Afternoon sunlight shone, the trees swayed in the breeze, yellow fields of wheat and violet fields of lavender danced with gold and violet waves. Chuppies fluttered from tree to tree, eating bugs.

  Farmer Larry Gootali sat on his creaky, pure white Moonwood porch, sipping afternoon tea with his wife Nilli. Their farmhouse overlooked their numerous fields and orchards, a picture of pastoral tranquility in the Shandrian countryside.

  "The Seerscope's been acting strange all morning," Nilli commented, her elk ears twitching nervously as she adjusted her apron. "Arrow's been spinning like mad, pointing towards… certain doom."

  “Yeh. Thought that we had a year to sell the farm,” Larry nodded gravely, his weathered hands wrapped around his teacup. "Haven't seen it this agitated since the Kells Uprising. Something's definitely—"

  His words cut off as the ground began to tremble.

  His teacup shattered against the porch boards as a massive crystalline form erupted from the ground like some ancient horror awakening from millennia of slumber.

  Blood-red crystal segments glinted in the afternoon sun as the mechanical beast carved through the wheat field, throwing superheated, molten rocks all over.

  "By her Shadow!" Nilli screamed, blonde hair flying, green antlers shaking, green eyes wide. "What is that monstrosity?!"

  Larry watched in mute shock as a few of his prized springapple trees - passed down through three generations - were reduced to splinters in seconds as the beast plowed a straight line across several wards and stopped.

  The crystalline horror slowed at the edge of his lavender field. Its drill-head rotated, seeming to taste the air. For a moment, Larry could have sworn he saw figures moving within its translucent body - but that had to be a trick of the light.

  Nothing living could survive inside that thing... could it? Maybe this thing... This crystal dragon abomination ate someone already.

  "Sorry!" A female voice suddenly called out from the crystalline beast. "Got distracted making out and sort of demolished your tree-orchard."

  "Don't kiss n' drive," A male commented.

  "Ye, ye, Mr. Fox," the female voice sighed. "How about a break for this poor birb? Driving Possy is hekkin’ mentally draining. This place seems chill."

  Larry glanced at the Seerscope on the wall. The arrow was pointing straight at the word "Catastrophe". He swallowed.

  The crystalline, eye-less abomination slowly rotated and started moving towards their farmhouse and then finally settled onto Larry's wheat field, its massive form creating ripples in the golden stalks. Steam rose from its drill as the surface cooled, creating a shimmering haze in the afternoon light.

  Slits opened between crystalline folds releasing superheated steam into the air.

  A section of the crystal beast's side suddenly liquefied, forming what looked like a door and a stairwell. Three figures emerged - a foxkin teen in a fancy black leather jacket, and two fox girls in red and black dresses.

  "Why are we foxes?" The rainbow-haired foxgirl hissed.

  "Why not?" the black and white haired foxgirl shrugged. "I want to try on every Arx xenotype!"

  "Ughhhh," the rainbow-haired fox let out. "Why can't I just be a Quetzi?"

  "Just tryin' ta' get outta your mold, Cinderella," the black and white foxgirl declared with a grin. "You're so square and crusty, ya kno? Lighten up!”

  "I'm not crusty!" the rainbow-haired foxgirl protested. "I just prefer to be myself!"

  "Hi there!" the orange foxkin in the leather jacket called out cheerfully to Larry and Nilli. "Sorry about your trees. Would you accept payment in gold for the damages?"

  Larry and Nilli exchanged bewildered looks.

  "We just need to rest our tank for a bit," the black and white fox explained. "She's overheating."

  "Tank?" Nilli squeaked.

  "Miss Possible needs a break," the ginger, green eyed foxman nodded at the crystalline beast. "Running hot after some… urban renewal work in the city."

  Steam continued to rise from the massive crystalline... tank-beast as it cooled in the afternoon air. The crystalline structure pulsed with an inner light, creating dancing reflections and rainbows cast across the wheat field.

  "Would you lovely farmers know a good place to eat round these parts?" The foxkin male asked, shaking a gold purse.

  Nilli found her voice first. "Oh! You must be mages from afar! We do offer home cooked meals at our farm for adventurer guests!"

  "Perfect!" The foxkin teen grinned. "Name your price for food and damages. We'll happily compensate you for any inconvenience and pay for parking."

  Larry and Nilli exchanged another look.

  "Nil," Larry hissed at his wife. "We can't take em, the Seerscope is..."

  "Maybe if we deny them hospitality they'll kill us, idiot husband," Nilli fired back. "They have a crystal dragon, the likes of which I have never seen. I can't even sense that thing's level and it went through the wardstone palisade like it was made from paper."

  Larry paled, swallowing.

  "Come in, come in!" Nilli declared with forced cheerfulness, ushering the strange trio onto her white porch. "I'll put on some tea and whip up a proper meal."

  The foxkin teen bowed gracefully. "Much appreciated. I'm Lex, and these are my companions, Lady Voltara and Lady Castabriella."

  The black-haired fox curtsied dramatically while the rainbow-haired one just nodded awkwardly.

  Larry watched as his elkin wife practically flew into the house, her white tail fluffed with nervous energy. He could hear pots and pans clattering as she presumably started preparing their best dishes.

  "So," Larry said carefully, studying the crystalline monstrosity cooling in his wheat field. "You folks... um... are from… where?"

  "Just passing through," Lex smiled. "Had some business in the city. Now heading home."

  A distant explosion echoed from the direction of Shandria. Black smoke rose above the city walls.

  "Ah," Larry nodded. "Business."

  "Yep," Lex grinned, pulling out a heavy pouch. "Now, about those trees..."

  "Oh, don't worry about those," Larry said quickly. "They were... old anyway. Ready to come down. We're selling the farm anyway."

  "You are?" Lex asked. "Why?"

  "Retiring," Larry said too quickly. "Moving to the Capital. My sister has a place there."

  "You look much too young to retire," Lex smiled.

  "Well," Larry exhaled, glancing at the crystal dragon tank thing, terrified that the fox trio were mighty wizards who could sense lies. "To be completely honest, we're concerned about a possible invasion or a revolution. Foresight magic suggests something big is going down in a year. Plus, there’s… news from the city cast via Nuntix about a Necromancer taking down a mage tower. Last time Shandria caught fire during the Kells rebellion and we barely made it out alive.”

  "So, how much are you selling this lovely farm for?" Lex asked.

  "Two Celesteel cards," Larry said.

  Lex fished in his pocket and threw three celesteel cards on the table. "Here you."

  Larry's mouth fell open. The foxkin’s jacket pockets looked like they were bursting with Celesteel cards. He’d never seen a mage so wealthy.

  "I... what?" Larry stared at the small fortune on his table. Each card radiated magic like a beating heart and the boy just casually gave them out!

  "Three Celesteel cards," Lex repeated. "For your farm. Consider the extra one as payment for lunch and friendship. Vee, do we have property deed transfers?"

  "Ye," Lady Voltara nodded. "Totes do. I gotchu. Gonna go grab one from Possy.”

  "Why are we buying a farm?" Lady Castabriella demanded.

  "I dunno," Lex shrugged. "Since I died on Tuesday, I wanted to buy you a farm with a nice gothic house and an apple orchard where you can brood and raise crows."

  "You what?" the rainbow-haired fox asked. "Wait. Are you referring to that stupid joke you made a week ago about me being your goth GF?"

  "Maybe," Lex shrugged. "You're not dressed like a goth now, but like... I still want to get you something nice. I got Vee a tank. You like this place, right?"

  "I..." Cinder's fox ears wiggled. "You can't just... buy me a farm because of a dumb joke!"

  "Already did," I grinned, sliding the deed transfer papers from the Arx Bank brought by Vee from Miss Possible across the table to the farmer who introduced himself as Larry. "Sign here please."

  Larry's hands shook as he signed, his eyes darting between the Celesteel cards and the hissing crystalline tank venting steam.

  "Man, Dr. Greyfield's Advanced Xenobiology feels like millennia ago," I stretched. "Doesn't it?"

  "It was literally like a week ago," Cinder hissed. "And you're completely changing the subject! You can't just... buy farms on a whim!"

  Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

  "Already did," I grinned, watching Larry sign the last document. "It's yours now. A lovely gothic farmhouse with an apple orchard, only somewhat plowed by Miss Possible."

  "Ughhh, you're freaking impossible," Cinder let out.

  "Tell me you hate it and I'll give this lovely farm to Vee instead," I shrugged.

  "No!" Cinder blurted out, then immediately covered her mouth with her paws, fox ears flattening against her head.

  "Ha!" I pointed at her. "You DO like it! Knew it!"

  "I... just..." she sputtered, her rainbow-colored fox tail swishing in agitation. "That's not the point!"

  "The point is that I bought you a brooding farm," I grinned. "You can tell your parents all about it when we get back home. They'll think I'm a respectable Nazarite boy even more that way. Because who else buys apple farms for their fiancees?"

  "I DO NOT BROOD!" she protested. "And we're not engaged!"

  "You're brooding right now," Vee commented cheerfully. "And that's a fixable situation."

  The elkwoman Nilli emerged from the kitchen with tea and freshly baked scones. Steam curled from the teapot as she set it down.

  "The home-made stew will be ready shortly," she said with a bow. "I hope you'll find everything to your liking."

  "It smells wonderful," I said, accepting a cup of tea. "Thank you for your hospitality."

  Cinder was still fuming beside me, rainbow fox tail swishing in agitation. Vee sat on my other side, practically vibrating with barely contained electrical energy and foxy-merriment.

  The farmers furiously whispered to each other and then returned to the living room.

  "So," Nilli ventured carefully, "when do you need us to... vacate the property?"

  "Oh, take your time," I waved dismissively. "No rush. We're not staying long in Shandria and probably won't be back for a year. I'll have someone from our Guild come over later to take care of the farm, make sure it's in good order. Enjoy your wealth, take your kids on vacation. You two have kids, right?"

  "Erm," Nilli blushed. "A daughter. Terri." She pointed at a Depictomancy-animated painting of a blonde girl who looked like a younger version of her. "She's in her 7th year as an apprentice Healer at Shandria’s Healers Hall."

  "Wonderful," I smiled, glancing at the farm deed signed by Larry Gootali. “Terri Gootali, right? When you see her next, tell her that her apprenticeship is fully paid for. Consider it a bonus for the excellent tea and hospitality."

  Larry choked on his tea. Nilli's eyes went wide. "But... but..." she stammered. "A Healer's apprenticeship costs..."

  “An arm and a leg?” I asked.

  “Yes. So why would you…?” Nilli asked.

  “I’m going to be opening a Bank here and building a new city right next to Shandria. I’m going to need lots of young, talented people–healers, architects, craftsmen, Kitlix breeders, Agromancers, all sorts of mages basically. People who can help build something new. Consider this an investment in the future!"

  Nilli and Larry exchanged bewildered looks.

  "A new Bank?" Larry asked carefully. "But the Arx Bank..."

  Another distant explosion rumbled from the city.

  "Won't be a problem," I smiled. "Trust me."

  Larry swallowed hard and nodded.

  Nilli brought out the stew, which smelled absolutely divine. We ate in relative silence, broken only by occasional compliments about the food and the distant sounds of thunder from the city.

  "Umm," Nilli asked me. "Sir Lex, what is happening in Shandria?"

  "Renovation," I said. "Our Adventurers Guild hired over a thousand adventurers to demolish old, abandoned buildings on the land we leased to build new infrastructure."

  "How many adventurers?" Larry sputtered.

  "Pretty much all of them," I shrugged. "I think? I'm not really sure, our lovely Guildmaster is handling it."

  "You own the Adventurers Guild?" Nilli stared at me with wide eyes.

  "Not the white cathedral," I said. "We own a competing Adventurers Guild. Still rebranding and renovating it."

  "Would you like some more tea?" Nilli asked nervously.

  "Please," I smiled. "Your stew is excellent, by the way. Perfect for supper after a morning of hearty urban renewal."

  Cinder kicked me under the table. I maintained my pleasant smile.

  "So," Larry ventured. "You're building a... city?"

  "Two cities actually," I said. "One for non-magic humans and one for the locals."

  "Non-magic humans?" the farmer blinked. "What?"

  "An interdimensional colony," I said. "Just a little fun project of mine."

  "A... colony?" Larry's dog ears twitched nervously while his elk wife simply blinked my way with a lost look. "Here in Shandria?"

  "Adjacent to Shandria," I corrected. "In a dungeon."

  "In... a dungeon?!" The farmers asked together.

  "Yep," I nodded. "Found a pretty good dungeon recently and decided to adopt it. You know how it goes."

  Another distant explosion echoed from the city.

  "More… renovations?" Nilli asked weakly.

  "Yep," I shrugged. "Our Guild is quite thorough."

  “Yum,” Vee finished her stew and stretched. "This is nice. A chill vacation in the countryside!”

  Cinder glared at me from her stew. I sent her a pleasant smile.

  The farmers excused themselves, heading out to tend to the damage in their fields caused by our arrival. Through the window, we watched as they mounted their Agrilopods - strange, massive beasts that towered over the farm buildings. The Agrilopods looked like a fusion of giant crab, daddy long-legs and a siphonophore. I watched as long thread-like tentacles extended out from the creatures, collecting fallen springapple tree branches.

  "You know," Cinder said, watching the farmers work. "You didn't have to buy their entire farm."

  "Why not?" I asked. "They wanted to sell it. I wanted to buy you a farm. This is how transactions work.”

  "I didn't want a bloody farm!" Cinder complained.

  "Surprise farm?" I smiled sheepishly as I pulled Lance's anti-scrying wardstone from my bag and placed it in the middle of the living room. I shoved another beast core inside it from my pocket full of stolen beast cores from the Arx Bank. "You gotta practice your Hearth-wife-ness somewhere, right?"

  "Ughhhh," Cinder phase shifted out of her foxgirl form, burying her face in her wings. “Going to rest for a bit… out of mana.”

  Vespera shifted back to her Thunderbird form. She draped herself across both of us on the couch, petting Cinder.

  "Hi, Ci," she smiled.

  "What?!" Cinder looked down.

  "Come on, gimme a smile. Look at this place. It's actually pretty nice. Mountain views on the left, the Chasm sea on the other side, close to the city, Shandrian-style farmhouse, apple orchard, wheat fields... perfect for writing romantic songs about the inevitability of death."

  "I don't write romantic songs about the inevitability of death!" Cinder protested, her feathers shifting through embarrassed pinks and indignant purples.

  "Yet," I grinned. "Give it time. Soon, you'll be out here in your black dress, sitting under a weeping tree, writing verses about the existential despair of being a rainbow dragon engaged to human and Thunderbird disasters."

  I took the sweaty fox ears off my head and slowly washed the makeup off my face with a makeup sponge as Cinder growled at me from her seat.

  "We're not engaged!" Cinder let out. "And we won't be engaged if you two keep being absolute knobs about everything!"

  "But we're your knobs," I grinned, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

  "Ugh," she pushed me away, but her feathers betrayed her with flashes of pink. "You can't just... fix everything by being cute."

  "Can't I?" I asked innocently.

  "No!" She declared.

  "Come on," I said. "Admit it. You like the farm."

  "I... it's... fine," she mumbled.

  "Just fine?" I pressed.

  "It's... nice, okay?" she admitted reluctantly. "But that's not the point!"

  "What's the point?" I asked her. "State your point."

  "I don't know what my point is!" She hissed. "You're terrible and this sparkplug knobfold is even worse and you two keep dragging me into your excessively insane shenanigans. It's like, I expect one thing and…”

  "What did you expect?"

  "I expected a nice date and I expected the Arx Bankers to take Em, Sol and Quint's bracelets back home. I didn't bloody think that you would effing crash a Mage Tower into the Arx Bank just to bamboozle Keeper Vassili into giving Vee control over a fucking Corpse Seeker tank!" Cinder barked, feathers shifting through exasperated colors.

  "To be fair," I said, "the Bank demolition plot worked out perfectly. We got a murder tank, saved a trio of Omnids, got new Sixies, plenty of loot, and a nice farm out of it. Dungeon delving is too much effort! Much easier to rob a bank, see?”

  "This is exactly what I'm talking about!" Cinder growled. "Stop giving Vee murder tanks, she's got like no impulse control!"

  "Nooo," Vee whined. "Don't take away my murder tank, I love her. She's my baby! My Lexy got me the bestest engagement tank ever!”

  "It's not an engagement tank! It’s the Omnid Chapel’s Corpse Seeker!" Cinder protested. "And you can't just steal a magic tank!"

  "Already did," I grinned. "And gifted it to Vee as her familiar! What are you going to do about it? Nag me extra hard? Go ahead, Hearth Keeper. I accept my lovely Quetzi nagging."

  "I... you... argh!" Cinder flashed all the colors of a See-Mass tree.

  "Yes?" I asked. "If we aren't engaged, then what are we then? What exactly did your bite do to me?"

  "It basically claims you as... my kobold," Cinder explained with a sigh. "Any Omnid can claim anything as their hoard item or anyone as kobold... by leaving a small piece of their soul in a person or an object."

  "Ye," Vespera commented. "An example of this is Emerald claiming Cinder's phone to track her movements and Emerald claiming her boyfriend Quint as a kobold. A soul-bond claim isn't forever. It can fade, if the object or the person is destroyed and it can be carved out by a Psychopomp in about twenty minutes in Omnithornia."

  "I see," I said.

  "Instructor Zalimar claimed a whole bunch of objects around Skyfall as his Phylacteries so that he can return even after dying horribly in another dimension," Vespera added.

  "Can you do that then?" I asked.

  "No," Vespera shook her head. "You need to have super high level in Animancy for that as an Astral Phantom. Even if I shoved bits of my soul into a bunch of random rocks or magic artifacts, I would not be able to find my way back home if I died on Arx. The Astral Ocean is basically infinite. It is easy to get lost there, to fade away into nothing, to calcify into an imprint. Usually souls simply get devoured by the Arx Wheel. Only a high level Astral Phantom can escape the pull of the Wheel."

  Cinder sighed.

  "Another example of a soul bond is Skinwalker Valor Thornheart claiming Cinder by cutting her heart with a plan to devour her soul," Vespera said, making Cinder shudder. "It allowed him to inhabit her body for two years grinding her from within with horrific dreams repeating the same day over and over. Valor's plan was to shatter Cinder's soul and reincarnate himself inside her using her body as a ghoul to resume his murder spree to awaken the Wormwood Leviathan."

  "Could he actually awaken the Wormwood Leviathan?" I asked.

  "It is theoretically possible," Vespera said. "Just not with beast cores and Omnid murder. You need to punch reality extra hard to cause a worldwide magic cascade. Some Omnid scholars speculate that a sufficiently large release of magic can indeed awaken the Wormwood Star."

  "What would happen then?" I asked.

  "A dimensional shift," Vespera explained.

  "Which is what?" I asked.

  "Space-time would get rearranged by a planet-wide Celestorm," Vespera said. "It is speculated that if a wish is made during the Leviathan's awakening... physical reality gets overwritten in the direction of desire."

  "Sounds effed up," I said.

  "It's a way to... solve problems," Vespera shrugged, her silver-gold eyes sparkling. "For someone... desperate enough. According to the Scrutimancer Stabalists who watch for such things, planet-wide Celestorms that cause massive dimensional shifts happened before and will happen again. Wobble reality enough and the Wormwood Star will awaken once more."

  I stared at her, but she fell silent.

  "So I am your kobold?" I turned to Cinder. "What exactly does this mean?"

  "It means that I own you as a dragon," Cinder said. "Legally. Means I can sense when you're lying to me. It does NOT mean that we're married or engaged."

  "A soul-bond kobold link can be used as court evidence," Vespera commented. "As long as we sign some paperwork, then we are engaged."

  "I'm not signing shit," Cinder crossed her arms.

  "I'm not asking you to sign anything. Unlike you, I need this," Vespera said. She dug into her bag and slapped a bunch of Arx Bank contracts on the table. "Sign, sign. Keep your copies."

  I slowly went over the contracts. The paperwork stipulated that Vespera Simmii and I were soul-bonded and were uniting our Omnicorp assets and that Vespera and I were rejecting any prior engagement and merger contracts.

  "When did you even fill these out?" I asked the Thunderbird.

  "While we drove here," she replied. "I used Possy to burn our info into the Arx Bank contract paperwork."

  "Going a little fast, aren't you?" Cinder asked with a frown.

  "Gotta go fast," Vespera fired back, offering me a blood pen. "Don't have time for chapels. Want this right now, since we stole these handy blood contracts. Sign."

  "Is that... a blood magic pen?!" Cinder stared at the pen in my hands.

  "It is," Vespera said. "I need to do this, Ci. I don't want to be bound to Golden Star anymore. I want my own thing. With my little human kobold."

  "Not very romantic," Cinder huffed.

  "This isn't about romance," Vespera said. "This is pure pragmatism. We can have romance after. All the romance you want. I just... I don't want to be living my life constantly terrified of being erased, of being mentally changed into someone else. This is just... legal backup, a sword against my family. Just a little bit of inner peace for me."

  I nodded and signed the contracts with a flourish, feeling my wrist tingle as the pen stole my blood. Vespera signed her copies with a manic grin.

  I stuffed my copies into my extradimensional jacket pocket.

  "And done," Vee flopped back onto the couch. "There, I am content now."

  "Why do I feel like I've been bamboozled here?" I asked playfully.

  "'Cus you were," Vespera grinned. "Half of your Arx assets are now mine. Ke ke ke. Sucka. The fox has become outfoxed by the birb!"