in orientation yesterday wasn’t it.

  [Yep.]

  ‘Are you gonna clue me in?’

  [Nope. Not your secretary.]

  Fuck.

  I mean fair, but also, fuck.

  Guess I have to ask Sophia. Even if she does end up being gay and I manage to deal with church and the ghosts and my inability to vocalize emotional needs. She better learn that I’m a loser that can’t follow basic instructions early. You know, so she can make an informed choice about avoiding dating my dumb ass.

  “Hey so, err” Fuck, why can’t I get out a single sentence today. I hold up the stained night shirt. “How do I wash this?”

  “There’s a wash trolley near the girls wing entrance. Just put it in there, the Academy maids will take care of it.” Sophia said, easily, without judgement. If anything she seemed pleased to be able to help me.

  “Ohh. Thanks.” Fuck, I’m really overthinking things today. Come on, Tangerine, get your shit together.

  We dump the clothes and head down for breakfast. It’s only us and the second years in the dining hall. Apparently the third years are out on some assignment. Third years are basically probationary officers. There is a fourth year, but I think the distinction becomes pretty vague at that point. They are more like phd research students. There were one or two of them around, but they kept to their own table. Some of them look like they have been here for decades.

  Us first years have cimed one of the double tables. Most of us are here, we are only missing the vampire and the construct. Honestly, kinda surprised the Vampire doesn’t eat? Surely they can’t exist on blood alone?

  [Don’t call me Shirley.]

  ‘Holy shit was that an Airpne! joke? I haven't watched that movie since I was like thirteen?’

  [Yes. But you watched it almost one hundred times. You remember every line of that movie better than the names of your extended family. Also, it is a great movie, we have enjoyed it immensely.]

  ‘You’re watching movies from my memory?’

  [Yes.]

  ‘Fucking A. Can we watch them together during dream time?’

  [...]

  [That might possibly be the greatest idea you have ever had.]

  ‘Love you too buddies. Movie night tonight.’

  [We will dream up the popcorn.]

  I refocus on the here and now. Lillian is giving Bronson shit. Sophia is attached to my hip. Daisy looked poised as always. Ria is eating some sort of fish stew at the end of her table. The elves are somehow lounging while making eating look elegant. I am not feeling pretty today.

  And that’s isn’t even period hormones fucking with my brain. Well, I mean it is some of it, I feel frumpy as fuck. But it’s more than that. Everyone here is a ten out of ten stunner. Even Bronson’s personality only detracts from his looks so much. I doubt he is barely more than twenty yet he somehow has a thick Hungarian moustache going on. His shirt open to reveal a perfectly sculpted hairy chest behind. He looks like he wrestles bears on the weekends, and wins. I’m not gzing him here, the man is still a vile oaf.

  Everyone around the table is like that. Daisy looks like a goddess carved from marble. Sophia is my perfect angel. Lillian looked like Gina Carano had lesbian babies with Ronda Rousey. Ria was basically the little mermaid, even down to the red hair. Even the men were attractive enough that I could notice. We already talked about Bronson, Rupert looked like every prince charming ever. Less said about the twins the better. Hell, even I wanted to fuck Vincent.

  A fact that disturbs me to my core.

  All that’s left was me and the goblin.

  “Shiv.” I asked.

  “Yeah?” Shiv said between mouthfuls of meat.

  “Are you like, hot? For a goblin.”

  “Oh yeah.” She said without an ounce of humility. “My arms almost reach my knees, my teeth are pointy and I still have most of them. My nose and my chin hook to make a near perfect crescent moon shape.” She showed me her profile to demonstrate. “All six of my teats are real nice, A+, and check this out.” She opened her mouth and out flopped a nine inch tongue. It unduted.

  “Holy shit.” Lillian whispered in awe. I’m not entirely sure why Lillian was so stunned. I mean I’m not gonna lie, the way the thing moved had me a little curious, but while Shiv was in fact female, goblins might be past the pale for me. “Put that away!” Lillian yelled at Shiv.

  Shiv just smirked. But did retract her tongue.

  “Why?” I asked Lillian.

  “Just… That’s not a breakfast conversation. Trust me.” Lillian said. Shiv started cackling.

  Hell if it’s got Lillian perturbed. Then I’m gonna let it drop. Though I will investigate ter.

  “Wait, I had a point to this. Why are all of you so, well, hot?” I asked the table at rge.

  The elves just ugh at me. “Elven gmour darling.” One of them waves around the table. “Everyone here reeks of it. Except you of course.”

  Daisy looked a little stunned at this. “You’re not using gmour?”

  “No?” I said.

  “So you just look like this?”

  “Yeah, I guess?”

  Daisy’s stunned level increased.

  “I’ve never seen her use any.” Sophia said.

  “Damn, could you imagine what she would look like if she tried some?” Lillian talked over me.

  “Honestly, I’m a little scared to find out.” Sophia whispered. Wait, what the fuck did that mean?

  “What’s gmour?” I ventured, to the table.

  “Elven magic dust.” One of the elves said. “It brings out your inner beauty. And then smothers it with true elven beauty instead.” He ughs.

  I turn to Sister Sophia. “Even you?”

  Her cheeks turn a little pink. “I might have been dabbling a little tely.” she said quietly.

  I’ve been lied too! I feel like one of those dudes tricked by a push up bra!

  …

  Wait, why tely?

  Is this to do with me? Is she hinting? It sounds like she’s hinting, or am I reading into this? Fuck me, this girl is so confusing.

  I just eat the rest of my food quietly, lost in thought.

  ***

  Holy shit!

  It’s my first magic css!

  I’m going to learn fucking magic!

  Of course I only learnt this five minutes ago while following Sophia and Lillian. I did read my css schedule but it went in one ear and out the other. I am going to have to commit that shit to memory at some point.

  Walked into the cssroom. I was expecting lots of wood. Book shelves of ancient tomes lining the walls. Some even chained down, filled with forbidden magic. Instead, what I got was a big, mostly empty room. There were tables and chairs but they were cheap and looked pretty disposable. There were some remains of bst marks on the walls.

  Vincent and the construct were already here. As I walked past the Vampire, he wriggled his nose ever so slightly.

  “No…” I whisper at him accusingly.

  “I don’t know what you mean.” He said, sweating slightly.

  “NO!!” I am shocked, I am perturbed. I am grossed the fuck out.

  “Look, I can’t help it alright! I’m a fucking vampire. I’m not the one walking around with a dinner bell between my legs!”

  “That’s disgusting, you’re disgusting, vampires are disgusting.” I excim to the world at rge.

  Lillian just leaned over my shoulder, grinned, faced the vampire and said. “I’m due on soon if you fancy a snack.”

  Vincent looked like he wanted to vomit. I feel like I might vomit. I pushed the cackling Lillian and Shiv into some seats. Honestly, the two of them together is probably a recipe for disaster - but that sounds entertaining as hell, so I’m gonna make sure that they are the best of friends.

  ***

  So turns out I fucking hate magic css.

  It’s a Truday, so I should have known.

  First off, the teacher is some dusty ass wizard fuck, who’s voice is probably used to send babies to sleep. It takes him at least two fucking minutes to speak a single sentence.

  Second of all, I suck.

  The first spell we are learning is just a simple, light sorcery - apparently.

  The problem for me, is that it's all about mana control. You have to pull in the mana, and then in a controlled style, funnel out the correct sort. Maniputing it into the correct ‘shape’, which I want to stress, is not a shape at all. It would be like saying the code of a program has a shape. Once the ‘shape’ is complete you let it rip.

  My problem of course is I have all the control of a fire hose. It's so bad that the teacher sat me in my own corner of the room, with my own personal mana rift, because I kept sucking up all the mana around the others.

  Daisy got it first. Barely took the girl fifteen minutes before a small glowing orb rose gently from the palm of her hand.

  Bitch.

  No, not really, I’m just jealous.

  Sophia got it next, followed quickly by Rupert. Just gotta say my girl's light orb sted longer than all the rest. I wanna take her orbs and just fucking ponder them.

  No, Tangerine, chill. Don’t make me get the horny bat.

  [We’ve seen it, it’s a big bat.]

  ‘Fuck Gestalt, how do I do this?’

  [Sorry Tangerine, for you, just practice. Due to the size of your core and having your domain expansion early this was always going to be the cost.]

  ‘So it’s past Tangerine that fucked me!’

  [No past Tangerine saved your life. Without Chekhov in your domain, you would have died on that train.]

  ‘...fair point.’

  ‘This is still hard though.’ I whinged internally.

  [Keep practicing.]

  One by one the rest of the css got it. Even fucking Bronson got it before me. I sat in that css room for six hours - with a break for lunch - and I didn’t fucking get it.

  My life sucks, fuck this Truday.

  ***

  Turns out a Truday can always get worse!

  Also turns out we are required to do at least three hours of gym work a week. I fucking hate the gym. I’m just phoning it in at this point, following Lillian around and half assing everything. She’s a real gym girl, picking up all the heavy shit.

  I tried my best to avoid doing anything too strenuous, but I still managed to work up a sweat. Not that it’s hard. The corset might have hidden my half dead scker body of a true gamer. But it was still there.

  I sweat and I die.

  Evening came and I barely managed to clean off the nasty sweat, before colpsing into bed. I pull Sophia into my arms, and I’m asleep before she manages to reach over and smoother the candle light.

  ***

  Sofatreat