A knock came at the door not long after the Able left. A tall arena guard stood looking down his big, gray nose-beak thing at me. Even from this angle, I could tell he wasn’t happy.

  “Fighter Earl, I’ve been asked to escort you... to... the Merchant Quarter.”

  “Come on then,” I said, gesturing to the door he was now blocking. “I want to look at gloves first. And I could do with a sleeveless t-shirt or a vest to fight in. Boiled leather if they’ve got it.”

  He grimaced when I spoke, but said nothing.

  I wagged a finger at him. “You can knock the passive aggressive shit off as well. If you wanna fight me, say the word, chief. Otherwise, just do your fucking job and escort me where I need to go.”

  “Just who do you think you’re speaking to, Earther?”

  “I don’t fucking know, do I? You didn’t give me a name.”

  “You can check my Identifier like everyone else.”

  I shook my head. “No. I don’t think I will. That would require effort from me that you haven’t earned yet with your stinking attitude and your stuck up face.”

  “That feeling is mutual. Unfortunately, I am the only one available. So, as offensive as this duty is to me, I will carry it out with as much decorum as is possible. Do you understand?”

  “Oh, I understand. And I don’t really care if it offends you. What I do care about is you twisting your face every time I speak. It’s called passive aggression or something, and it’s not healthy for you.”

  The big, chunky bastard just couldn’t help himself and scowled silently at me again. The he turned on his big, booted heel and marched out of the doorway.

  He went at a fair old pace, and while I could have kept up with him, it would have required me practically jogging. Last I checked, it was him escorting me not the other way around, so I set my own more sedate pace and took in the sights as we went.

  He must have sensed the growing distance between us and slowed down ever so slightly. By the time we’d navigated a few dozen twists and turns in the stone corridors and came to a pair of well used double doors, I’d almost caught up.

  I could hear the bustle of a busy place before he cast the doors wide and let hot sunlight stream in. I was used to being outside at home, so it came as a welcome relief to have sunlight on my skin again.

  Cloth-roofed stalls stretched out ahead of us, and the solid din of indecipherable chatter created an invisible wall of unpleasantness. The bustling market place was a little busy for my tastes, and while people weren’t exactly shoulder to shoulder, it put me on edge.

  “Any ideas where to start then?” I asked the mountain of misery beside me.

  It seemed to take a huge effort for him to reply, but with a stifled sigh, he pointed off to our left. “I know a couple of stalls where we might find what you seek.”

  Not waiting for a reply, he marched off once again, measuring his pace this time so that I could keep up easily.

  Glances and glares were at a premium as we passed, and at least half of them had the look of fighters from the scars and the way they moved.

  I glared back for the most part, but there were so many that I could hardly keep track. And when the scent of fresh, warm food hit my nose, I forgot all about them.

  I sniffed the air and looked around until my eyes landed on the motherload. A stall selling pastries. A mountain of pastry. My mouth began to water uncontrollably as I set off for the seller.

  I may or may not have remembered to warn my chaperone of my detour. The seller was a grubby looking, gray fella about three feet tall, though he had a platform behind the counter so that he could deal with normal folk.

  “Heya, short stuff. What’s this one?” I pointed at a pie.

  He glowered at me, and most notably my clothes. “Too much for you. Go away. You scare my customers with your stench.”

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  I was torn between ripping his head off, and never shopping here again. I settled for ramming my finger in the pie in question and then tasting the gravy on my finger.

  His gray face darkened just as a shadow fell over us. The happy hippo had noticed I’d peeled off.

  “What are you doing, Earther?”

  “Pies,” I said, gesturing in front of me. “I’m trying to work out what that one is.” I pointed to the one with the hole in it. The seller had gone quiet now that the soldier was here.

  “But it smells damn good and the gravy is decent, but I don’t want to end up with fish eye pie or something.”

  He seemed to shudder before answering. “It is meat. Most likely from a grazing beast.”

  “Sounds good.” I looked back at the seller. “How much?”

  “Two,” he said simply, though he seemed to be shaking with anger.

  “Two fucking Unitols? That’s daylight robbery.”

  My shadow nodded. “Correct. These pies normally go for one and three,”

  The seller swallowed guiltily. “Times are hard… but one and three it is.”

  I stuck my hand out to the soldier. “Money, if you please.”

  I didn’t look back, but a clinking pouch landed. I looked inside to see a handful of silver and bronze coins. I had no idea what value each held, and after a closer inspection, I still had no clue. I glanced back to the guard. “What’s one and three out of this?”

  He didn’t even bother to look. “Why am I not surprised that you cannot count?”

  “Why am I not surprised that you’re an utter cunt,” I countered.

  He looked ready to swing for me, which meant the insult translated well. But it wasn’t worth getting into when I had a pie to buy. Turning back to the stall owner, I took out one of the bronze coins and handed it over.

  His hand remained where it was, waiting for more, so I placed another one on. We stared at each other for a long time before he deposited them into his pouch and riffled around in there until he pulled out seven smaller copper bits. With great reluctance, he dropped them in my outstretched palm.

  “Is it to eat now or do you require a bag to take it away?”

  “I’ll take a bag, thanks.”

  He went to pick up the pie with a hole in it, and I stopped him. “Woah, what the hell are you doing? Some dirty bastard’s clearly poked his finger in that one. Trying to sell me damaged goods?”

  The seller stood slack-jawed, hand hovering over the pie.

  I held his stare. “It’s a goddamn scandal is what that is. Wait till I tell everyone about your dodgy donut pies. Imagine if I win this entire tournament, and in my final bout as I lift the trophy, I tell everyone in the arena not to ever shop at…” I looked up to read his sign. “Geldark’s Pastries.”

  His expression went cold, his hand slowly moved to the next unblemished pie which he picked up and slid in the bag. He handed it over, never taking his eyes off me. “Please, never come back here.”

  I pulled the pie from the paper bag which floated down to the ground and I took a massive bite. Holding his eye, I chewed on the beef-like meat inside.

  “Mm, mm. Now that is a tasty fucking pie. You know what? I think I will come back here, Geldark.”

  Then I set off chomping happily on my first purchase on another world. It tasted just like a steak and ale pie from home, though it had a little extra spice that definitely didn’t come from black pepper. I found the meat had the slightest of gamey tastes to it as well, but none of that detracted from my enjoyment. Nor did the disgusted looks from those passing by as gravy dribbled down my chin and dripped on to my ragged t-shirt.

  I ignored them for the most part until the last morsel disappeared into my mouth, and I noticed that one particularly sexy looking passerby had actually stopped to glare at me. Tall, athletic and with long curly blonde hair cascading around shoulders. She was bordering on too muscular, but I didn’t mind that much.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked around chews of the succulent meat and crumbly pastry. “Never seen someone eating a fucking pie before?”

  “It is you,” she growled, pacing over. She had to bend down so that she was eye to eye with me.

  “I’m definitely me,” I said, swallowing some renegade strands of meat. “But I don’t know if I’m the me you think I am.”

  She grimaced and stood up straight, towering over me once again. “I hoped we would meet. I didn’t dream it would be so soon.” Her eyes flickered to the guard behind me, and she offered a subtle nod of respect.

  “Do I know you, petal? Did I forgot to call you back after a night of wild passion or something?”

  She spat on the cobbled stones at my feet. “How did a heathen such as you defeat my sister in combat?”

  The lightbulb switched on, and I snapped my fingers and pointed in her face. “I thought you looked familiar. Was that your sister whose skull I bashed to mince?”

  Pure outrage clouded her features. “You will pay dearly for her death.”

  “Wha? Why?” I was genuinely confused. “We were both consenting adults. What did you expect me to do? Tickle her into submission?”

  “Fight with honor and decency!” Her voice took on a frantic tone. “You could easily have let her live!”

  “Look, petal, just simmer down for a minute.”

  “Simmer down! I will kill you! I do not know what foul tricks you used to lay her low, but they will not work against me. I have you marked, Earther, and I will get my revenge.”

  I wiped my chin as she spoke, loosened up my neck and shoulders and raised my guard. “Why wait? After that delicious pie, I’m ready to go.”

  The surprise on her face at my eagerness to fight was superseded by the guard’s voice behind me. “Fighting is forbidden here, Earl. All dueling is met with death.”

  I looked back to him. “Christ, you’re a buzz kill,”

  His sour expression twitched into the briefest of smiles. “That threat alone has been enough to keep peace in the communal areas of the Velkyn Arena for over thirty Union years.”

  The woman had taken a step back. “And I would never have sullied this respected arena with bloodshed, Captain.” Then she refocused on me. “But if you survive this tournament, I will have my vengeance.”

  I gave her a thumbs up. “Can’t wait, sweetheart.”